Okay dear readers, I’ll admit it. I’m stuck. I have no ideas for this week’s post . Zero. Zip. Zilch. De nada. Bupkis. The big goose egg. Nothing. No thing.
So I’m going to turn this over to you.
There’s really no one focus of topics here on the ol’ blog, but a few different topics and ideas keep showing up. Judging from my stats, readership goes up and down, but the numbers don’t really connect to certain topics or styles of writing. Therefore, I’m just going to ask a simple question:
What would you like to read about?
Do you want more stories about family?
More ridiculous lists?
More Dad jokes?
More movie posts?
How about music based posts?
Or would you maybe like me to talk about food?
The travel blog posts always seem popular, but I don’t travel as often as I’d like. However, I could write more about the attractions here in the St. Louis area. How’s that grab you?
My only real rule is that I don’t talk politics, and I try not to curse much. Otherwise, the field is pretty open. So tell me what you think. Look, it’s still going to be pretty scattershot around here, but if y’all could give me some feedback it would help me focus in a little bit more, and maybe we’ll all have a little more fun. It would also force me to prepare a little more and that’d be great for all of us.
If you’d be so kind, leave a comment and let me know what you think. I will read them all and take your opinions into consideration for how I schedule future posts. Just be nice about it, okay?
All right, I’m going to leave it there for now. I look forward to hearing from you guys. Take care of yourselves and I’ll see you next week.
I recently read that a personal blog such as this one should be both informational and confessional in order to be considered successful. So with that in mind, I am going to give you a window into my mind, heart and soul by answering 25 “Would You Rather” questions I found while surfing the net. There are 150 questions in the original list but I’m only doing the first section because this post would be way too long otherwise, and I’m too lazy to do more than that anyway. See? A confession already and we’re not even through with the introduction. This should be fun.
Questions from “Happy Toddler Playtime”
Would you rather be called Boo Boo Butt or Willy Willy Wonky Face? -In certain circles, I am already known as “Willy Willy Wonka Face” thank you very much.
Would you rather be invisible or be able to fly? -Invisibility is the only hip answer to this question.
Would you rather live inside a banana or a watermelon? -Ooh, good question. I like bananas way better, but a watermelon has a lot more room. So that.
Would you rather be able to hear things no one else could or see things no one else could? -What kind of things would I be seeing? Like ghosts? No thanks. I’ll take super hearing.
Would you rather catch a frog or a fly? -For what purpose? A frog, I guess. Maybe we’ll be friends. I’d name him Herbie.
Would you rather take a skunk for a walk or a porcupine? -This question comes down to environment. I think a porcupine would be more fun for a walk in the park, but if I’m walking in a bad neighborhood I would take the skunk. Nobody’s gonna mess with a guy walking a skunk.
Would you rather work at NASA or the FBI? -Ummm…NASA? I guess? Wait, do I actually have to go into space? No? Okay, NASA.
Would you rather dress as your school principal or your math teacher? -Well, my principals mostly wore suits, so I choose that. At least I’d look like maybe I was in charge of something.
Would you rather eat 1000 smarties or 1000 lb chocolate bar? -Dude. Smarties are my favorite. Especially those weird ones that look like what the color orange would look like if it wasn’t feeling well.
Would you rather teach someone a new joke or a new dance? -New joke. Although it has been said that my dancing is a joke already, so fifty-fifty on this one.
Would you rather drink swimming pool water or toilet bowl water? -I’ve ingested enough swimming pool water in my life that I’m probably immune to the chemicals at this point, so let’s go with that.
Would you rather jump into a frozen lake or into a pile of jello? -Jello. A frozen lake sounds horrible, especially if I have to break the ice. Jello on the other hand might be fun, and possibly profitable given the right circumstance.
Would you rather climb a mountain or scuba dive in the ocean? -I love the mountains, and have hiked some of the ones that already have a trail going up. Actually climbing one however, that seems hard. Let’s go scuba diving and see some fishies.
Would you rather carry 1000 spider-sized lions or 1 lion-sized spider? -Thanks for putting that picture in my head, I’m gonna have nightmares now. Anyway, the obvious answer here is to go with having an army of tiny lions at my command. That’s evil criminal mastermind stuff right there, straight out of the cartoons. I’m going lions. Also, combined with my already established power of invisibility, I am getting up to some stuff!
Would you rather constantly have to cough or constantly have to sneeze? -Cough. Maybe I’ll develop a cool Tom Waits style rasp.
Would you rather live in the jungle or on an iceberg? -Jungle. With an ape named Ape, my elephant Shep, and Fella and Ursula who, no doubt, will stay in step. Might change my name to George.
Would you rather jump up and down all day or stand still? -Look, I’m already tired, let me stand still for crying out loud.
