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Winter Jokes

We are well and truly into Winter here in the STL, and with a snowstorm expected tomorrow night, I thought it might be a fun to share a few Winter themed jokes,

Joke #1

Did you hear about the big Winter storm in New York? It got so cold the bankers were walking around with their hands in their own pockets.

Joke #2

A wife texts her husband on a cold Winter’s day: “Windows frozen. Won’t open”. So the guy texts back, saying “Pour lukewarm water on it”. The wife texts back “Computer’s really messed up now”.

Joke #3

Why are we only concerned about snowmen and not snowwomen? Because only a man is dumb enough to stand out in the cold without a coat.

Joke #4

Last Winter I went bobsleighing with the family. Killed 37 Bobs.

Joke #5

What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together? A receding hare line.

And finally, my favorite:

Joke #6

A baby polar bear goes up to his father and says “Daddy am I a Polar Bear?”

The dad says “Of course you’re a polar bear. I’m a polar bear, your mom’s a polar bear, you are a polar bear. Now get outta here and quit asking stupid questions.”

So the kid goes up to his mom and says “Mommy, am I a Polar bear? I mean, really and truly a polar bear?”

“Well of course you are, sweetheart” the mama says. “I am a polar bear, you’re father’s a polar bear, so that makes you a polar bear too. Now why would you ask such a question, dear?”

Kid says, “Because I’m FREEZING.”

Ha.

See you next week.

Featured

MonDAVES Saves Thanksgiving-2022

Thanksgiving is coming in just a few days. Along with all the food, parades, football, and what not, you’re almost sure to spend time with family, some of whom may not be on the same page as you are politically, socially, or otherwise. Being a fine, upstanding citizen (as all MonDAVEs readers most certainly are) you want to keep the peace and not get into any scuffles around the table this year. But what on Earth are you going to be able to talk about that won’t get Uncle Gary started on one of his uber-cringey tirades?

Well, have no fear, MonDAVEs is here to save your Thanksgiving by equipping you with what you truly need to keep the conversation safe, change the subject if need be, or just plain old be the life of the party. That’s right, it’s THANKSGIVING DAD JOKES!!!

Here we go.

What did the turkey say to the hunter the day before Thanksgiving?
“Quack! Quack!”

What is a turkey thankful for on Thanksgiving?
Vegetarians.

What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock.

“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Norma Lee.”
“Norma Lee who?”
“Norma Lee I don’t eat so much, but it’s Thanksgiving!”

Why does Meghan Trainor make such good Thanksgiving Turkey?
‘Cause she’s all about that baste.

Why did the cranberries blush?
Because they saw the turkey dressing.

What does a one legged Turkey say?
“Wobble wobble.”

What did Han Solo say to Luke Skywalker on Thanksgiving?
“May the forks be with you.”

What was John Wayne’s favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving, pilgrim.

“Knock. Knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Tamara.”
“Tamara who?”
“Tamara we’re eating all the leftovers.”

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
“If your father could see you now, he’d roll over in his gravy!”

People say I tell too many Thanksgiving jokes, but it’s hard to quit cold turkey.

Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
Because they wear their buckles on their hats.

If a big turkey is called a gobbler, what is a little one called?
A goblet.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
He wanted people to think he was a chicken.

What do you call a sad cranberry?
A blue berry.

Did you hear about the turkey who wanted to be a prize fighter?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Why is corn so popular on Thanksgiving?
Because it’s a-maize-ing!

What should you expect at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter “g”.

And finally…

Why did the farmer separate the chicken and the turkey?
He suspected fowl play.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! See you next week.

More Of My Favorites

It’s bad out there, y’all. There’s lots of bad news wherever you look, and everybody seems to be tense and on edge. There’s only one thing for it. Dad jokes! Here are some more of my favorites.

A dad was outside washing the car with his son. The son says, “Why can’t you just use a sponge?”

The only thing flat earthers fear is sphere itself.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

Why do Marvel like to use The Hulk in advertisements? He’s basically one big Banner.

I’d tell you a pizza joke, but it’s too cheesy.

I just found out I am color blind. The news came right out of the purple!

This morning Siri told me not to call her Shirley. Turns out I left my phone in Airplane mode.

Did you hear about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines!

How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.

Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.

And finally…

Never blame anyone else for the road you are on. That’s your own asphalt!

You know you’ll tell at least one of these so bad they’re good jokes. Pass ’em along and give somebody a laugh, we all need it these days.

See you next MonDAVE for more stuff.