Horseshoes And Salsa

Well, here we are. Another Monday is upon us, and with it comes yet another one of these messages from my brain-box sure to delight, amaze, and enlighten. Okay, probably not, but at the least it should give you a nice distraction for a few minutes.

I’ve got a few topics simmering away waiting to be presented soon but I checked on them a little while ago and they’re not quite ready yet. Still, a deadline’s a deadline, right? A commitment’s a commitment, a promise is a promise, and I promised you faithful MonDAVEs readers that I’d be back this week. So I needed a topic but quick. I have decided to turn to outside help.

This week I am using a “Blog Ideas Generator” from hubspot.com. The directions were quite simple. I was to enter up to five unique nouns and the generator would shoot me back a week of blog ideas. I knew all those hours of playing Mad Libs would pay off someday!!! Anyway, this process went about as well as you’d expect, with fairly predictable results. Still, it’s a fun experiment, so I’ll walk you through this experience by letting you know which nouns I entered, what the results were, and give a brief analysis of the same.

Five Random Nouns:
-Dogs
-Horseshoe
-Ballerina
-Salsa
-Flower

The results:

  1. This week’s Top Stories About Flower
      Well, it’s Winter here, so there probably aren’t many flower stories, but let me check. (Googles “Flower News”) Oh, well, yeah, okay, it’s almost Valentine’s day so there are a few articles about how people will spend stupid money on flowers next week (almost $26 billion all told) and how Miley Cyrus won a Grammy for her song called “Flowers”. Not bad for a slow news cycle I guess. Maybe we’ll check back in Spring.
  2. Horseshoe Explained In Fewer Than 140 Characters
      Oh, well, yeah, okay, um… here goes: “A horseshoe is a shoe for horses which we somehow turned into a game played at picnics which nobody understands except that one guy who’s really into it.” How’d I do?
  3. Will horseshoe Ever Rule The World?
      In what context? Like, do I think horseshoe will ever become the biggest game in the world? Nah, there’s not enough flash to the game, and corporate sponsorships would ruin the purity of the whole thing. But then, I do live within driving distance of the National Horseshoe Pitchers Hall Of Fame And Museum (true) so it must be a fairly popular game. I mean, bowling is televised and up for Olympic consideration, so who knows?
      Or, wait, did I read this wrong? Is the question implying that there may be a horseshoe that becomes sentient and will lead a successful campaign for world domination? You know, there was a point when I would have said no, but nothing has surprised me since like 2019, so sure.
  4. The Next Big Thing In Horseshoe
      Why the hell is this generator so obsessed with horseshoe? Is this the best AI can do? Pretty pathetic if you ask me. Unless it knows something we don’t…which would lend support for the world domination thing…hmmm. Now I’m kinda freaked out. You know, horseshoes are supposed to be good luck. Well, for us humans anyway. I’m not sure how the horses feel about it. Look, can we move on to a different topic, please?
  5. Salsa: Expectations Vs. Reality
      Ooh, here we go. There are few better snacks than chips and salsa, and few worse things than getting a less than satisfactory salsa dip. I’m not sure about you, but I always expect the salsa to be nice and thick, with the onions and pepper and whatnot clearly identifiable on my chip. I can’t stand a thin salsa. I mean, I’ll eat it, obviously, but I won’t get a second bowl. Also, what’s up with the smooth, pulverized salsa you get at low end restaurants? It’s not thick or thin, but there are no recognizable bits, and there is always a little runny stuff left over. It’s weird.
      Then there’s the heat factor. When I dip my chips into a salsa I expect lots of flavor, but not too much kick. A little is fine on the back end, but don’t burn my tongue unless you warn me first that it’s going to be a hot one. Then I can prepare with the right drink and some extra chips at the ready.
      Plus, what’s the deal with all the fire roasted salsas I am encountering now? I don’t care for that. It tastes like somebody burned the salsa somehow. Again, warn me before I dig in. My favorite salsa variety is Peach Salsa (particularly Mrs. Renfro’s), but the fire roasted versions some brands use do it no favors.
      Oh, I should emphasize that this section pertains only to the standard red salsa varieties. I never touch that green stuff. Y’all are on your own with that.

