Remember last week, how I ranted about the quality of comedy, and basically I insisted that both creators and audience should demand quality from their entertainment?
Okay, well, that still stands. With an asterisk.
You see, I am a father of young kids. well, they are pre-teens now, but still on the youngish side. Therefore, I have tried to be careful about what I watch, listen to and say in front of the kids. While they are getting old enough to see and hear more stuff, I still tend to air on the side of caution more often than not. Although I am always honest (though age appropriate) while explaining a reference or joke they don’t get (usually to a reaction of “eww!”), I try to limit their exposure to anything too adult while in the house.
Anyway, as a result of all this I have found my sense of humor changing just a touch. I will still laugh at jokes that are deemed inappropriate and/or in poor taste, sure, but I make those jokes a little less frequently. At least out loud. I have also picked up a new medium of comedy that I previously avoided like the plague.
You know those jokes that are clever, yet intentionally bad, usually involving horrible puns and nonsensical situations? In my stand up days we called them “groaners”, because the audience would groan when you told them. Back then they were particularly lame, and mostly avoided. Nowadays, they are called “Dad jokes”. They are still lame, but not so much avoided as celebrated in a weird way that simultaneously approves and disapproves of their very existence.
I didn’t want to start telling Dad jokes. Nobody plans to lame out that way, but you become a father and it just sort of happens to you. Not necessarily right away, of course, but over time pretty much all fathers become affected to one degree or another. One day your child says “Dad, I’m thirsty ” and you reply with “Hi Thirsty, I’m Dad” and then that’s it. You’re there. There’s nothing you can do about it, so you just accept your role as a Dad joke teller and go with it.
So in honor of the Dad joke, and as a tribute to those who tell them, here are some of my favorites. You’re welcome.
“I’ve memorized 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.”
“A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.”
“Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.”
“What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag’s a big plus!”
“I’m thinking of getting a new job. Working in a mirror factory is something I could see myself doing.”
“What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? Irrelephant.”
“I was going to tell a time travel joke, but you guys didn’t like it.”
“What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “BREATHE!!!”
“What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!”
“Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.”
“Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.”
“What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrot?”
“I would say nothing rhymes with orange, but it doesn’t.”
“What did one chicken say to the other chicken? I don’t know, I don’t speak chicken.” (I actually wrote that one. WOOT!)
“I’ll never forget what my Grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket. “Grandson”, he said, “watch how far I can kick this bucket!”
I know, I know…but you read them all, didn’t you?