I’m A Breakthrough

I have COVID-19.

It has been making its way through our house for a few weeks now, but as careful as we have been with isolation and cleaning I was hoping to keep the virus at bay. No such luck.

My family has been super careful through the whole pandemic. We are vigilant mask wearers. Those of us old enough to do so have been vaccinated. We have followed every CDC guideline to the best of our ability, especially with the Delta variant being what it is. Yet COVID still struck our home. Which proves two things.

Number one, Murphy’s Law is still in effect and quite possibly the only natural law in existence that will always be accurate.

Number two, and this is the important one: The vaccine works.

We have been told all along that it is still possible to be infected with COVID after vaccination. Yes, you can still get it, and I did. However, the vaccine has given my body a guidebook on how to fight this virus off, and will most likely keep me from getting sick enough to go to the hospital and have a tube shoved down my throat. Not sure about you, but I’ll take feeling crappy for a week over a hospital visit any day.

The first person in the house to come down with the disease was our youngest daughter. The one who is too young to vaccinate. I’m not saying that one of us vaccinated folk didn’t expose her, but she caught the virus quickly and in turn the rest of us followed suit. Except one, but I’ll get to him in a minute. The question though, is would it have made a difference if she was vaccinated too? Would her system have fought it off and none of us be affected? I don’t know. Perhaps we’d all be asymptomatic, which would still be bad news for those around us, but we might not have all gotten sick. Something to think on.

If you’re wondering about the symptoms, they have been a little different for each of us so I will speak for just myself. I have mostly felt like I’ve had a really, really, reeeeaaalllyy bad cold. I’ve had a nasty cough, full sinuses, headaches, chills, general achiness, exhaustion and shortness of breath. I’ve felt sick since Thursday morning, but it hit the worst Saturday afternoon into Sunday, which I mostly slept through. Today I feel slightly better but it comes in waves. I’m actually getting kind of tired writing this. Sorry if it’s a little disjointed.

So I will be under quarantine through Sunday, and I expect to need a few more days before I feel 100% again. I am isolating in the house as much as possible, since my son never got this thing. He has remained isolated himself in the basement for the better part of two weeks, but that’s where we keep the video games so, it could be worse.

Okay, that’s the update. Mask up, get vaccinated, and try to be good to one another ’til I see you again, yeah? In other words: Love Thy Neighbor.

Oh, and please don’t come back at me with any arguments about this stuff. I don’t need to hear it right now, okay? I need to heal. Don’t be that guy. Or gal. Just don’t.

P.S.-Just for fun, here’s my “GOT ME THE COVIDS” playlist:

1.Doctor, Doctor-U.F.O.

2. Fever- Peggy Lee

3. Breakthru-Queen

4. Delta Dawn-Tammy Wynette

5. All By Myself-Eric Carmen

6. Remedy-The Black Crowes

7. Healing Hands-Elton John

8. It’s Not Over (Til It’s Over)-Lenny Kravitz

9. Getting Better-The Beatles

There should be ten, but my brain is all foggy.

Here’s A Fun Little Trip Through My Psyche.

phobia: an extreme or irrational fear or aversion to something.

We have all known someone, or are ourselves, afflicted with a phobia. These are not rational fears that many people have, or even vague concerns about our own safety or well being. These are not things or experiences we strongly dislike, but crippling fears that are very specific.

The more common phobias are ones we have all heard of and can understand on some level, even if we don’t share the same fears. The fear of heights for example. Fear of flying, spiders, water, crowds, or confined spaces, all fairly common and at least semi-relatable. There are others that fall in the same category,

And then there are the weird ones. These are the fears we don’t talk about and do our best to hide until we inevitably are put into a situation where we come face to face with our fears, and panic sets in, causing no little amount of embarrassment in the process. As you’ve probably already figured out, I have one of those.

For as long as I can remember I have suffered from globophobia. No, it is not the fear of spherical objects or three dimensional world maps. I am deathly afraid of balloons. Even as a middle aged man, I can’t be near them without freaking the heck out. Especially if there’s a child playing with a balloon. Forget it, I’m out. I’m gonna need the rest of the day off, a puppy to snuggle, a good, stiff drink, and a few hours to lie on the floor in the fetal position with the sounds of waterfalls and relaxing new age music to have any chance of making it through to the next day. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but only a slight one.

“Why, Dave? Are you afraid the balloon is going to pop?”

No, don’t be ridiculous. I friggin’ know it’s going to pop, that’s a foregone conclusion. I just don’t know when. I don’t know how loud it’s going to be, and I don’t know how near I will be to said popping. This will, and I am not joking, send me into a panic in which I will have to get as far away from the baloony threat as quickly as possible. I will start to hyperventilate, break out into a sweat, and lose focus on anything but leaving the area immediately.

I once had a panic attack inside a Red Robin restaurant because that particular location had balloons tied to every single table and the employees were giving them out to families with kids. I got through the meal (barely), but not without my wife using every calm down tactic she could think of that didn’t call attention to what was going on. It took me years to go eat at another location after being thoroughly convinced that every location wasn’t decorated the same way and I had most likely experienced a “one-off” situation. Honestly, I am still leery of the whole chain.