All right, there you have it, five blogs in one! Sort of. More like two with subsections. Anyway, that’s what I get for trusting a random generator I guess. Interesting that it completely ignored both “dogs” and “ballerina” as topics, since they would actually make pretty decent ideas. Still, I am a pet owner, and my daughter is very much into dance, so chances are these topics will come up at some point anyway.

Take care of yourselves. Back soon with more stuff.

P.S.-The horseshoe sandwich is also a delicacy (?) originating in Springfield, Illinois involving toasted bread, beef patties, french fries, and cheese sauce served open faced mostly to college students and people who are out way later than their normal bedtime.

P.P.S. Also…a horseshoe crab is a thing. Make your own joke, I don’t know. Just figured it belonged here somewhere.

Under Construction

Gonna get real here for a minute. You have been warned.

Over the weekend someone I knew back in the old days passed away. This wasn’t somebody I knew well. We weren’t friends, more like acquaintances. His name was Tom Johnson.

I knew Tom back during my stand up comedy days. He was an established comic on the local scene, and I was just starting out as an open mic-er. I always thought he was next level funny. He had a sense of the absurd that was dark and irreverent, and his jokes could surprise and shock just as much as they could delight. These were qualities I looked up to in a comic back then, and to a degree I still do today.

Not only was he hysterical, but he was a decent guy. He never made me feel “less than” like some other established comics did, and accepted me and my comedy pals into the fold. I mean, he didn’t go out of his way to help us get a leg up (you have to earn your place in that world!), but he didn’t make fun either, which to my impressionable self was just as good. I remember getting a few small pointers form him as well after a set one night at the now defunct Comedy Etc. in Collinsville, IL.

I only knew Tom for a short while before he moved away to seek his fortune, which he did. He wound up as one of the writers on Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show” back in it’s 1990s heyday (which always made me proud that I knew that guy) and I believe he was still writing for that show when he passed.

Like I said, I wasn’t at all close to him, and he probably wouldn’t remember me in the slightest, but his death really hit me. Hard. Way harder than it should have. I mean, I don’t think I’d even thought about him for years. Still, when I was scrolling through the entertainment news on my phone and read the article in “Variety” I let out an audible gasp and a “nooo….”, and was shocked speechless for a while.

Part of this reaction was, of course, nostalgia for the old days, and part the loss of someone I respected. Yet, it’s bigger than that. I think I was also reacting to me.

This unfortunate news really got me thinking. I started thinking about some of the old gang of comics I used to pal around with and what they are doing now. I am still in touch with some, but others I lost contact with years ago. A little googling (not in a creepy way) showed me that some are still active in the comedy game, and others have moved on. I know a few who are still performing in other ways such as being in bands, local television, writing books, etc. One old friend works seasonally in haunted houses and making appearances as Santa. Good for all of them, they have found a way to keep things going! I admire that.

I also miss that. It’s been a number of years since I have done anything creative, outside of this blog that is. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing it and I’m glad you all read it, but it’s not quite the same thing as what I’d done before. I have been a comic, an actor in small theater productions, and a musician over the years. The last project of note I did was in 2016. For someone who considers themselves a creative type, that’s a long dry spell. Okay, so the pandemic didn’t exactly help matters, but still.

Somewhere along the way during that time I lost my spark. I lost that part of my personality. I think it happened slowly, to where I didn’t really notice, as I just busied myself with life and what was around me. I have a good life, to be sure, and I can’t complain. Still, I can’t help but feel that loss.

Without a steady creative outlet, I don’t feel quite as complete, and I am just now realizing it has been affecting me in ways that I hadn’t been aware of. I am not as jovial as I used to be. I’m not as sharp either. As I’ve fallen into the same old routines, I’ve become slower, duller, and more, well, boring. Some of that can be attributed to age, sure, but not all of it. I haven’t really felt like myself for quite some time, in fact my self confidence and self esteem have both dropped to lower levels than I would like to admit. I’ve grown complacent and ambivalent about a lot of things. Not completely, mind you, but it’s there all the ame. Again, it happened so gradually I didn’t really notice. Now I have. I’ve lost a part of myself, and I miss me.

So, I need to figure some things out. I need to find my fire again. My passion. I need to take a long look in the mirror and work on that guy who’s staring back at me. He’s not a bad guy, I don’t hate him or anything, but he could use some work in a lot of different areas. This loss of sense of self has affected my day to day just as much as my overall state of being. That’s not good, y’all. It’s time to do a little self re-evaluation. It’s time to go to work.

