Me And My (Not Quite) Spirit Animal

A lot of people have a “spirit animal”. Usually it’s something majestic like an eagle, or fierce and determined like a lion. Some are serene like the butterfly or grasshopper. There are many different animals people relate to based upon their personality, and some people even look to these animals as guides and inspirations for how to live life.

Well, I don’t have one of those. Although if I did, it would probably be some sort of fish.

Don’t get me wrong, I like animals a lot, and I do feel that we as humans can connect with the animal kingdom in many ways. I’ve just never found an animal that I felt could represent me in quite that same fashion. So no, I don’t have a Spirit Animal.

I have a Spirit Muppet.

You see, I, like pretty much every kid born after 1970 grew up with the Muppets. I started watching “Sesame Street” in the ’70s (when it was the hippest kid’s show out there), I was around for the original airings of “The Muppet Show”, and saw their movies in theaters. Their popularity has gone up and down throughout the years but there has always been a Muppety presence in pop culture and since they were a part of my childhood I have remained a fan. Some of that is pure nostalgia, sure, but I do still enjoy watching the whole fuzzy gang whenever I happen to catch them.

It occurs to me now that I have always had a Spirit Muppet. As I have matured and evolved as a person, my personal Muppet has done the same. I wonder, do Spirit Animals work the same way? It seems to me that a natural progression would be something like: hummingbird-mockingbird-hawk-eagle-owl. That would be sophisticated and cool, so that’s probably not the way it works, but it should be.

As for my own journey, I’m pretty sure my first Spirit Muppet was loveable, furry old Grover. He was the perfect choice as a kid. He’s always up for a new adventure, full of curiosity and imagination, and though he faced many setbacks, Grover is always able to come out the other side stronger and better for the experience. He also gave us kids a taste of what it’s like to work with the general public during all those waiter sketches. A valuable lesson to be sure.

Then as I got older, I hopped around a little, with multiple Muppets showing the way. The Junior High/High School years were pretty much a combo of Floyd Pepper and Gonzo The Great. After all, don’t we all ping-pong between feeling like the coolest person in the room and a total weirdo during that time in our lives?

After school my life took a bit of a different turn than most as I actually tried to find a career in Showbiz. Clearly I sat through one too many viewings of “The Muppet Movie” as a child. Anyway, apart from any local plays I could be in, I found myself spending several years as a stand up comic. Fozzie Bear all the way. I mean, I think I bombed a little less than he did, and had WAY different material but the connection was there.

Onward into the workforce, where we are all pretty much Scooter. Or sometimes Beaker, but that’d be a little rough, so Scooter it is!

Then all the responsibilities of adulthood begin to kick in and one could do worse than to look to Kermit as an example for navigating the way through whatever life throws at you. I’m not as good at it as he is, of course, but it’s nice to have goals.

Now though, I am entering a phase of life where another Muppet character is becoming more and more relatable. I am a middle aged man-not fifty for another year yet, but it’s coming down the pike. I am getting to be a little more set in my ways, I’m a little less likely to put up with other people’s nonsense, and I just feel like I am who I am and I like what I like, and if you don’t like it, well, that doesn’t really affect me in the slightest.

At this point in my life I would have to say that my Spirit Muppet is Oscar The Grouch.

Oscar gets a bad rap, man. I was never a fan as a youngster but I get it now. Sure, he’s a little cantankerous sometimes. He can be difficult to get along with, and he’d often rather just be left alone to just get on with his day than have to go out of his way for someone who’s annoyingly happy. Oscar’s surrounded by his stuff, his pet worm (Smiley rules!), and his Grouch girlfriend* and that’s all he really needs, thank you very much. Oscar is unapologetically Oscar, and that’s freedom, y’all!!!

And yet, that’s all on the outside. Oscar has proven time and again that when he is really needed, he’s there. If one of his neighbors (friends really, but he’d never call them that) truly needs help they can count on him when the chips are down. He’ll complain about it-endlessly-but he’s got your back.

The secret to Oscar is he’s got a heart of gold. It’s buried under a lot of hard rock and coal, but it’s in there. And while I’m not really as bad as all that, I sure do find myself relating more and more to that little green guy as the years go on.

But if the pattern holds and I keep progressing, Oscar won’t be my Spirit Muppet for too long. Sooner or later the kids will grow older and I will retire. My hope is that I will not turn into Statler or Waldorf, but perhaps be more like Uncle Traveling Matt from Fraggle Rock. It would be nice to spend time going on travels and relaying stories of what I have learned and discovered to the younger folks.

