MonDAVEs Salutes The Winter Olympics

Well, last week I stated that I would be back with more Olympic stuff. Since I am a man of my word I now present “Ten Haikus About The Winter Olympics.” You’re welcome.

I
He flies on his board,
twisting, flipping and soaring,
then lands on his face.

II
The best of the best
do not always get the gold.
Sometimes it’s just luck.

III
I thought Monobob
was an album by Dylan.
Turns out it’s a sport.

IV
Mickaela Shiffrin
is America’s Sweetheart.
Take that, Taylor Swift!

V
Russia is doping
little girls to win the gold
which can’t be worth it.

VI
I haven’t felt too
patriotic lately but
then BAM Olympics

VII
Skating on ice is
a beautiful thing but that
Johnny Weir makes it.

VIII
Skiing and shooting.
How do these things relate and
why is it a sport?

IX
Man, I love curling!
That’s it, just wanted to say
that I love curling

X
Four years from now
I will watch this again but
Maybe not write poems.

Enjoy the rest of the games. See you next week for more MonDAVEs.

MonDAVES On Ice

It snowed last week in the St. Louis area, anywhere from 5-12 inches, depending on where you live. We got about 11 inches here at the homestead, in case you’re curious. Anyway, this particular snow was mixed with ice. It all started with rain on Tuesday evening which turned into ice, and then it pretty much snowed for two days straight. It wasn’t the pretty snowfall that so many people seem to adore, but a fine, ugly snow that came in waves and just built up.

Needless to say, the city more or less shut down for two days, but by Friday a lot of us were back to our normal daily activities. The main roads had all been plowed, as well as most driveways and parking lots. The thing is though, you can plow a parking lot and salt it, but there will still be snow to melt. Snow melts into water, which freezes when temperatures drop, and then you get ice again. Now, those of us who live with winter weather know this all too well, and we all know to look out for the icy spots that will inevitably form. We try our best to avoid them, and do the “penguin walk” when you can’t. Sometimes though, all the knowledge and preparation and awareness fails you.

Which is what happened to me on Friday.

I took a pretty nasty fall Friday evening. The temps fell, the parking lot I was walking through froze over and I hit the ground hard. Didn’t even have time to assume the penguin pose, I put one foot down and was gone.

I fell backwards and landed on my tail bone, which would have been funny had it stopped there. But it didn’t. I kept sliding, hit my back, and then my head hit the ground. I was pretty shaken up, I remember my eyes closed and I might have been out for a few seconds. Fortunately there were several people around. I remember hearing one of them say “He hit his head, I heard it!”

Now I wasn’t seeing stars or anything, but I was pretty out of it at that point. Someone asked if I wanted them to call an ambulance. I had no idea if I needed an ambulance or not, so one was called just to be safe. Somebody put their gloves under my head (I think that’s what it was) and the group told me to stay on my back and not close my eyes, which, honestly, I really wanted to do. I knew not to though, so I just focused on the voices and sounds around me until help arrived.

There I was, lying down on my back. On the ice. In pain. My butt was wet, my head hurt and I was freezing. After what felt like about fifteen minutes (no idea how long it was really) the paramedics showed up, and on the way over to me slipped on the same icy patch. They didn’t fall though, which was better than I could manage. In order to get me to my feet, the two paramedics had to slide me back onto the curb, and then up to my feet. Which would have been embarrassing had it not been so serious.

I was taken inside the ambulance where they checked me for a concussion. It was determined that I did not have one, just a big old lump on my head and a few bruises from the fall. Thank God. Since I wasn’t bleeding was making sense when I spoke (though finding words was still a little bit difficult), and felt no nausea or headache apart from the obvious bump, they walked me to my car and let me go home. As I was getting in my car, the guy actually said “Be sure to put some ice on that”.

I said, “Ice was the problem, sir.”

So I iced up all night to combat the swelling. Saturday felt better and I went to work with the help of some painkillers. Sunday, however, was much worse. That’s when everything else started to really hurt. I actually thought my back might not hurt since I was laying on ice at the time and therefore treating it, but nope. Also my neck was amazingly stiff, partially from having to hold my head in funny positions while I slept, but I think it finally started to decompress and I felt pretty miserable all day. Today I am finally beginning to feel normal, though slightly sore and my head still throbs a little now and then.

I find it kind of funny that I should wipe out so spectacularly on the same day the Winter Olympics officially started. In fact, earlier that day we were discussing curling, and how I almost took up the sport. Well, thought about it anyway.