Now, please don’t misunderstand, this is all internal stuff that needs to happen, not external. I’m not about to have a mid-life crisis and leave my family or anything like that. I love them deeply and wouldn’t swap them for all the riches in the world. So don’t hear what I didn’t say. I just need to find my way back to me. It’s going to take a little time, a little work, and some intentionality, but I’m betting on a big payoff down the road.

Okay, there we are. Thanks for sticking with me guys, I really needed to get that out. I’ll be back to the usual stuff next week.

One more thing. To Tom: you inspired me as a young comedian, and in a way, you have inspired me again. Thank you. Oh, and say hi to Bernie. His song still haunts my dreams, and I am better for it! Rest in peace.

First post of 2024

Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s a toast I made at midnight with the fam. I’m sharing with my readers today to extend the good wishes to you all.

“Welcome 2024, may it be better than the year before.

May we have more ups than downs, may there be more smiles than frowns.

May all the ones we hold so dear remain safe and healthy all year.

Let’s raise a glass to ’24. May it be better than the year before!”

Thanks for your support this past year. It means a lot to me that you guys come check this blog out, whether you’re here each week or you just pop in from time to time, I appreciate you taking a few minuted to rewd my words and check in.

The best way I can think of to show my gratitude is to keep coming up with fun stuff for you each week to raise a smile and hopefully help make your Mondays (or whenever you read these) a little better.

See you next week!

Christmas Wishes For All

The following is from the film “The Man Who Invented Christmas,” a recent addition to the classic Christmas Movie canon here in the Brink household. I can think of little to add. So, I send this out to all my readers far and wide on this special day.

“I wish you all many Merry Christmases, friendships, great accumulations of cheerful recollections, and Heaven at last for all of us.

In the season of hope, we will shut out nothing from our firesides, and everyone will be welcome.

Welcome what has been and what is, and what we hope may be to this shelter underneath the holly. Happy, happy Christmas to one and all!”

See you next week.

Christmas Traditions from Around The World

Christmas will be here before you know it. While everyone has their favorite Christmas traditions, the holiday can look very different depending on your location. Here in the United States tradition changes not only family to family, but by state and region as well. Naturally, the same can be said for Christmases in other countries.

What follows is a list of traditions from around the world that I find interesting. From cute, to cool, to creepy, here’s a quick look into how Christmas is done throughout the globe.

-In Oaxaca, Mexico, December 23rd is celebrated as Noche de Los Rábanos, or “Night Of The Radishes”, which sounds like an awesome B-grade science fiction movie from the 1950’s, but it’s not. This tradition began hundreds of years ago when merchants would carve radishes into different designs as a way to sell their wares to shoppers on their way to Christmas church services. The most attractive and imaginative pieces were bought to be centerpieces for the holiday dinner table.

The holiday was made official in 1897, and it is now a huge festival, attracting tourists and artisans from near and far. Cash prizes are given out for the best radish carvings each year. This is followed by a parade on December 24th for Christmas Eve, and a large, city wide fiesta on Christmas Day.

-Have you heard about the the Christmas Spider in Ukraine? No, no, it’s actually kind of sweet, in an eww kind of way. According to local folklore, there was once a poor widow with children who watched a pine tree outside their home grow into a Christmas tree. This brought them happiness, yet they were sad that they couldn’t afford to decorate it. The widow hung fruit and nuts on the tree in hopes of making her children happy in the morning. Overnight, the local spiders decided to pitch in by weaving silver and gold webs all around the tree to decorate for the family. The next day, the widow and her family were amazed and delighted.

This whole thing reminds me of Charlotte’s Web without Templeton who, let’s face it, was the best part of that cartoon version from my childhood. Anyway…

While I’ll take a pass on this particular tradition, Ukrainians decorate their trees with ornaments that look like spiders and their webs, which are meant to bring good fortune. This year, the story and tradition are that much more important.

-In Japan it is estimated that at least 3.6 million families treat themselves to a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken for their Christmas dinner. While Japan is not a Christian country, KFC ran a (somewhat dubious) campaign advertising the idea that KFC for Christmas was a time honored Western tradition. It isn’t, of course, but since when does truth interfere with profits? Anyway, the whole thing took off, and it is now a time honored tradition in Japan. It is so popular that many families place their orders days in advance so as not to be left out.