Okay, so maybe Muppets aren’t actual spiritual guides, but they do reflect truths about us all. That’s why they are still around. Having just had my birthday I’ve been in a reflective mood and this has been a fun way to get some of those thoughts and feelings out. Thanks for indulging my goofiness. Come back and indulge me in more goofiness next week for another MonDAVE!!!

*It should be noted that I in no way intended to compare my wife to Oscar’s girlfriend Grundgetta. My wife is very sweet and charming. She’s more of a Prairie Dawn type.

Family Vacation in Georgia 2021 Part One

Last week my family took our first vacation since the pandemic started back in March of 2020. We booked earlier this year with some hesitation since we weren’t really sure where everything would be as far as restrictions, vaccinations, etc. Fortunately things have moved in our favor. Everyone in our house who is eligible to be vaccinated has been, and while the threat from Covid-19 and its variants is far from over, there seems to be enough of a handle on it that we were comfortable in going ahead as long as we played it safe.

When we decided to go forward with our plans to travel, we decided that our top priority was to find a destination that wouldn’t be overly crowded, but still offer plenty to do. We wanted to be able to explore the outdoors, but still eat at some new (to us) restaurants, maybe visit some small shops, that kind of thing. So we quickly determined that large cities and well known tourist destinations were out. We did find what we were looking for by staying in the Blue Ridge mountains in a little town called Clarkesville Georgia.

Through the IHG hotel group and Holiday Inn Club Vacations we booked a Sunday-Thurs. stay at the Apple Mountain Resort. The resort itself is tucked away just outside of Clarkesville proper, amid lots of twisty-turny mountain roads with little but farmland and small rural neighborhoods surrounding it. The nearest fast food/Wal-Mart is about a 15 minute drive, as is the quiet downtown itself, although naturally in opposite directions. The resort itself offers quite a bit of amenities to keep their guests entertained. There is a full 18 hole golf course on premises (which I did not use), a full 18 hole mini golf course (which I did), a pool, hot tub, exercise room and sauna, a tennis court, basketball, shuffleboard, table tennis, and a visitors center with pool tables ,a game room, mini-theater, and refreshments. Laundry service is also available on site.

Our unit was basically a two bedroom condo, with full kitchen and balcony. It was very clean and quite spacious. This was an excellent choice to use as home base for our week of exploring the mountains of North Georgia.

PART ONE: CHASING WATERFALLS

We love waterfalls. I think it’s hard not to, once you’ve been to one. Scientifically, the waterfalls change the atmosphere around them, usually causing a slight temperature drop and releasing negative ions in the air which generate an increased flow of oxygen to the brain and bring about all sorts of positive benefits to your mood and overall health. So not only are they beautiful to look at and take in, but they just make you feel good. So once we learned that there were multiple waterfalls within a short driving distance, we made it a goal to see a waterfall a day.

MONDAY-Minnehaha Falls.

The Minnehaha trail is actually quite difficult to find, since it is tucked away in the back of a lake community with few road signs and marginally paved roads. There’s not really much in the way of parking to speak of at the trail head, and though it is clearly marked it could easily be missed if you have your head in a map or are staring at your GPS screen. However hard it may be to find, it is assuredly worth finding.

The trail itself is mostly flat, despite some rocks and tree roots that you will need to work around. The incline is not very steep, making this an easy trail for hikers of all levels. The only issue with this trail, if you can call this an issue, is that the trail is short. The hike should only take about 5-10 minutes. You’re just walking along this pretty little hillside path with a creek running right next to you and then suddenly BAM! there it is.

The falls themselves cascade over what looks like a natural staircase, and there are plenty of large rock slabs that serve as natural viewing platforms. After sitting by the waterfall a while and getting lots pf pictures, we made our way back down. All in all we spent maybe a half an hour at the falls, which is plenty of time to take in the beauty, and check our fist waterfall off our list. It also left plenty of time for swimming in the afternoon.

TUESDAY-Anna Ruby Falls

Anna Ruby Falls was my favorite of the trip. There is a small admittance fee, and a gift shop at the trailhead, so it’s a little more well known than Minnehaha. It can get quite crowded, but getting there within a half hour of opening the crowds weren’t so bad.

The trail is about a half mile in length, up a mountain side which isn’t overly strenuous, but it does get quite steep in the middle. It’s a little bit of a workout, but a fairly short stretch, and the payoff is absolutely worth it. As with many waterfall trails, there are plenty of picturesque views as you climb and the water rushes down beside you.