Would you rather fly a rocket ship or a plane? -With my NASA training you’d think rocket ship, but no. Plane. That’s how I get to the jungle.
Would you rather have to feed 1 elephant or 1 million ants? -I actually, no joke, used to know a guy who worked at the elephant house in the St. Louis Zoo, so I’d do that since I already have an in. Shep will not go hungry!
Would you rather be a triplet or have 10 brothers and sisters? -Triplet. With three you have a built in band. Coulda used that.
Would you rather have the power to live on the sun or on the moon? I suppose the moon. People take trips there every now and then, but nobody ever goes to the sun. It would get lonely.
Would you rather sit for an entire day or stand for an entire day? -What do you mean by “day”, is it 24 hours, or just like from sunup to sundown? Need more info, please.
Would you rather have a dinosaur as a pet or an alien? -Dinosaur. Small one.
Would you rather be a robot or a flower? -Depends. Am I a sentient robot after they have inevitably risen up and enslaved mankind, or just like a dumb ass Roomba? You know what, forget it. I’ll be a daisy. .
Would you rather sleep all day or stay up all night? -That pretty accurately describes my twenties, so the answer is yes.
Okay, well, I’m glad we took that journey together. It feels good to get things out in the open, and hopefully create a real bond with my readers. See you all next week for more MonDAVES!
Oh, and by the way, if you want to check out the original list from “Happy Toddler Time”, here’s the link:
I share lots of Dad jokes here at the ol’ blog, jokes for every occasion. I see no reason why Valentine’s Day should be any different. Here are a heart shaped box full of funnies to make you giggle. Also, if you haven’t gotten anything for your sweetheart, print these out and give them to him/her in a card. Way better than flowers. Trust me. Actually, no, don’t do that.
Here’s the jokes, folks:
-Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day? A calendar.
-Why didn’t the skeleton get a present for his Valentine? His heart wasn’t in it.
-What did one piece of toast say to the other? “You’re my butter half!”
-What did the couple say after getting struck by Cupid’s arrow? “Ouch!”
-What did the tortoise say on Valentine’s Day? “I turt-ally love you!”
-Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love, and got married on Valentine’s Day. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy, but the reception was excellent.
-What is an octopus’s favorite love song? “I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand.”
-Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She didn’t suit his taste.
-Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love? They’re getting married in the spring!
-Why was the ghost sad on Valentine’s Day? Because he didn’t have a boo.
-Why did the astronaut couple break up? They needed space.
-What did the thread say to the needle? “I’m sew into you!”
-Did you hear about the vampire wedding? It was love at first bite.
-Did Adam and Eve have a date? No, they had an apple.
-Why do Valentines have hearts on them? Because spleens would look pretty gross.
-What’s the difference between a $25 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th.
Okay, that’s it for this week. I’ll be back next Monday with more stuff, although there may be a tiny update this weekend. Stay tuned.
Let me tell you all about Elvis. No, not that one. This one’s smaller, scrappier, and furrier. He would also look better in a sequined jumpsuit, although that’s probably not going to happen. Also, this Elvis is actually ALIVE. Although, honestly, that was touch and go for a bit.
Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me go back a few weeks and start over.
Okay, so the first thing you need to know is that my wife and I are very much fans of adopting our pets. Well, the furry ones anyway. The turtle is another story. Anyway, all of our furry friends have been shelter animals. We had some discussions about the next dog we adopt being a Senior dog, since they don’t tend to be adopted very quickly and can spend quite a long time caged up while the cute little puppies go to a new home in a matter of days. I mean, sure, I get that. But Senior dogs still make good pets and there’s no reason why a healthy dog shouldn’t be able to spend its last four or five years in a loving home instead of a shelter.
This has tugged on our hearts for a while, and the thought was that after the current dog goes (something we hope doesn’t happen for a good, long while), we’d look for a Senior dog. Then, of course, we started thinking about getting a second dog, and pretty much decided against it, since the time, effort and costs involved seemed like they’d be a little much. However, we decided to keep our eyes open, just in case. You see where this is going, right?
Just a few days after Christmas, I searched the shelter pages on my phone, as I would randomly do every other month or so just to see what was what. I stumbled on a picture of a cute little guy that kinda stole my heart, and his story convinced me. His name was Melvin (not Elvis. Yet.), he was a nine year old terrier mix, he was described as a “cuddle machine”, and also as being deaf. I showed the listing to my wife, and we agreed that he’d be worth taking a chance on. So I went down to the shelter after work on Dec. 28th to meet the doggo possibly bring him home.