Many would argue that it is not the balloons themselves that frighten me, but the fear of sudden loud noises. This is only partially true, but let’s explore that theory. As a youngster, loud noises did frighten me quite a bit because I was very sensitive to them, and I won’t argue that there may be a connection. I was never a fan of fireworks as a kid, as I didn’t like all the loud booms accompanying the pretty sparkles. Dogs of the world, I feel your pain.

However, I pretty much grew out of that. Fireworks became bearable when I realized how controlled the productions are, and I then figured out that I could usually see the flash before I heard the boom, so I learned to anticipate it. Now I just view fireworks as a yearly annoyance when I am trying to sleep in order to go into work the next day and my lunatic neighbors are shooting them off well past midnight from June 29th through July 11th. I don’t mind a professional production on the 4th of July itself, but outside of that I have absolutely no interest.

Pyrotechnics used to bother me as well. In the 1980’s and into the early/mid 90’s, most of the major rock concerts I went to used pyro to one degree or another. Inside an arena, the explosions could be louder than the music! I would be in the strange place of loving the music and dreading the pyro. After a while though, I kind of got the feel for where the big bangs would come during shows-which songs had the most explosive potential, plus the natural beginning, ending, and one in the middle pattern most shows would follow. It was kind of fun to try to predict those moments, and once most big concerts moved outdoors the big booms weren’t quite as loud and became a more enjoyable part of the show for me.

So you see it’s not loud noises that bother me. Engine or mechanical noises don’t bother me, and loud music is certainly no issue, because the noises are controlled. It’s the unpredictable and almost inevitable pop of the balloon that gets to me.

That’s not all though. I dislike balloons in general. I don’t find them pretty as far as decorations go, they just look weird to me. I can’t begin to tell you how many birthday parties and other shindigs have been super uncomfortable for me due to the presence of these brightly colored air bubbles. Also, they are fairly useless as a toy-about 5 bounces and that’s all for that game. Then there are water balloons. Just a tool for a sneaky prank-and I detest pranks. As for helium balloons…they just float there…and taunt me…waiting for their moment to strike. I just don’t like balloons man, their whole vibe weirds me out.

Interestingly enough, I don’t have this problem with giant inflatables. You know, bounce houses, slides, and the like. They do not feel like a threat. Nor do I have an issue with hot air balloons, I think they’re neat. I dunno. Go figure.

So, what’s the point? Why am I sharing this with you guys? Am I that hard up for a topic this week?

Well, yeah, but there’s more to it than that. I created MonDAVES to be a space where people can come for a little light hearted silliness, and possibly escape their day to day for a while. I also wanted to use it as a form of communication with the reader. If decide to share a little bit of insight into what makes me “me”, then maybe other people will relate on some level and we can all feel a little closer together as people, and maybe realize that we’re not all alone in this world. I want people to feel good after reading. Even if that feeling comes from thinking, “Man, I have my issues, but at least I’m not THAT guy!” Whatever works.

Thanks for indulging me once again. See you next week for more MonDAVES!

P.S. I also hate feet, but that’s not a phobia so much as a preference. They are smelly and gross and I don’t want to see, smell, or touch yours. Or your kids’. Yuck. No reason for that bit of info, just wanted you to know.

Apologies

Dear regular readers (all 19 of you),

As you may have noticed, there was no MonDAVE yesterday, 8/9/21. Sometimes things happen in real life that take precedence over your side gig. Since writing is somehow not my main occupation, that’s what happened this week. Don’t worry, there’s no major tragedies to report, but there are just a few things that are requiring my time and attention right now.

I’ll be back soon with more fun stuff. Until then, be good to each other and stay safe. Maybe get some ice cream and binge The Golden Girls. Whatever you need.

Your pal,

Dave

Castles, Knights, and The Main Thing

Last weekend my family invented a holiday.

My daughters are very much into baking cakes and decorating said cakes. Which is great for the taste buds but not so much for the waistline. Anyway, their latest creation was in the shape of a castle. So, since we had a festive cake, we needed a festive reason to eat the cake.

Thus, Castle Day was born.

We all got to play our roles all day long, with my wife and I being the King and Queen (duh), our two Princess daughters and of course, the young Squire. It was fun to be able to say stuff like “Daughter, pass the Royal Pancake Syrup”, and “Where is the Royal Remote, good Lady Wife?”, and my favorite, when I came into the kitchen for ye olde Royal Breakfast, “Fol-De-Do-De-Ray-Do-Day, what news does bring this Morrow?”. Stuff like that.

We had a feast for dinner, and ate the castle cake. A royal decree was made that the last Sunday in July should henceforth be known as Castle Day, but we will probably forget. Still, this is the kind of silly thing that families who are all on the same wavelength and love each other very much can do. I am fortunate and blessed to have such a family to call my own.

The other thing we did was to view one of my all time favorite movies, “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”. This is one of those movies that I can quote forwards and backwards and have seen more times than I can count but yet it never gets old. Fortunately my kids are as warped as I am (almost) and share my sense of humor so it was a good idea that added to the silliness and togetherness of the day.