I see you, Japan, and I’m here for this fine tradition. Save me a drumstick.

-Many people in the United States are familiar with the German tradition of hiding a pickle shaped ornament in the Christmas tree. The idea is that the green pickle ornament is buried deep within the branches and, being green, is difficult to find. The children are set the task of finding the pickle, and whoever finds the pickle first gets either a bonus present, or gets to be the first to open a present. Cute tradition, right?

Here’s the thing, though. This tradition is not German. Most Germans have never heard of it. No one seems to know exactly where this came from, but somebody came up with the Germany idea, and it just stuck.

-Most of the beloved Christmas characters in the U.S. are the positive, happy, loving kind. Even most of our villains have a little good in them, usually brought out by the end of the story. Mr. Grinch would be a case in point. Some European countries, especially in Central Europe, are a little different.

Sure, many countries have a version of Santa Claus, but many have his opposite as well. The most famous is Krampus, a half demon/half goat creature that goes around punishing naughty children around Christmastime by beating them with branches and sticks, or stuffing them into his sack to take them away to Hell. He often arrives in early December with St. Nicholas, who of course, rewards the good kids with candy. Obviously this is a story invented to scare kids into being good, but it doesn’t stop there. Krampusnacht (Krampus Night) is celebrated in many cities with grown men running through the streets dressed as Krampus, terrorizing the townsfolk in the name of tradition and, um, family fun (?). This gives me nightmares just thinking about it, I can’t imagine being a kid during that time. Although I suppose it’s probably no worse than what goes on in some neighborhoods for Halloween here in the States.

There are other evil or mischievous Christmastime characters throughout the world, such as goblins, witches, gnomes, etc. One I have just recently learned about that I am fascinated by is the Yule cat. In Iceland, the Yule cat is a huge, viscous cat that hides in the countryside and preys on people who don’t receive new clothes to wear before Christmas Eve. That’s right folks, if you don’t have some new duds to get you through the winter, the Yule cat will straight up eat you alive! Wow, and here I thought that the Grumpy Cat Christmas Special was the worst thing a cat could do to me during the holidays. Remind me to donate some parkas to the poor in Iceland this year-they’re going to need some!

-And finally, let’s talk about Christmas decorations, especially those found in Catalunya, Spain. Like most others who celebrate Christmas, the Catalonians decorate with Nativity scenes. All the usual figures are there of course, with Mary and Joseph, Baby Jesus, Shepherds, Wise Men, etc. However, there is one character that we don’t have-a caganer.

What’s a caganer? Well. I’m pretty sure he’s not biblical. A caganer is a character that is stuck in a Nativity scene, usually hidden in the back or a corner, who is caught quite literally with his pants down, answering nature’s call. Yup. It’s a pooping statue. Google it. Even I can’t make this up!

The caganer has traditionally been depicted wearing a white shirt and a traditional Catalan hat, but in modern times has been made to match the likeness of fictional characters like Darth Vader, or politicians like Vladimir Putin, and many other famous celebrities. The tradition of the caganer has been traced back to the 18th century, but historians aren’t quite sure of its meaning. Some claim the caganer to represent fertility and the fertilization of the Earth. Others say these little characters to be a reminder that God is coming on his own time table-whether we are ready or not! Still others believe he is in the Nativity scenes to represent the mischief and evil tendencies in mankind, balancing out the purity and wholesomeness of the traditional Nativity-and thereby proving the point as to why Jesus came in the first place.

Maybe it is a symbolic character, or maybe the Catalonians just have a top tier sense of humor. There have been multiple attempts to remove the character from public Nativity scenes in recent years, but they have been unsuccessful since most people see the caganer as part of their heritage. Well, whatever you think about all this, one thing is clear. The Catalonians absolutely win at Christmas decorating. Game, set, and match.

Well, that’s quite enough for this week, I think. Maybe you’ve learned about a Christmas tradition or two you hadn’t heard of before. Perhaps you’re inspired to seek out new traditions of your own…or maybe not. Wherever we are and however we celebrate, the traditions we hold dear are always a big part of every Christmas.

See you next week!