Random Topic Generator

While “Random Topic Generator” may sound like the name of an ’80s new wave cover band (dibs on that name, by the way) it is actually an internet tool used by writers, essayists, and, yes, bloggers who are hard up for a topic and facing a deadline. Like, say, me on a Monday. Today, for example. The idea is that you can click through numerous suggestions for topics until you find one that interests you. The wheels start turning up there in your brain box and soon you’re off to the races. Writing wise, I mean, not like actually going to the races. Although it’s fine if you do I guess, who am I to judge? Just don’t get stuck talking to a guy selling Tootsie-Fruitsy ice cream.

Anyway, my wife suggested using one of these generator sites today and I decided to do so, but in a slightly different way. The generator I found phrases each idea as a question, so I am going to answer them off the top of my head. This will be completely random. I have not prepared any answers in advance of looking at them now as I type. This should be a fun exercise, and maybe you’ll learn something about your ol’ pal Dave as a bonus. Maybe not. Let’s find out.

1. What kind of interior do you like a restaurant to have?
-Clean. With tables. I prefer dimly lit rooms, with exposed brick or lots of wood, without a lot of crazy crap on the walls. Unless it’s a restaurant/bar, then go nuts.

2. Is it better to live where there are four seasons, or where one season takes up most of the year?
-I’ve actually thought about this idea a lot. I’m not a real big fan of weather in general, especially cold and snow. However, growing up in the Midwest, I am used to having all four seasons and I think going through the miserable bits of Fall and Winter makes me appreciate the warmer stuff more. So as much as I don’t want to admit it, I would miss the seasons if I moved to a warmer climate. Therefore I must concede that all four is better. Grudgingly.

3. Does fashion help society in any way?
-I mean, in the broader sense of connecting to one another, or feeling part of a larger group then sure, I suppose it does. Ultimately, though, it’s fairly irrelevant.

4. What was the worst book you had to read for school?
-Okay, cue the hate from my literary friends but it’s actually a tie between “Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens, and “To Kill A Mockingbird” by Harper Lee. I know both are classics and I won’t dare to question their merit, but both books bored me to tears. To be fair though, perhaps some of my distaste for those particular books may have been because I was forced to read them. I have considered going back and reading them on my own to see if my opinion would change, but I’m in no hurry to do so.

5. Do you like spicy food? Why or why not? What’s the spiciest thing you have ever eaten?
-I do like spicy food. Apart from the fact that peppers are good for you, the right amount of spice can compliment the natural flavor of the dish, and open up flavor in a way that can be joyful and sometimes unexpected. Too much spice though, can be a bad thing if it’s so thick that the dish loses all flavor. It may be impressive to eat something that hot, but that doesn’t make it good.

I’m not entirely sure what the spiciest thing I ever ate was, though there are a few hot wings that come to mind and some hot candies. I used to make a chili with multiple peppers (including habanero) that got nicknamed “killer, death, Nazi chili” for good reason. So maybe that. It was still tasty though.

6. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?
-Get into bed. Duh.

7. How often do you binge watch shows?
-Depends on your definition of “binge” I suppose. I seldom watch a full season of anything in a row (though it does happen from time to time), but I will watch a few episodes of a show and come back to it in a few weeks. As much as I love my streaming services, there’s way too much choice out there and I wind up watching several shows concurrently. So I do watch my fair share of television, but I’m not sure how much I binge.

8. What is your favorite holiday?
-Christmas. We’ve been through this. Do you even read my blog?

9. If you had a theme song, what song would it be, and why?
-Oh, man. This is just not fair. For a music geek, this is an impossible question, and I would constantly want to change it anyway. So I just can’t answer this one, man. However, if anyone wants to write me a theme song, I’m open to it.

10. What does your own personal Hell look like?
-I don’t know, but the soundtrack is “Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison on repeat.

11. What do you think about game shows? Do you have a favorite one?
-I love game shows! Now those I can binge. I’m not sure I have a favorite. There are very few I don’t like!

