Here’s a few long-form jokes that have punny endings.


JOKE #1:

A frog goes into a bank. He hops up to the counter, and notices that the teller’s name is Patricia Wack. Being a polite frog with impeccable manners, he adresses her thusly:

“Hello, Ms. Wack, my name is Kermit Jagger, and I’d like to take out a loan. My father is Mick Jagger, and he’s good friends with the manager so it should be no problem.”

Confused, she says, “Okay, Mr. Jagger, how big of a loan would you like to take out?”

“Well,” says Kermit, “I need fifty thousand dollars.”

Now slightly frustrated, Patricia says “For that kind of a loan, you’d need collateral.”

“No problem. This should do it.” The frog then produces a small, white, porcelain elephant.

Now quite frustrated and even more confused, the teller excuses herself and goes back to the manager’s office.

“I don’t know, man…there’s this FROG outside, claims he’s Mick Jagger’s son, wants a fifty thousand dollar loan, and he gave me this stupid little elephant for collateral. I mean, WHAT IS THAT?!!”

The manager thinks it over for a moment and says, “That’s a knick-knack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone!”

JOKE #2:

In the great desert lived a tribe of nomads.

Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his lush, magnificent beard. Their people believed that a man’s strength, courage, and wisdom came from his beard, so the man with the richest, longest, fullest beard was chosen as chief. This is how the tribe chose their leaders for decades.

After leading the tribe for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable in his beard as they roamed this hot, dry, dusty land. He wanted to shave the beard off, but decided to call his royal council for advice.

When he told them of his desire to shave, the councilmen were shocked. His most trusted assistant asked him, “Sire, do you not remember the ancient legend? If the leader of the tribe shaves his beard he will be cursed, and turned into a clay pot!”

Being a modern man, Benny laughed at the old superstition. “Surely, you don’t all believe this ridiculous tale, do you? Now bring me some cream and a razor. I’m going to shave!”

So the headstrong chief went ahead and scraped away at his magnificent beard. As the last stroke was made, a giant dust storm came up, surrounding Benny. It lasted only a few seconds, but when it cleared the councilmen saw only a man sized vessel where their leader once stood. The council then knew that the old legend must be true.

A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

JOKE #3:

Once there was a group of friars who wanted to build a new belfry, but didn’t have enough funds, so they opened up a small flower shop to raise money,

The shop was a success. It seemed as though everyone in town wanted to buy flowers from the men of God, since they not only received beautiful flowers, but also a blessing when they made their purchase.

This was all fine and well, except that the town’s original florist was losing all his customers. He felt this was very unfair, so he went and asked the friars to shut down, but they would not.

A few weeks later, the rival florist went and begged the friars to close up shop because he was going bankrupt, but again they refused.

so, out of desperation, the rival florist hired Hugh McTaggert, the roughest, toughest, nastiest thug in the land to go and “persuade” the friars to close. He beat the friars up, and tore their shop apart. He then told them that he’d be back for more if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, proving that:

Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Okay, enough of this nonsense. I’ll be back next week with something else. See you then.