Settling The Great Debate

All right America, it’s time to pick a side. This debate has raged on long enough. I’m drawing a line in the sand. I’ve got my two cents and I’m ready to throw down! I’m about to bring the fire, and set y’all straight once and for all. Here we go. You ready? Dig this:

Conifers are better than deciduous trees.

Yeah, I said it. Now I’m gonna prove it.

First of all, I had to look up how to spell “deciduous” just then, so that’s a point to conifers right off the bat. Easier to spell, easier to love.

Second, conifers have more varieties than most folks believe. In fact, there are over five hundred varieties! Many people think of conifers as just the evergreen Pine or Fir trees we are so familiar with, but the conifer family includes such diverse trees as Spruce, Hemlocks, the Larch, Redwoods, and the Giant Sequoya. Ever driven or walked through the Sequoias in California? You’ve been through a conifer, my friend, and probably snapped a pic to remember the experience.*

Also, the tallest tree in the world is the Hyperion, which is a Coastal Redwood otherwise known as, you guessed it, a conifer! and bigger is better, so there!

Another thing to love about conifer trees is that they are so good for the home. Conifers planted close to the home can help with insulation of the house, and help to protect from nasty weather.

Now, in fairness, it should be pointed out that conifers do not change color in the fall. So we do have to begrudgingly give that one to the deciduous trees as it is quite pretty. However, conifers’ leaves don’t change because they DON’T HAVE LEAVES in the first place. Which I think is quite considerate.

Let’s talk leaves for a moment. Most deciduous trees lose all of their leaves in Autumn/early winter. All of them. Most conifers (or Evergreens in this case) lose only a fraction of their needles each year-and some don’t lose them yearly at all. There are exceptions to this rule on both sides, but for the most part we can give the edge here to the conifer. Okay, so you may have to duck a pine cone or two, but that’s just good old Mother Nature seeding out her favorite tree. Plus, you can make crafts with them to decorate for the Holidays.

And since we’re on the topic of holidays…which type of tree is it that is used to celebrate Christmas again? Oh yeah…Evergreens. CONIFERS!!! If it’s good enough to celebrate the birth of Christ, it’s good enough for me. Just maybe don’t look too hard into the theology of that one. Aaannnywayyyy….

I believe we now have more than enough evidence to illustrate the superiority of the conifer trees. So I will leave you with the words of a little band called They Might Be Giants and a quote from their anthem “C Is For Conifers” (aka the greatest song ever):

Most with cones for seeds,
Most with needles for leaves
C is for Conifers
My kind of trees

Whew, glad that’s settled! Come back soon for more truth bombs and intelligent discourse on hot button topics right here in MonDAVEs!!!

*This is an admittedly silly post, but the Giant Redwood Sequoias of California really are endangered by wildfire as we speak. Consider donating to the National Parks Service to not only help save the Sequoias but also to help maintain all of our wonderful National Parks.

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