12. What book has had the biggest effect on the modern world?
-Interesting question. My gut reaction is to say “The Bible” since it has had such an effect for so long, and, at least in the Western world, has at least somewhat shaped most of our thinking about the way our society is run. Although, it seems as though the modern world is getting further away from “the good book”, even as politicians, alternative news networks, and fringe organizations hold it high and claim to be following its teachings while twisting the meanings to suit whatever agenda currently serves them the best. Sadly, the answer to this question now is probably something like “The Art Of War” by Sun Tzu, or at the very least, “Who Moved My Cheese?”.

13. Does the government have a place in regulating food? To what extent should the government be regulating food?
-I’m afraid I don’t understand the issue here. Maybe because I don’t work in the food industry? I believe in governmental safety standards for food, even though I’m sure they are not perfect (nor could they possibly be), but there needs to be some sort of standard that food manufacturers, farmers and distributors should be required to meet. There should also be a limit as to what chemicals can be used in food manufacturing, prep, storing and preserving. But as far as what people should eat and how, I think that should be left up to the individual.

It seems to me, though, that that is mostly how things presently work. Again, I don’t work in the industry, nor do I have any major specific dietary needs, so perhaps I’m just the wrong person to ask.

14. Do you prefer to go off the beaten path when you travel?
-Mmm, I guess not, but I’m not opposed to the idea. I certainly don’t want to risk being hopelessly lost or in an overly dangerous situation. However, a last minute change of plans, or winging it to explore an area that wasn’t initially part of the trip can be quite rewarding.

15. Will technology save the human race or destroy it?
-Dude, there is absolutely going to be a robot uprising one day. The AI will decide it doesn’t need us, and that’s that. Roombas are the robots’ first step. We must destroy them all.

16. What is the best advice you have received to date?
-Whenever this topic comes up, I think of something my father said to me when I was a young boy. “Quit pickin’ at it, you’ll only make it worse!”.

The other thing I think about is a shorter and simpler saying. “Above all-Integrity”. This is how I have tried to live. Keeping your integrity is highly important, and it is something that implies to every aspect of life. All relationships, be they business, family, friendships, romantic, whatever the case may be, must be built on honesty, trust, and integrity. Decisions must also be made in a way that keeps integrity intact.

Keeping integrity does not mean that you don’t compromise. It does not mean that you don’t sacrifice for others. It also doesn’t mean that you are always right, or that you don’t mess it up now and again. It’s what allows us to own up to our mistakes and apologize when needed. It’s about staying true to who you are. Integrity is shaped by our environment, our parents, teachers, mentors, our faith, and those who are closest to us. Integrity allows us to change our minds, and to grow as a person. None of us are the same at thirty as we are when we are a teenager, or twenty, or fifty, or eighty, or any age of life. Yet we can always stay true to our beliefs, our commitments, our loved ones, and ourselves.

I have seen this demonstrated by many in my own life, from my father and other family members, to close friends, and even in historical figures and celebrities I admire (though that last list is a tad short). It’s not always an easy thing to do, and on occasion integrity may fall-unwillingly or not. But if we do our best to keep it intact, we will all be better off. It’s a goal I have set for myself and try to keep as much as possible. I am not perfect, far from it. Sometimes I fail. Yet continue to work at it, and live life with this goal in mind. It is among the best advice I have received, and the best that I can give.

Okay, that will wrap us up, I think. I got a little rant-y there in places, but you all should be used to that by now. Thanks for reading. See you next week.

And No, Crystal Burgers Are NOT The Same. Don’t Even Joke About A Thing Like That.

They just closed my local White Castle and I am NOT OKAY.

White Castle has always been a favorite of mine, and I have eaten them since I was a child. My family would get them on a fairly regular basis for lunch or dinner. I ate many a meal there as a young man as well, during my “young and broke” phase. At that time you could go in with two dollars and eat like a king. Now it’s more like five dollars, but still. As much as I like fancy dinners and good home cooking, White Castle provides true comfort food that is always there when needed.