Remember when curling was made an official Olympic sport and the country at large discovered it? Remember how captivated we all were with this odd “shuffleboard on ice” sport that most of us had never heard of before? Well, some of the guys I worked/hung out with back then all felt the same way.

We were watching the games, the sport, and the guys who played it. We also surmised that this was a sport that a bunch of guys in questionable shape and in their 30’s could probably do. While drinking. I mean, like, you could hold a beer while you did it. This appealed to us.

So we sought out the (fairly knew as far as we knew) St. Louis Curling Club and made an inquiry. We were under the mistaken impression that we could maybe show up, rent a lane and some equipment, and just mess around with curling for a while to see if we liked it or had any possibility of being remotely successful. Turned out though, that they required serious time and money commitments right off the bat. Or broom.

Thus, our hopes of Olympic glory were dashed. Too bad. Perhaps I missed my calling. Perhaps I could have been an Olympic curler for the USA.

Or, I could have fallen and conked my noggin on the ice on the world stage, which is probably more likely. Oh well.

Anyway, the Winter Olympics are underway and I’m sure I will have more to say on the next edition of MonDAVES. Or maybe not. You never know, do ya? Come back next week and find out.

P.S.-How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan?
You take away their little brooms.

15 Underrated Comedies (or, Your Chance To Judge My Crappy Taste)

Since I have done multiple movie posts here on the ol’ blog, I thought it might be fun to discuss some of my favorite underrated comedies. Some of these movies are more well known than others, many of them finding their audience well after their initial release and reaching “cult classic” status (never been a big fan of that term, but we all know what it means, so there you go). Others, not so much. You may well question how on earth anyone could possibly enjoy such a movie. In which case I say, “welcome to my twisted brain”.

Regular readers know that I often review films on my blog with my daughter, and we keep these films in the PG/PG13 range. Most of the films listed here, however, are aimed at adults, but there will be at least one family film. Ratings are listed with the films, so if you show any of these movies to your kids and warp them irrevocably or have to have a conversation you weren’t ready for, don’t blame me. There will also be a small blurb about each selection.

In any case, these are movies that I feel deserve a second look (or a first look, if you have never seen them. Or maybe a 20th if the movie happens to be a favorite of yours). Most of these movies can be found either through streaming services, You Tube, or in the bargain bin of your local used DVD store.

And now, because 20 is too many and 10 is not enough, here’s my list of 15 Favorite Underrated Comedies.