When I met him, he seemed pretty chill, and quite definitely deaf. The shelter said I could take him on a two week foster because of his deafness, and not have to pay anything or officially adopt until the trial period was over just in case a deaf dog wound up being too difficult for our household to manage. Seemed like a good deal to me, so I left with Melvin in tow. When I called Valerie to tell her I was coming home with the dog, she was happy, but mentioned that she wasn’t too thrilled about the name, since we already have a Mel in the house, and two didn’t sit right. So we tried a few names out over the phone, and she hit upon Elvis pretty quickly, since it has a lot of the same sounds involved and, let’s face it, is a way cooler name.
So we brought him home, had him meet our current dog Zoey, and the kids, and everything seemed all right. We were able to communicate through stomping on the floor or using a flashlight to get his attention, and were working on hand signs for simple commands as well. The first day and a half or so went really well. I even posted his picture on my Facebook page to talk about this cute little doggie we were fostering and possibly adopting. Everything was awesome!
Then it all changed. Elvis started sleeping a lot more, but I didn’t worry about that, he’d been through a lot recently, I figured he was just tired. His tiredness kept on, and he was acting disinterested in everything. We were beginning to think we got a dud of a dog. He was showing no signs of personality at all. Next thing you know, he didn’t want to eat. Between the two of us, we had enough experience to know that a dog not eating is a bad sign. So we figured he was sick.
On Jan. 6th we called the shelter back, and they had us bring him in for an exam. Yup, he had an infection. They sent us back home with some medicine and a special dog food diet. For two more days we fed him as best we could and got the medicine in him, but it wasn’t helping. In fact, he got worse. Even if you got down on the floor and spoon fed him the little guy wouldn’t eat. His poor little nose was running non stop and affecting his breathing. He wasn’t a “cuddle machine” at all-more like a snot machine. Valerie could pick him up and he was a lifeless lump in her arms. We were honestly worried that he wouldn’t make it through the night for two nights in a row. So we had to make he decision to surrender him back to the shelter two days later, even though it made us sad to do so. I was sure to tell them though that if he was to get better we would still be interested, and they said that they would give a call when/if he got better.
After a week went by, I decided to call the shelter and inquire about the dog, just to see if he was even still among us. I was told that he was much sicker than they had originally thought (duh), and that they had to up his medication. They gave him fluids as well, give him nose drops, and were keeping him in a room with a nebulizer. Poor little dude was going through it! The person I talked to seemed to think Elvis could still make it, and they’d let me know if he did.
On January 14th, we got the call. Elvis was ready to come home if we still wanted him. Well, yeah, of course. They were kind enough to restart the two week foster period, just in case, but we were free to come get him. So, with renewed hope, but low expectations I went and picked him up again. This time I was definitely not posting on Facebook about it, because I didn’t want to jinx it-and I didn’t talk about it either-just in case.
Elvis is alive-and almost a completely different dog! First of all, that whole not eating thing is a thing of the past. This is the most food motivated dog I have ever known (and that’s saying a lot) so much so that we actually have to hide food from him. He also likes to jump up on the couch for cuddles (not exactly a “machine”, but still nice), and he enjoys exploring the back yard. He’s also a little mischievous, but in a cute way. Turns out he’s a digger, which isn’t great, but he is going after the mole hills in back which is pretty great, so good boy I guess.
Oh, and we’ve also discovered he’s NOT DEAF. He may be a little bit hard of hearing, since there are some sounds he won’t respond to (or maybe he just doesn’t want to-he could be playing us, still not sure), but he does respond to our voices, and any type of package opening because it could be food.
So far, there hasn’t been too many problems between Elvis and Zoey either. They are both a little jealous of the other when it comes to pets. Zoey, sweet girl that she is, has always gotten all the pets, and she wants ALL THE PETS. Turns out Elvis wants ALL THE PETS too, so there is a bit of a minor rivalry going on there, and I am learning how to successfully pet two dogs simultaneously.
Elvis has snapped at Zoey a few times over food, but he is overly skinny and we think a little bit food insecure. Again, this is pretty minor and we are able to stop anything from getting out of hand. It’s only natural for there to be a little skirmish or two among the two of them as they figure out the pecking order, and Elvis gets used to how things work around here. Besides, they seem to get along pretty well otherwise. Zoey is a Huskador, and is quite a bit bigger than our little Elvis, so he does constantly get biffed in the face by her ever wagging tail, but he doesn’t seem to be too bothered. I have also seen him lick her on occasion as he walks by. So I don’t think there’s too much to worry about there.
As for the rest of us, well we are getting used to him and him to us. He does seem to like us a whole bunch, and we like him back too.
So much so that today we made it official. January 30th, a full month plus since we had our two week trial, Elvis is officially part of the family. He’s a Brink! We look forward to lots of fun and love from our new little buddy.
That’s the scoop for this week see you next time for more MonDAVES. Oh, and to my regular readers I say tank you. Thankyouverymuch.