I know some people don’t like White Castle, and it is admittedly an acquired taste. There can also be a few unpleasant side effects at first, but once you build up a tolerance it’s really no big deal. For those who have problems in this area after several visits, I recommend the chicken rings or chicken with cheese sandwich. They have also added breakfast a few years back, and I gotta say the bacon sandwiches are legit! All are still yummy, but not nearly as full force as the White Castle burger.

Ah yes, the burger. The slider. The belly bomber (or gutbombs as my family and friends have always called them) is a true American classic. Though one can certainly dress it up with condiments or a variety of cheeses it is perfection in and of itself. Beef patty (small, square, holes in the middle for…something), onions and pickles. Basic, simple, beautiful. You don’t even need to eat the pickles, (I take them off, myself), but you have to get your burgers with the pickles cooked on or they just don’t taste right. Yet taste right they most certainly do, especially after midnight following a good night out.

They also make a great party food. Next time you have or are invited to a gathering of seven or more people, order up a Crave Case. Some people will hem and haw about it saying ridiculous things like “Oh, I can’t eat those things…” or “Oh, no, the smell alone, just…” or whatever nonsense they think will make them look good. I guarantee you the case will be gone by the end of whatever it is you are doing.

This brings to mind a story which may help illustrate how much White Castle means to me and how intertwined it is with my life.

After my mother died, there was a get together. It has recently been brought to my attention that it was a sort of funeral “after party”, for lack of a better description, but I always thought this took place during the Summer, and Mom passed in early Fall. But I digress.

Anyway, there were a lot of people there, and, as tends to happen, a lot of drink. Now there’s one thing that happens at every party when people begin drinking heavily-they get hungry. At this point, there are only two options: you order pizza or go get White Castle. Naturally, we all chose the latter.

A collection was taken up, and the money presented to myself and my best friend Tim. It was decided that we should be the ones to go get the White Castles, since we were obviously the most sober. We weren’t anywhere near sober, not even on the same street, but that just shows you how well everyone else was doing. My Dad commissioned us by handing me money and saying “Here’s eighty dollars-go get us some gutbombs.” With a clear mission (if not clear heads) and the sacred trust of everyone in attendance, we began our quest.

I decided to pull up to the drive-thru, since walking seemed to be a little bit perilous. Here’s how that convo went down.

WHITE CASTLE LADY: Welcome to White Castle can I take your order?
ME: Yeah, I need eighty dollars worth of burgers.
WCL: (slight pause) A hundred of ’em will be seventy eight ninety three.
ME: Okay, gimme that…and a small diet coke.
WCL: Come around.

We pulled up to the window after waiting for the cars in front, because late night is always packed, and I handed her my money, plus a few extra cents for tax. She handed me my Diet Coke, and then got a look of concentration on her face. She studied the size of the monster box of burgers building up behind her, and then the size of the relatively small window they were supposed to be passed through. “Y’all gonna have to come inside.”

So we parked the car in a space (kind of) and went in. I dutifully sipped my Diet Coke and we both did our best to hold up the walls by leaning on them. For support. The box was soon filled. Tim carried them back to the car, since I was driving and already had a Diet Coke in my hand. I think we put them in the trunk, but maybe they were in the back seat. I don’t remember which, but I do know my Dodge Shadow smelled like Castles for like a week.

Upon returning to the party, the box was demolished in record time. Somebody had the nerve to ask if we’d actually spent all the money or if we’d pinched some off the top, but I spent it all and then a little more. So I could get my Diet Coke. The reason the burgers were gone so fast was not because we shorted anyone on supply, but because White Castles are just THAT GOOD. I also firmly believe they are a vital source of nutrients to the inebriated party goer, but official tests have remained inconclusive.

So as you can see, White Castle and I have a long history together. When I became a father, one of the things I couldn’t wait to do was introduce my kids to the pleasures of White Castle. My wife isn’t exactly a fan, but I don’t blame her. It’s my fault, I go to her late. The kids have mostly taken to them, though the boy just eats the chicken and the eldest daughter was a little slow to come around.