The Anna Ruby Falls are created by two streams, Curtis Creek and York Creek, joining together to form Smith Creek at the base of the falls which runs into Unicoi Lake later on. So what you see is the two streams running over the cliffs. The left side facing the falls is taller and comes down with a bit more force. The U.S. Forestry Service maintains the falls and has built several viewing platforms. Anna Ruby Falls is beautiful, very enjoyable and still doable in a reasonable amount of time.

We then ventured into the nearby city of Helen which I will discuss next time.

WEDNESDAY-Tallulah Gorge State Park

“Oh, look, here’s a state park where you can walk across a bridge over the river in an actual gorge. That looks beautiful-and sounds fun too. Let’s go!”-Us before we knew better.

To be fair, the scenery is beautiful, and crossing the bridge is kind of cool, in that it’s long enough to be impressive and it is totally stable, though it does swing a little bit to give you a sense of danger. There is an option once you cross the bridge to go down a little further and see the waterfalls from a closer vantage point. The park also allows limited passage to the gorge floor itself for a small fee and in limited numbers. while we were there the passes were not being offered due to high water but it is normally an option for those who may choose it.

Most of the trails we have taken to see waterfalls are either paved or natural terrain, but this trail is made by stairs. Yep. Stairs. You descend into the gorge, cross over the bridge, and then continue down or come back up. Getting down is easy, and fun. Crossing the bridge and getting close to the gorge floor makes for some prime photo ops and a lovely time. But then you have to come back up.

In the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail, King Arthur and his knights encounter the “Bridge of Death Over the Gorge of Eternal Peril”. This is not that bridge-but halfway up, I’d have taken my chances with that one instead of continuing the climb.

There are signs at the beginning of the stairs warning that this trail is strenuous and people with health issues should not attempt this climb. There are two signs to this effect, and a handy guide to how much water you should be taking with you.

I don’t think this is good enough. I think about a quarter of the way down there should be a third sign saying “No, really, we’re serious, this is going to suck coming back up.” Then halfway down another one that reads “Okay, look back up at how far down you are. Think about it. Do you really want to continue? You are not in the shape you think you are. Turn around.” But no.

So we came back up the staircase. Trudged it, really. The official count of stairs to the bridge is 620, and we went on past that. So now we did 620+ back up. Graciously, there are benches and landings provided throughout the staircase at every switchback so you can not die. I mean, rest. And not die. We sat at every single one of them, because this is a brutal climb. That’s what the sign should say-brutal! Not strenuous. Brutal.

Once we started the climb our goal was not to make it to the top of the stairs. That was impossible, our brains and bodies could not fathom actually accomplishing this. We merely set the goal of reaching the next staircase. Even the kids, who are “kid fit” were hating it after a while. They were not on the verge of collapse as were my wife and I, but their legs hurt and they were not having fun. My son announced about halfway up that he hated the outdoors now, and I didn’t argue. Of course, I was no longer able to form sentences so I couldn’t have argued anyway, but in that moment he had a point.

Eventually, through sheer willpower, determination, and the grace of God we made our way back up the gorge. then we collapsed onto some park benches for about a half an hour. We went inside the information center enjoyed and its sweet, sweet air conditioning. We poked around their exhibits for a while that were actually quite interesting and had I been in a less exhausted state I’m sure I’d have remembered what on Earth they were about.

I did pick up a souvenir t-shirt that has a picture of the steps on it. The caption reads “I survived the stairs! It’s worth the climb!” Well. I did survive. The pictures we took are AMAZING. It was worth having the experience. But worth the climb? Ehh…

THURSDAY-Toccoa Falls/Duke’s Creek

After the previous day’s adventure, a nice, short, less challenging walk was needed if we were going to meet our goal. Preferably a relatively quiet one too-my legs were screaming loud enough to drown out everything else anyway. Man, they didn’t stop hurting until Sunday after we were back home.

Sorry. I digress. On our last full day in town we drove out to Toccoa falls, which is on the campus of Toccoa College. It’s quite a nice campus actually, but not really near much of anything, which would be great for academics, but maybe not for the “college experience”. Once again there is a small entrance fee, and you have to go through the college gift store to get to the falls.