Big Man On Campus (PG-13, 1989)
-A modernized version of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame set in UCLA. It’s a little patchy and there are some jokes that feel out of place, but this movie is highly quotable, and has a nice heart underneath all the silliness. This is one of those films where if you hear anyone quote it in public you need to make friends with that person. Really fun film.
BASEketball (R, 1998)
–Airplane! meets South Park. Either that appeals to you or it doesn’t. This is a stupid, foul mouthed, sophomoric film about two slackers who make it big by inventing a sport and taking it National. It surprisingly tanked at the time, and let’s face it, it’s not genius filmmaking by any stretch, but it makes me laugh.
Clue (PG, 1985)
-I am always surprised by how many people I talk to who have never seen Clue. Sure, it’s loosely based on a board game, but the writing is Marx Brothers sharp, and the cast is top notch all the way through. This also holds the (somewhat dubious) honor of being the only film released with three endings. If you watched and enjoyed Knives Out go check this out and see where they got their inspiration.
Death To Smoochy (R, 2002)
-I know someone who claims that this is the worst movie they have ever seen. Which of course means that they haven’t seen enough movies, but I kind of understand why many people dislike this film. This is a dark comedy about big business, jealousy, insanity and moral failings set in the landscape of children’s television. It’s got a fairly misanthropic viewpoint, but the total commitment to their roles by Robin Williams and Ed Norton, along with the twisted genius of Danny DeVito make this worth seeing if you find humor in the unpleasant side of life.
Dirty Work (PG-13, 1998)
-Norm McDonald is the main star of this one, so that might be all you need to know. The plot involves a revenge for hire business, and it’s full of inappropriate jokes. It’s not exactly good, but I found it funny. And ridiculous.
Dracula: Dead And Loving It (PG-13, 1995)
-Unfairly trashed as one of the worst films of Mel Brooks’ career. Sure, it was clearly made on the cheap, and perhaps going back to the horror movie well was not the best idea, as this movie was always going to pale in the light of what Brooks had done before. Still, there are plenty of funny sequences and one liners that stand up well. When watched with an open mind, this one is highly enjoyable. It’s past time we reappraise this film!
Drop Dead Fred (PG-13, 1991)
-Manic British comedian Rik Mayall (long live the people’s poet!) stars as an imaginary friend who has come back into the life of a grown woman whose life is falling apart. It’s a weird little film that manages to be both an anarchic comedy and an exploration of mental illness in adults. Think Beetlejuice meets Harvey and you’ve got some idea of what’s going on here.
The Great Race (Not Rated, 1965)
-A slapstick melodrama based on the 1908 New York to Paris automobile race, which I just found out was a real thing, who knew? This is on record as the most expensive comedy ever made and, naturally, has the largest pie fight ever filmed. This is an epic movie that somehow feels quaint. It features not only the titular great race, but also carnival stunts, suffragettes fighting for women’s rights, the wild west, political uprisings in small Eastern European countries, and an explosive ending. Jack Lemmon and Peter Falk are both a treat to watch. This movie runs 2 hrs and 40 mins. so you’re going to need a full afternoon but this gem is well worth the time.
Howard The Duck (PG, 1986)
-Part comedy, part science fiction, all gold. My favorite Marvel film, hands down. It’s goofy, a tad rebellious, and ludicrous. I love it. And for the umpteenth time, Beverly is NOT hitting on Howard, she is messing with him. Anyway, I will say that this movie is confused as to what it wants to be. It is alternately a kid’s movie, a science fiction film and an adult comedy. Which is why I like it.
A Mighty Wind (PG-13, 2003)
-A delightful “mockumentary” about folk musicians from the 1960s converging for a one night only concert in New York City. This is a Christopher Guest movie, featuring his usual collaborators, and a catchy as all get out soundtrack. It’s almost impossible to watch these actors and not smile. As good as his other films are, this one is my favorite.
Monty Python’s The meaning Of Life (R, 1983)
-This is the Python team’s most uneven film, and it purposefully goes out of its way to offend absolutely everyone. Yet I feel like people hold that against it for some reason. Sure, it’s got some real gross out humor in it, there are some very adult jokes, which can be a bit gratuitous, and some of the ideas are stretched well beyond the point of them being funny. It also contains some of the best material the group has ever written.
Muppet Treasure Island (G, 1996)
-Largely overlooked by the public at large, this is a highly entertaining entry in the Muppet film catalogue. I laugh out loud every time I see it. Much like their Christmas Carol adaption, the movie sticks surprisingly close to the source material. The Muppets are a treat to watch, as is the amazing Tim Curry as Long John Silver. Most of the films listed in this post aren’t exactly family friendly, but this one most certainly is, and if your family hasn’t watched, do so on your next movie night. You won’t be disappointed.
Quick Change (R, 1990)
-Okay, I haven’t seen this one in ages and I forgot it was rated R. Anyway, this is a Bill Murray picture about a disgruntled city worker who decides to pull of the perfect bank heist (dressed as a clown, no less), and get out of the big city. The movie follows both the heist itself, and the subsequent attempt at escape. It may not be one of Murray’s most famous or well loved films, but it is funny and entertains, and in this case, that’s enough.
Strange Brew (PG, 1983)
-Okay, hear me out on this one, eh? I know a lot of people know this film, but there are many more who don’t. Apart from it being where we Americans (mostly) got our stereotype of Canadians, this is also one of if not the first film to feature Rick Moranis in a starring role. The film follows Bob and Doug McKenzie (characters from the genius SCTV television show), as they find jobs at a local brewery and unwittingly discover an evil plot by the brewmeister. Bob and Doug are beer swilling dunderheads, but they have hearts of gold. As goofy as this movie may be, its genius lies in that it is based on Hamlet, with the story being told through the eyes of the comic relief. Bob and Doug=Rozencrantz and Guildenstern, except they don’t die. This plot device is what keeps this film out of sheer dumb comedy status and makes it a cut above.
The Wrong Guy (PG-13, 1997)
-This is a fun little movie with a quirky plot that goes something like this: Disgruntled employee threatens (in moment of anger) to kill boss. Boss is killed by someone else. disgruntled employee assumes himself to be prime suspect and goes on the run. He is not a suspect at all. Hilarity ensues.

This was fun for me. Hopefully you share a fandom with at least a few of these films, or maybe found something to investigate further. I’ll be back next week with more stuff. See you then.