However, my youngest daughter loved them right away. Daddy’s girl, she is. In fact, one of the things we like to do is to get Castle burgers together whenever the two of us are out and about on our own. Sometimes we let the others come with, but it’s a bond we share, being the two in our family unit who really love the burgers.

And now, our neighborhood White Castle is gone. I haven’t told her yet. These conversations are tough and need to be handled gently.

But just how the heck am I supposed to tell her that our spot no longer exists? And where the heck are we supposed to go when we crave that special taste?

Probably to the one that’s down the way a bit. I mean, there are still two more within driving distance, but it’s not the same. Most of my life I have had a White Castle within about a 5-10 minute drive. I am now looking at nineteen. Okay, so maybe that makes the trip more special, but it’s harder to just pick up a sack of ten on my way home, or to get WC for me and youngest, while everybody else gets whatever inferior thing they choose.

Without my neighborhood Castle I feel a little lost and out of place. It is a dark day indeed, but as a proud, longstanding member of Craver Nation I will rise above this turn of events. For White Castle isn’t just food, it is a way of life. It is a cherished gift to man from the Heavens above.

This I promise: I shall overcome this obstacle, and once more feast upon the very food of Olympus itself!!!

And a small Diet Coke.

MonDAVEs-The Rejects

As previously stated, the theme of this blog (if there is one) is connection. Sometimes I try to accomplish this by sharing bits of my personal life and the inner workings of my brain in the hopes that others may see a little bit of themselves in what I write. This is my small attempt at unity. If we can see ourselves in others, and vice versa, maybe we won’t feel so alone in our thoughts and feelings, thereby bringing us closer together one little piece at a time.

More often though, I just try to entertain. Bringing a smile to someone’s day is just as important to me as pretty much anything else I can do. As a result, I try to come up with different topics, and sometimes they get pretty silly. I usually try to go with something that’s got a little bit of thought behind it, but I have to go through a lot of really weird and, dare I say, stupid ideas to get to one good one.

The following is a small sample of those rejected ideas.

“Animals I Could Do Without”
-Rejected because it would probably alienate too many animal lovers.
“Euphemisms And Why They Matter”
-To be followed by a sister post on acronyms. Rejected for being too word-geeky.
“Name That Tune: The Written Version”
-Try to name this one: “Doo doo doo doo doo doo, doo doot doot’n doo doo doot doo”. Just like a full post of that. Rejected because it’s only funny one time.
“Here’s A Bunch Of Smells I Like”
-Honestly, I might still do this one.
“That Time I Drank Way Too Much And threw Up In A Stranger’s Car”
-One of my best stories, actually, but much better told than written.
“Squares. Why?”
-Rejected for being too academic.
“Everything Is 90% B.S.”
-Basically true, and quite liberating once you understand it. Rejected for potentially being a little too dark.
“Shakespeare Vs. Dickens: Whose Audiobooks Bring Better Sleep?”
-Rejected for being too difficult to research. I kept dozing off.
“Life Was Better Before The Internet”
-Rejected because I couldn’t get past the irony/dichotomy/stupidity/whatever of posting this topic ON MY BLOG. It was also kind of grouchy old man-ish. “Back in my day…”
“I’m Sick Of Outer Space”
-Rejected because it was more frustrated rant than funny piece. Plus, nobody cares.

Well, there you have it, a look into the creative process that brings you topics for MonDaves. I have a very weird noggin. Apologies. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to think up some stuff for next week. See you then!

Thinking About the New Year

Well, the Holiday Season is officially over. Another Christmas and New Year’s Eve are in the books. The decorations have all come down (well, most of them, anyway), and we’re heading into the heart of Winter. This time of year always brings me down a little bit. Partially because I love the Holidays so much and hate to see them end, but also because I am no fan of the cold, darkness, and weather conditions that Old Man Winter brings with him. Granted, this December has been unseasonably warm here in the St. Louis area, but Winter announced its arrival over the weekend and, judging from the impending forecast, intends on making up for some lost time.