The trail is only 100 yards, and the waterfall itself is stunning. It is 186 feet high and quite powerful. What a wonderful retreat for the students-and a lovely spot to visit for the locals too. Interestingly, there is also a monument at the falls to the 39 people who lost their lives when the dam broke at Kelly Barnes Lake in 1977 and flooded the campus with 176 million gallons of water in minutes. The dam has not been rebuilt. The monument is a reminder of the power of nature transposed by the beauty of nature as you stand surrounded by it. This is a really special site.

After lunch, we decided to try one more trail-the Duke’s Creek Falls trail. you can see the falls from a distance early on in the hike. This was another one where you had to walk down to the falls and then back up. We got about a mile into the 2+ mile hike, and realized that the slope of the mountain was not going to play well with our already hurting selves. So we abandoned that one, but got some nice pictures and a few more steps for the Fitbits anyway. That counts, right?

Overall, our Georgia waterfalls experience was quite enjoyable. Previously our waterfall hikes were mostly done in Tennessee, where you tend to hike up to falls, and then down the mountain at the end. While the Blue Ridge mountains may rival the Smokies in beauty, Tennessee edges them out just slightly on the paths themselves. You’re beautiful Georgia, but some of these trails are built backwards!

Alright, that’s enough for this time. Next week I’ll be taking you through the rest of the vacation. Mostly the charming mountain town of Helen, a sampling of the food enjoyed on our trip, and maybe a little bit about the travel days too.

See you next time for more MonDAVEs!

A Basement Full Of Memories

My wife and I are currently in the process of cleaning out our storage room in the basement of the house. The plan is to eventually install an egress window and put in another room down there. That’s all well into the future, though. Right now we are going through boxes trying to figure out how to rearrange everything, and seeing what we want to keep and what we want to get rid of. Turns out, we want to keep most of the stuff we have. Sure, we made a few donations and we have filled up the trash and recycle bins a few times. Yet, most of it has remained.

A lot of my friends are embracing minimalism, I’m more of a maximalist.

I just like my stuff, okay? I enjoy looking having things around that bring back memories, or that I can still enjoy. Be it an old toy, book, picture, album, whatever. Some may look around and see clutter, I see a life. While it is true that we are not defined by our possessions, they do tell a tale. That tale can be relived again and again, and some comfort and, yes, joy can be found just by looking at our stuff.

And we found some really fun stuff.

Remember photo albums? Back before we had a thousand pictures in our pockets we had these books of real, honest to goodness, permanent and tangible photographs that we would flip through. Usually with family, or at the holidays. You would take time to stop, look, and reminisce. It was a thing. Sure, you can store all your photos digitally now, and that may be easier, but it’s not as much fun. Nor is it as special. That’s why we’ve kept them all.

Speaking of photographs, we also found lots of pictures of the kids when they were little. Along with those were some of their art projects and school work. Sweet little objects to remind us of their already fading childhood days. The years of innocence and wonder only last so long, and it’s good to have these things to draw us back into that special time.

We also found a box full of keepsakes from the early days of our relationship, before we were married. Old ticket stubs, some cards and love notes, even old dried and preserved roses from a Valentine’s Day years back. Sentimental, and important to the both of us.

There are other things too. Old Christmas decorations (which I particularly love), some appliances and electronics that may or may not come in handy at some point so we may as well hold on to them, some of the kids old toys and décor from their old rooms, a few old clocks, and wall art. Lots and lots of wall art.

Then there are the personal stuff we each found and held on to. Things we both held on to from high school and college years. I can’t speak for what my wife held on to from her earlier years, as they are personal to her and she can hold her memories how she sees fit. I was excited to go through a lot of my stuff though.

I found a lot of old theater stuff from high school-programs signed by fellow castmates and crew. Pictures from the shows, write ups from the school newspaper (and one from the North County Journal even!), plus some fun old pictures in the remnants of a long ago destroyed photo album I didn’t realize I still had. It all came flooding back and I had a great time.

It is well known that I am a collector of music memorabilia, and I found a good portion of that stuff too. There are some publications like fanzines, music related comic books, a few old wall calendars (I love wall calendars!!), and ticket stubs from my high school days. Most of the stubs from later years have sadly vanished, but there are some good ones still left.

Then there are the old VHS tapes. Many are live shows and documentaries unreleased in the USA, along with some “fan filmed” footage and some long out of print video compilations and concerts. Most of this stuff has never been re-released, at least not in the same configuration. And before you ask, yes I still have a VHS player and an old TV to play them on. There’s some really cool stuff by a number of my favorite artists. I actually got rid of some years ago that I still wish I had. Call it collector’s remorse. Ah well.