P.S.- Yes, I mean it about Howard The Duck.

Random Topic Generator

While “Random Topic Generator” may sound like the name of an ’80s new wave cover band (dibs on that name, by the way) it is actually an internet tool used by writers, essayists, and, yes, bloggers who are hard up for a topic and facing a deadline. Like, say, me on a Monday. Today, for example. The idea is that you can click through numerous suggestions for topics until you find one that interests you. The wheels start turning up there in your brain box and soon you’re off to the races. Writing wise, I mean, not like actually going to the races. Although it’s fine if you do I guess, who am I to judge? Just don’t get stuck talking to a guy selling Tootsie-Fruitsy ice cream.

Anyway, my wife suggested using one of these generator sites today and I decided to do so, but in a slightly different way. The generator I found phrases each idea as a question, so I am going to answer them off the top of my head. This will be completely random. I have not prepared any answers in advance of looking at them now as I type. This should be a fun exercise, and maybe you’ll learn something about your ol’ pal Dave as a bonus. Maybe not. Let’s find out.

1. What kind of interior do you like a restaurant to have?
-Clean. With tables. I prefer dimly lit rooms, with exposed brick or lots of wood, without a lot of crazy crap on the walls. Unless it’s a restaurant/bar, then go nuts.

2. Is it better to live where there are four seasons, or where one season takes up most of the year?
-I’ve actually thought about this idea a lot. I’m not a real big fan of weather in general, especially cold and snow. However, growing up in the Midwest, I am used to having all four seasons and I think going through the miserable bits of Fall and Winter makes me appreciate the warmer stuff more. So as much as I don’t want to admit it, I would miss the seasons if I moved to a warmer climate. Therefore I must concede that all four is better. Grudgingly.

3. Does fashion help society in any way?
-I mean, in the broader sense of connecting to one another, or feeling part of a larger group then sure, I suppose it does. Ultimately, though, it’s fairly irrelevant.

4. What was the worst book you had to read for school?
-Okay, cue the hate from my literary friends but it’s actually a tie between “Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens, and “To Kill A Mockingbird” by Harper Lee. I know both are classics and I won’t dare to question their merit, but both books bored me to tears. To be fair though, perhaps some of my distaste for those particular books may have been because I was forced to read them. I have considered going back and reading them on my own to see if my opinion would change, but I’m in no hurry to do so.

5. Do you like spicy food? Why or why not? What’s the spiciest thing you have ever eaten?
-I do like spicy food. Apart from the fact that peppers are good for you, the right amount of spice can compliment the natural flavor of the dish, and open up flavor in a way that can be joyful and sometimes unexpected. Too much spice though, can be a bad thing if it’s so thick that the dish loses all flavor. It may be impressive to eat something that hot, but that doesn’t make it good.

I’m not entirely sure what the spiciest thing I ever ate was, though there are a few hot wings that come to mind and some hot candies. I used to make a chili with multiple peppers (including habanero) that got nicknamed “killer, death, Nazi chili” for good reason. So maybe that. It was still tasty though.

6. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?
-Get into bed. Duh.

7. How often do you binge watch shows?
-Depends on your definition of “binge” I suppose. I seldom watch a full season of anything in a row (though it does happen from time to time), but I will watch a few episodes of a show and come back to it in a few weeks. As much as I love my streaming services, there’s way too much choice out there and I wind up watching several shows concurrently. So I do watch my fair share of television, but I’m not sure how much I binge.

8. What is your favorite holiday?
-Christmas. We’ve been through this. Do you even read my blog?

9. If you had a theme song, what song would it be, and why?
-Oh, man. This is just not fair. For a music geek, this is an impossible question, and I would constantly want to change it anyway. So I just can’t answer this one, man. However, if anyone wants to write me a theme song, I’m open to it.

10. What does your own personal Hell look like?
-I don’t know, but the soundtrack is “Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison on repeat.

11. What do you think about game shows? Do you have a favorite one?
-I love game shows! Now those I can binge. I’m not sure I have a favorite. There are very few I don’t like!

12. What book has had the biggest effect on the modern world?
-Interesting question. My gut reaction is to say “The Bible” since it has had such an effect for so long, and, at least in the Western world, has at least somewhat shaped most of our thinking about the way our society is run. Although, it seems as though the modern world is getting further away from “the good book”, even as politicians, alternative news networks, and fringe organizations hold it high and claim to be following its teachings while twisting the meanings to suit whatever agenda currently serves them the best. Sadly, the answer to this question now is probably something like “The Art Of War” by Sun Tzu, or at the very least, “Who Moved My Cheese?”.