I’ve often wondered why we chose January to begin the new year. I mean, obviously it had a lot to do with the harvest season and all, but it’s just interesting to me that the year begins when it does. Why now? Why not like, I don’t know, April, when things are starting to get warm and brighten up? Why doesn’t the year begin in Spring? It seems to me like it might have been better, especially 2000 plus years ago when life was extremely hard during the Winter, to finish the year during the cold period and begin fresh when nature itself does.

But then, perhaps there’s a reason why we choose to begin the New Year during these cold months. It’s a good time to stay indoors, warm ourselves with a fire, a good hearty meal, and our beverage of choice, and reflect.

We can reflect on the year that has just passed us by, both the good and the bad parts of it, from both the perspective of society at large and our from own personal feelings. What were the big successes we had this year? What could have gone better? What did we learn and, more importantly, will we ever learn?

It’s also a good time to think about the future. What concrete plans can we make for the next few months? What are our desires? What dreams can we begin to chase, and what needs to remain a dream, at least for a little while longer?

This is the proper mindset for making any “New Year’s Resolutions” that so many are fond of doing. The trouble is that most of us make a small list of resolutions half heartedly out of a feeling of obligation but we don’t take them very seriously. We may go after them for a few weeks, but then it’s right back to where we were on Dec. 31st. I think the problem is we set unrealistic goals with no real forethought of how we are going to attain them or what it would take to do so. Nor do we consider what it would actually mean to our lives if we did. Therefore we are content to make ourselves feel better for a short period of time, and then shrug it off when things don’t work out because they were “just silly resolutions” anyway.

I’ve never liked making New Year’s resolutions. I think it’s that word, “resolution”, it’s so serious and intimidating. Resolving to do something is like a promise or an oath you make to others and yourself, and it’s not something one should take lightly. Especially if you’re not going to put in the effort to make it happen. For the record, I feel the same way when a business or organization I am involved in talks about “vision casting.” I don’t like that phrase either, it makes my neck itch.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s good to think about the future. It’s good to make plans, to set goals. It’s good to want to become a better person. I’m just not so sure that being obliged to do so just because it’s January is the way to go about it.

However, since most people I know are doing the whole “New Year’s Resolutions” thing, I figured I’d go ahead and play along. Well, to an extent. I am not going to write a list of things I resolve to do in the next year. I am merely going to list a few things that would be nice to accomplish, and I will try and work in that direction. See? No pressure. No obligations. No itchy neck. Here we go.

-I would like to read more. I enjoy reading, both fiction and non-fiction, and I fully understand the importance of reading and how it enriches my life. I just don’t do it enough. It’s not due to any lack of availability. My entire family are readers and there are books everywhere in this house. Part of my problem is that I get distracted doing other things and don’t carve out the time to read like I ought to. The other problem is that when I am done reading an interesting book I need to live with it for awhile. With non-fiction books I tend to ruminate on what I have learned, be it a life lesson or just some neat little trivia. But with fiction books, I am usually reluctant to leave the world it has created for me and I want to stay with those characters I have grown to love just a little bit longer. As a result I don’t read very many books in a year, which is okay. Quality over quantity, right? But I do have room for more.

-I’d like to get my weight down a little bit. I have had an issue with my weight all my life and have never been what you’d call thin, but there’s a weight range I am comfortable with and I am currently not within it. Some of this is due to medications, but with a little more effort I can get closer to that place. I was actually doing a little better a few weeks back but I let myself go over the Holidays. Time to get back on track, methinks.

-I’d like to get outside more. You know, when it’s not cold. I need to go on longer walks. Get some more sun. See some more nature. Maybe travel more, schedule and COVID permitting.

-I’d like to focus more on my beliefs. That includes my faith, and social justice issues. Being a Christian and a Liberal is the hardest thing I do. But it shouldn’t be, since I believe that “Progressive Christianity” isn’t an oxymoron. If I begin putting faith into action, I think it could go from difficult to rewarding. I just need to do it one step at a time. Like this.