I also have like 90% of all the t-shirts I have ever owned. Well, the ones that weren’t blank anyway. Since I am largely a t-shirts and jeans guy, this number is quite staggering. Some have been lost and/or destroyed but I kept most of them because I love t-shirts, and many have memories attached. Most are from concerts I have attended, events I have been a part of, or just an example of pop culture at the time. Once again, they evoke memories and I think they are cool. I am also considering putting them online in a blog or Facebook/Twitter page or something like that. Haven’t decided yet, but if that sounds like something you’d like to see, let me know.

Now, I know there are way too many shirts to wear. I also am aware that some of these could fetch a pretty penny on eBay these days. They could also go to the homeless in a clothing drive. I know. I get that. I’m just not ready to let them go yet.

See, that’s the thing. I’m not ready to let this stuff go. At least not most of it. One day, I’m sure I will. Maybe long after retirement we will need to downsize, by choice or otherwise, and getting rid of it will become a necessity. Maybe we will be in a situation where we need money and I will be forced into selling my collectibles to other crazy obsessives like me. Maybe the time will come when I have a change of heart and just won’t want to have all this stuff in my house anymore. After all, I don’t actually need all of these things to have my memories or the feelings that come with them. But it’s nice to have them anyway.

I am sure that the cynical would claim that there’s a lot of greed and selfishness involved in keeping a lot of these things. Perhaps so. The bigger reason however, is that this is my way of preserving the past. Not living in it, but honoring it and keeping important parts alive in a tangible way. Life moves fast. Every once in a while it’s nice to slow down a little, take the box of the shelf and spend time with your memories. It’s therapeutic, personal, and wonderful.

School’s Out For Summer

You sang the Alice Cooper song when you read that title.

If you didn’t, you are singing it now.

And kids still know that song! Maybe not all kids, but a lot of them do. Even kids who don’t know who or what an Alice Cooper is are familiar with that song. It’s ingrained in the public consciousness.

“School’s Out” is one of the great anthems of our time, because everyone can relate to it. Even the kids who like school love their Summer vacations. From elementary students on up through high school and college, the sentiment rings true. Even for teachers. Maybe especially for teachers!

Working adults feel the same way, too. We remember what it was like to be free of the responsibilities and pressures of school very well, and we have held on to that feeling. That’s why we get so excited for the vacation time we have- be it a holiday, a weekend trip or full on vacation. And we still sing along with “School’s Out” every time we hear it. We may even sing it this time of year with no prompting, just as a natural instinct.

But for most of us, Summers just aren’t the same anymore. As adults we don’t get a few months off from our jobs to do whatever we want. Sure, we enjoy what little time we have, but even most of our “free time” is filled with obligations we don’t always want to do. The care free days of Summer Vacation are all but a memory.

Unless you have kids and are married to a teacher.

Yep. It’s a whole different deal around my house.

As I mentioned in an earlier blog, my wife works incredibly hard at her job. Being an educator is tough work, and can be quite the emotional roller coaster as well. She needs this time to re center, take it easy for a while and to do things that are uniquely her, away from the pressures of being a teacher. Summer vacations are nowhere near a full three months anymore, but they are very much needed for reasons of overall sanity.

The kids, of course, are on Summer Break too. This is an absolute right of Kid-dom, and that is as it should be. As adults we tend to remember the carefree days of Summer, and think about our childhoods overall through a rose tinted lens where we had very little responsibilities and life was pretty sweet. No taxes, no career paths, no family to provide for, no investment portfolios or 401ks, no real worries about the state of the country/world and how it may effect our living situation. Man, kids have it so good!

Well, yes and no. Being a kid is hard. Every day you are learning facts, figures, and skills that you will be expected to draw from for the rest of your life. You are trying to figure out who you are, and how that affects your schoolwork and your social situation. You learn who your friends are, and more importantly, who they aren’t. And as you get older you begin to try to figure out the opposite sex (or the same sex), you start to understand how the world outside your door affects your own life, and oh yeah, try to have a good idea of what you want to do with that life by the time you hit eighteen. Which brings to mind another Alice Cooper song, but let’s leave that alone for now.

So don’t hear what I’m not saying. I think the people in my family deserve the break they are getting. I don’t begrudge them one bit, and I’m happy if they can enjoy it.

However (there’s always a however) it can be a little difficult on yours truly.