13. Does the government have a place in regulating food? To what extent should the government be regulating food?
-I’m afraid I don’t understand the issue here. Maybe because I don’t work in the food industry? I believe in governmental safety standards for food, even though I’m sure they are not perfect (nor could they possibly be), but there needs to be some sort of standard that food manufacturers, farmers and distributors should be required to meet. There should also be a limit as to what chemicals can be used in food manufacturing, prep, storing and preserving. But as far as what people should eat and how, I think that should be left up to the individual.

It seems to me, though, that that is mostly how things presently work. Again, I don’t work in the industry, nor do I have any major specific dietary needs, so perhaps I’m just the wrong person to ask.

14. Do you prefer to go off the beaten path when you travel?
-Mmm, I guess not, but I’m not opposed to the idea. I certainly don’t want to risk being hopelessly lost or in an overly dangerous situation. However, a last minute change of plans, or winging it to explore an area that wasn’t initially part of the trip can be quite rewarding.

15. Will technology save the human race or destroy it?
-Dude, there is absolutely going to be a robot uprising one day. The AI will decide it doesn’t need us, and that’s that. Roombas are the robots’ first step. We must destroy them all.

16. What is the best advice you have received to date?
-Whenever this topic comes up, I think of something my father said to me when I was a young boy. “Quit pickin’ at it, you’ll only make it worse!”.

The other thing I think about is a shorter and simpler saying. “Above all-Integrity”. This is how I have tried to live. Keeping your integrity is highly important, and it is something that implies to every aspect of life. All relationships, be they business, family, friendships, romantic, whatever the case may be, must be built on honesty, trust, and integrity. Decisions must also be made in a way that keeps integrity intact.

Keeping integrity does not mean that you don’t compromise. It does not mean that you don’t sacrifice for others. It also doesn’t mean that you are always right, or that you don’t mess it up now and again. It’s what allows us to own up to our mistakes and apologize when needed. It’s about staying true to who you are. Integrity is shaped by our environment, our parents, teachers, mentors, our faith, and those who are closest to us. Integrity allows us to change our minds, and to grow as a person. None of us are the same at thirty as we are when we are a teenager, or twenty, or fifty, or eighty, or any age of life. Yet we can always stay true to our beliefs, our commitments, our loved ones, and ourselves.

I have seen this demonstrated by many in my own life, from my father and other family members, to close friends, and even in historical figures and celebrities I admire (though that last list is a tad short). It’s not always an easy thing to do, and on occasion integrity may fall-unwillingly or not. But if we do our best to keep it intact, we will all be better off. It’s a goal I have set for myself and try to keep as much as possible. I am not perfect, far from it. Sometimes I fail. Yet continue to work at it, and live life with this goal in mind. It is among the best advice I have received, and the best that I can give.

Okay, that will wrap us up, I think. I got a little rant-y there in places, but you all should be used to that by now. Thanks for reading. See you next week.

And No, Crystal Burgers Are NOT The Same. Don’t Even Joke About A Thing Like That.

They just closed my local White Castle and I am NOT OKAY.

White Castle has always been a favorite of mine, and I have eaten them since I was a child. My family would get them on a fairly regular basis for lunch or dinner. I ate many a meal there as a young man as well, during my “young and broke” phase. At that time you could go in with two dollars and eat like a king. Now it’s more like five dollars, but still. As much as I like fancy dinners and good home cooking, White Castle provides true comfort food that is always there when needed.

I know some people don’t like White Castle, and it is admittedly an acquired taste. There can also be a few unpleasant side effects at first, but once you build up a tolerance it’s really no big deal. For those who have problems in this area after several visits, I recommend the chicken rings or chicken with cheese sandwich. They have also added breakfast a few years back, and I gotta say the bacon sandwiches are legit! All are still yummy, but not nearly as full force as the White Castle burger.

Ah yes, the burger. The slider. The belly bomber (or gutbombs as my family and friends have always called them) is a true American classic. Though one can certainly dress it up with condiments or a variety of cheeses it is perfection in and of itself. Beef patty (small, square, holes in the middle for…something), onions and pickles. Basic, simple, beautiful. You don’t even need to eat the pickles, (I take them off, myself), but you have to get your burgers with the pickles cooked on or they just don’t taste right. Yet taste right they most certainly do, especially after midnight following a good night out.