-I’d like to create more. Sure, I have this blog, but there’s more I could be doing. I have the desire and the ideas, I have just become complacent and, frankly, a little discouraged over the years. Maybe a little nervous too. Let’s face it though, I’m not getting any younger and even though I may be a little too old to set the world on fire, that’s not an excuse to not try. Connecting with people through entertainment is my favorite thing. That’s why I do this. I just need to do more, and maybe mix in some different stuff too.

Okay, that got a little more serious than I thought it would. There’s some good ideas there, though, and some nice goals to work towards. Okay, my neck did itch a little. Maybe it’s my shirt.

Anyway, see you next week.

Random Stuff From My Brain Box

A few random thoughts I have had this week.

The conversation I have had the most as an adult is as follows: “Excuse me.” “Oh no, you’re fine.” I have been on both ends of that conversation. Usually at the grocery store, often multiple times in the same visit.
Enough with the glitter already. Avoid the temptation this season and save whoever opens your gift a lot of bother. Sure it’s fun to look at, but it’s a pain in the butt. Kind of like TicTok.
Why is it called “The Great British Bake Off” in England but “The Great British Baking Show” here in America? Follow up: Why do I care?
Most “cat people” are fine with dogs, but a lot of “dog people” really, really, really hate cats. I mean, like, H-A-T-E cats, to the point of wishing them harm. Why is that?
This whole flavored candy cane thing has gone too far. If I get a candy cane I expect peppermint, that’s it. I was tolerant when some other flavors started creping in, like cinnamon, or chocolate, or chocolate-peppermint for that matter. I turned a blind eye to the Life Savers and Starburst companies making their own multiflavored canes. However, I was recently informed that there are new flavors like mac and cheese, dill pickle and, get ready-kale flavored candy canes. We gotta chill y’all. Some things are best left alone. Back to peppermint, please.
I bet if he really tried Peter Jackson could do a project that has only one part and clocks in under three hours. I know he did so in the past with his early horror films but he hasn’t been able to do so for some time. It would take some focus but I believe in him.
The technical terms involved in glass blowing have incredibly dirty double meanings, but I shan’t elaborate.
In the past 24 hours, the temperature has gone from 61 degrees down to 28(!) and back up to 59 degrees. This is why I am not a fan of autumn in this part of the country-it can’t get its act together weather-wise. Sure, Autumn is fun to look at, but it’s a pain in the butt. Kind of like Tic Tok.
Watched a documentary on the movie “Elf”. I didn’t realize that it was directed by John Favreau. I only know him from his association with the MCU. For those unfamiliar, he’s the guy who plays Happy Hogan in the Iron Man/Spider Man films. So Happy directed Elf. That makes me happy. Except I didn’t direct anything. Because I’m happy, not Happy. You know what, skip it. Never mind.
I love Christmas decorations. I always wait until the day after Thanksgiving, but I enjoy seeing them go up all over town, and if other people want to do it earlier that’s okay with me. The decorations at my house are somewhat humble via comparison to a lot of what you see. I think there’s more stuff inside now than out, but y’know, I actually look at what is inside more often, so why not? Anyway, my yard has a few small inflatables and there is a simple strand of lights on our porch and through the bushes. A few of my neighbors go all out though, which I appreciate and think is awesome. I’d love to join them, but I just can’t see me doing so. I simply don’t have the patience. I mean, when I think about all the hours of work these people put in, it’s just too much for me. Sure, it would be fun to look at, but it’s a pain in the butt. Kind of like Tik Toc.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got for today. that’s pretty much what it’s like to spend an extended weekend in my brain, which is not really recommended. I do it so you don’t have to. Christmas stuff next week. See you then.

Oh, and sorry for running that joke into the ground. The “Comedy Rule of Three” is in effect here. But to be honest I don’t know that it worked. Sure, it was funny at first, but it wound up being a pain in the butt. Kind of like MonDAVEs.

What, you were expecting a different punchline?

Seriously though, thanks for reading. Please come back next week when I promise to be more coherent.