One way things get all turned around is through scheduling. As the Summer goes on, bedtimes get later and later, and my end of day alone time starts to get shorter. The schedules for the kids’ activities change too, and that gives us a whole new routine to learn for about 6-8 weeks, which we then have to unlearn and go back to what we were doing and I get all confused and grumpy.

There always seems to be a lot to do in Summer, and little time to do it in. There are some things we just want to do, like Amusement Parks, the Zoo and other local attractions, family hikes and cookouts, swimming, special events, and we wind up not being able to do all of them. Then I feel like I failed at Summer. Why is that? Just because Summer only lasts three months doesn’t mean that all the time has to be filled up, but I can’t help feeling like it should be. I wind up feeling guilty for sitting and relaxing too much, or for not sitting and relaxing enough.

I think that it’s because a part of me wants my Summer Vacations back. I mean, we are going on a week long vacation this Summer (in your face COVID!), and even though I work most Saturdays I do get Mondays off with the kids. I am grateful for the time I do have, but it kinda sucks that Summers aren’t what they used to be.

I still love Summer, it’s my favorite season. I love the sunshine, the long, hot days (even the really humid ones), late Summer sunsets, sudden 20 minute rain showers, outdoor concerts, and pretty much everything that makes Summer what it is. I just want it to last a little longer and to have more time to enjoy it. That’s just not how it works these days.

So anyway, the rest of the house is in vacation mode and I am not. I’m a little…well, jealous and envious both feel like the wrong words to use here, the feeling is not that extreme. I just feel sort of left out. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older. Maybe it’s because I know that the Summers with my kids in the house are numbered. Maybe it’s because there’s a big part of me that never grew up. Maybe it’s all of those things.

Well, the fact of the matter is that school is out, and Summer is upon us. Though I’m feeling a bit sentimental, introspective, and melancholy about it right now, it is still my favorite. And I will still enjoy it to the full. I mean, I’m not going to go full on Clark Griswold or anything, but I hope to have a great Summer.

And I hope you do too.

Something Funny Happened To My Sense Of Humor

Remember last week, how I ranted about the quality of comedy, and basically I insisted that both creators and audience should demand quality from their entertainment?

Okay, well, that still stands. With an asterisk.

You see, I am a father of young kids. well, they are pre-teens now, but still on the youngish side. Therefore, I have tried to be careful about what I watch, listen to and say in front of the kids. While they are getting old enough to see and hear more stuff, I still tend to air on the side of caution more often than not. Although I am always honest (though age appropriate) while explaining a reference or joke they don’t get (usually to a reaction of “eww!”), I try to limit their exposure to anything too adult while in the house.

Anyway, as a result of all this I have found my sense of humor changing just a touch. I will still laugh at jokes that are deemed inappropriate and/or in poor taste, sure, but I make those jokes a little less frequently. At least out loud. I have also picked up a new medium of comedy that I previously avoided like the plague.

You know those jokes that are clever, yet intentionally bad, usually involving horrible puns and nonsensical situations? In my stand up days we called them “groaners”, because the audience would groan when you told them. Back then they were particularly lame, and mostly avoided. Nowadays, they are called “Dad jokes”. They are still lame, but not so much avoided as celebrated in a weird way that simultaneously approves and disapproves of their very existence.

I didn’t want to start telling Dad jokes. Nobody plans to lame out that way, but you become a father and it just sort of happens to you. Not necessarily right away, of course, but over time pretty much all fathers become affected to one degree or another. One day your child says “Dad, I’m thirsty ” and you reply with “Hi Thirsty, I’m Dad” and then that’s it. You’re there. There’s nothing you can do about it, so you just accept your role as a Dad joke teller and go with it.

So in honor of the Dad joke, and as a tribute to those who tell them, here are some of my favorites. You’re welcome.

“I’ve memorized 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.”

“A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.”

“Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.”

“What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag’s a big plus!”

“I’m thinking of getting a new job. Working in a mirror factory is something I could see myself doing.”

“What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? Irrelephant.”

“I was going to tell a time travel joke, but you guys didn’t like it.”

“What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “BREATHE!!!”

“What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!”

“Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.”

“Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.”

“What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrot?”

“I would say nothing rhymes with orange, but it doesn’t.”

“What did one chicken say to the other chicken? I don’t know, I don’t speak chicken.” (I actually wrote that one. WOOT!)

And finally…

“I’ll never forget what my Grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket. “Grandson”, he said, “watch how far I can kick this bucket!”

I know, I know…but you read them all, didn’t you?