For those who may not have seen the movie (and why have you not?), it is a very silly yet quite intelligent retelling of the Arthurian legend by the legendary British comedy troupe Monty Python, in which King Arthur gathers together his knights and is given a quest by God himself (in cartoon form, no less) to seek out the last resting place of the Holy Grail, which Jesus drank from during the last supper. The comedy in the movie comes not so much from the religious aspects as it does from sending up the standard stereotypes of medieval life by filling them with modern attitudes and situations.

The bigger source of humor however comes from the quest itself. Here we have Arthur who, despite being King, is just a guy who’s got a job to do. He’s merely trying to go on with his day and find this grail while all these amazingly silly people keep getting in his way and messing the whole thing up. As the viewer, the big laughs come from all these looney characters and the ever crazier circumstances in which Arthur and his “silly English k-nights” find themselves in. But the heart of the film is, of course, Arthur himself and how we can all relate to his predicament.

Because we have all been there. Some days, even the simplest task is seemingly impossible because there’s always someone or something trying to prevent us from doing it. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. The easy and, sadly, often preferred thing to do is to just throw in the towel. But you can’t. Like Arthur couldn’t, because there’s a job to do. Arthur, like all of us, must persevere and see the job through no matter what the result may be.

That’s why the film has lasted in the public consciousness for over 40 years, apart from it being one of the funniest movies ever made, is that it has a lesson. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to, but it does. It teaches us to “keep the main thing the main thing”. That’s a quote from somebody way smarter than me from a book I never read, but it’s become part of the public consciousness so I’m using it here.

If you have a job to do and it’s an important one (especially if it is divinely inspired) see it through. Keep the main thing the main thing. Don’t give up unless there is no other course. Keep hope alive, and keep following your dreams. It’s hard, but ultimately worth it. There are so many ways to be sidetracked and lose focus, but if you keep the main job first in your mind and heart, chances are good it will all work out.

That’s a good lesson to learn. On Castle Day, or any day.

I Should’nt Even Have To Type This One.

I set up this blog to be fairly light hearted. Not that I haven’t shared a bit of my personal life and inner feelings, but for the most part I want this to be a place for people to come and escape a little bit. Let’s have a bit of a chuckle, and make your Monday (or Tuesday or whatever day you read this) better. Even if only a little bit.

But you know what? I don’t have it in me today.

I’m tired y’all. Not so much physically (although some more nap time would be most welcome), but I am mentally and emotionally drained. The world is weighing me down, man. I’m tired of all the fighting, the blaming, the hatred, and the outright lies that are all over not only social media, but most conversations I hear.

I’m tired of everyone being convinced they are right, and not only closing their minds to the possibilities of other viewpoints, but taking every opportunity to tear down those other opinions and, even worse, the people behind them.

It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about masks and vaccines, political affiliations, religion, the latest episode of some show you watch on Netflix, or whatever. There are people on the receiving end of whatever you decide to say/type. Real people with real feelings. You never know what they are going through and how your words may affect them. Suicides happen from bad exchanges on social media. Maybe think about that next time you’re using all caps on Facebook or Twitter.

And okay, sure, maybe they are wrong. Maybe their opinions are stupid, scary, or dangerous. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a conversation with that person, be it face to face or over social media. You probably won’t change their mind, but perhaps you can make them think about the topic being discussed in a slightly different way. That’s how change happens and compromise is reached-a little bit at a time.

What shouldn’t be acceptable, however, (but has sadly become the norm) is insulting them. Verbal abuse. Tearing them down and treating them as an insect instead of as a fellow human being. Newsflash, while you are thinking all of these negatives about them, they are thinking exactly the same about you and your cockamamie ideas.

I know, I know, they started it. Fine. So what? No one want s to be disrespected, so don’t be disrespectful. Never be the first to sling the mud, and stay above it when it happens. If you don’t sink to their level, many will rise to yours.

Look, I realize this is rudimentary stuff, but it’s basic common courtesy and we don’t do it! And yeah, it’s easier said than done. I know I fall short on this kind of stuff all the time. Does that make me a hypocrite? Maybe it does. But I’m working on it.

Now, don’t hear what I’m not saying. You should absolutely speak your mind when the situation is called for. Be an ally for the oppressed. Call out dangerous ideologies. Get involved and do something to save our nation while we still have one left.

Just don’t be a jerk, okay? Let’s all try, just for a while, being kind. Not necessarily nice, “nice” is pleasant and welcoming, but can often be hollow and easily faked. So be kind.

Ranting and raving is a last resort, though sometimes, let’s face it, can be necessary. Let’s just not make that our go-to, okay?

Alright, I guess I’ve made my point. I mean, I feel a little bit like I’m just talking backwards into the wind here, because I know that as soon as I look at Twitter tomorrow the ugliness will be there. I also know that I don’t have a lot of reach here. However, if a few of us will just make a conscious decision to try and be kind-even if it drives us crazy to have bite our tongues-maybe it will help in some small way. And maybe in these crazy times, that’s enough.

I’ll be funny (or what passes for it around here anyway) again next week. As always, thanks for indulging me. See you next time for more MonDAVEs.