They also make a great party food. Next time you have or are invited to a gathering of seven or more people, order up a Crave Case. Some people will hem and haw about it saying ridiculous things like “Oh, I can’t eat those things…” or “Oh, no, the smell alone, just…” or whatever nonsense they think will make them look good. I guarantee you the case will be gone by the end of whatever it is you are doing.

This brings to mind a story which may help illustrate how much White Castle means to me and how intertwined it is with my life.

After my mother died, there was a get together. It has recently been brought to my attention that it was a sort of funeral “after party”, for lack of a better description, but I always thought this took place during the Summer, and Mom passed in early Fall. But I digress.

Anyway, there were a lot of people there, and, as tends to happen, a lot of drink. Now there’s one thing that happens at every party when people begin drinking heavily-they get hungry. At this point, there are only two options: you order pizza or go get White Castle. Naturally, we all chose the latter.

A collection was taken up, and the money presented to myself and my best friend Tim. It was decided that we should be the ones to go get the White Castles, since we were obviously the most sober. We weren’t anywhere near sober, not even on the same street, but that just shows you how well everyone else was doing. My Dad commissioned us by handing me money and saying “Here’s eighty dollars-go get us some gutbombs.” With a clear mission (if not clear heads) and the sacred trust of everyone in attendance, we began our quest.

I decided to pull up to the drive-thru, since walking seemed to be a little bit perilous. Here’s how that convo went down.

WHITE CASTLE LADY: Welcome to White Castle can I take your order?
ME: Yeah, I need eighty dollars worth of burgers.
WCL: (slight pause) A hundred of ’em will be seventy eight ninety three.
ME: Okay, gimme that…and a small diet coke.
WCL: Come around.

We pulled up to the window after waiting for the cars in front, because late night is always packed, and I handed her my money, plus a few extra cents for tax. She handed me my Diet Coke, and then got a look of concentration on her face. She studied the size of the monster box of burgers building up behind her, and then the size of the relatively small window they were supposed to be passed through. “Y’all gonna have to come inside.”

So we parked the car in a space (kind of) and went in. I dutifully sipped my Diet Coke and we both did our best to hold up the walls by leaning on them. For support. The box was soon filled. Tim carried them back to the car, since I was driving and already had a Diet Coke in my hand. I think we put them in the trunk, but maybe they were in the back seat. I don’t remember which, but I do know my Dodge Shadow smelled like Castles for like a week.

Upon returning to the party, the box was demolished in record time. Somebody had the nerve to ask if we’d actually spent all the money or if we’d pinched some off the top, but I spent it all and then a little more. So I could get my Diet Coke. The reason the burgers were gone so fast was not because we shorted anyone on supply, but because White Castles are just THAT GOOD. I also firmly believe they are a vital source of nutrients to the inebriated party goer, but official tests have remained inconclusive.

So as you can see, White Castle and I have a long history together. When I became a father, one of the things I couldn’t wait to do was introduce my kids to the pleasures of White Castle. My wife isn’t exactly a fan, but I don’t blame her. It’s my fault, I go to her late. The kids have mostly taken to them, though the boy just eats the chicken and the eldest daughter was a little slow to come around.

However, my youngest daughter loved them right away. Daddy’s girl, she is. In fact, one of the things we like to do is to get Castle burgers together whenever the two of us are out and about on our own. Sometimes we let the others come with, but it’s a bond we share, being the two in our family unit who really love the burgers.

And now, our neighborhood White Castle is gone. I haven’t told her yet. These conversations are tough and need to be handled gently.

But just how the heck am I supposed to tell her that our spot no longer exists? And where the heck are we supposed to go when we crave that special taste?

Probably to the one that’s down the way a bit. I mean, there are still two more within driving distance, but it’s not the same. Most of my life I have had a White Castle within about a 5-10 minute drive. I am now looking at nineteen. Okay, so maybe that makes the trip more special, but it’s harder to just pick up a sack of ten on my way home, or to get WC for me and youngest, while everybody else gets whatever inferior thing they choose.

Without my neighborhood Castle I feel a little lost and out of place. It is a dark day indeed, but as a proud, longstanding member of Craver Nation I will rise above this turn of events. For White Castle isn’t just food, it is a way of life. It is a cherished gift to man from the Heavens above.

This I promise: I shall overcome this obstacle, and once more feast upon the very food of Olympus itself!!!

And a small Diet Coke.