Another One Of My Big Ideas

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Have you ever wanted to use big, impressive sounding words, but were afraid to do so because you weren’t quite sure you knew their meaning? Well, worry no more friends because I have just the item for you. Coming soon-ish to any bookstore that will carry the darn thing, it’s Dave’s Incredible Inaccurate Dictionary*!

This pocket sized book will give you loads of new words to slip in to presentations, work e-mails, or even casual conversation. Dave’s Incredible Inaccurate Dictionary* is different and, frankly, superior to other dictionaries in that it doesn’t tell you what these words actually mean, but what they ought to mean. Okay, so you still won’t know what these words mean, but then, let’s be honest, most of the people you use them with won’t know what they mean either, so you’ll still come out looking like a smarty-pants in front of your peers and isn’t that all you really want?

The following are some excerpts from this sure to be world changing book.

Abundance: An abandoned musical about baking bread choreographed by Michael Flatley.

Antithesis: A Greek tragedy with several humorous scenes.

Brouhaha: A person, usually male, who has had one too many beers and thinks he’s funny.

Conundrum: The thing that wraps itself around an enigma.

Dubious: That feeling you get when you know that you and your group are the ones currently being spoken about.

Enigma: A thing usually found wrapped in a conundrum.

Gallivant: A medieval knight used in literature of the period to teach children how to behave properly. Usually appeared with a serf named Goofus.

Kumquat: I don’t know, I think it’s some kind of a bird, maybe?

Lollygag: The act of making someone else stop talking by shoving suckers in their mouth.

Metaphor: An inside joke.

Nincompoop: Very expensive laxatives.

Nosegay: Flowers. What, you thought I was going there? Come on man, give me a little credit.

Oxymoron: A dumb guy who’s clothes are really, really clean.

Reiterate: To make something cold, over and over again.

Vernacular: A type of hat popular in the 1930’s.

There now. Don’t you feel smarter already? All these words and many more will be at your disposal when you purchase Dave’s Incredible Inaccurate Dictionary*, coming soon from Brinkcorp Industries**!

*Not a thing.

**Also not a thing.

8 From The 80’s

Last week I got a little nostalgic on you, and since I have no qualms about running an idea into the ground, here are 8 more things I miss about the 80’s.

Mom And Pop Video Stores
Before Blockbuster took over, every neighborhood had at least one or two small family owned video rental places. I can recall about four or five of them in my area of Florissant alone. This was where you found the weird stuff. Most of these stores could only afford a few copies of the big hits, but if you were willing to look around a bit you could always find something to watch. I found many a goofy comedy, trippy science fiction, or grimy little horror movie while roaming the aisles at these stores. Sure, nowadays you have hundreds of titles at your fingertips from your very own couch, and you can discover all kinds of movies and shows, but it’s just not the same as going to the store, staring at the artwork of the box for the VHS, and going home with that unknown treasure in your hands.
Cassette Tapes
Cassette were the first time that most of us were able to truly be in charge of our music. Sure, there had been portable record players for years, and there was the highly problematic 8 track tape that was the forerunner to our tapes, but the cassette represented true freedom. Not only could you buy pre recorded tapes, but you could make your own mix for the first time. Actually some 8 tracks did this too, but the track skips were not conducive to continuous listening. The cassette was smaller, much more portable, and could be played on a variety of systems-from Walkman headsets to boom boxes, car radios (it’s got a tape player!), and home audio systems. These tapes were inexpensive and often re-recordable. Also what better way to show your crush how you felt than with a mixtape that had a cover personally decorated and a mix of songs carefully curated to melt the heart of the recipient? Okay, so the tapes kinda sounded like crap, but it’s all we had. CDs and digital downloads arguably have better sound, but not the magic of the good ol’ tape.
Character Glasses
Everybody had them in their house. You would get them from McDonalds, Burger King, Arby’s, pretty much every fast food joint had some limited edition glasses to offer. When I say glasses, I mean actual drinking glasses with characters ranging from Looney Tunes to the McDonaldland gang, E.T., B.C., and Charlie Brown to name but a few. I still have some of these and still use them because I think they’re fun.
Television Shows With Actual Themes
I know, this wasn’t exclusive to the ’80s, but I think that the ’80s were the golden age of T.V. themes. “Diff’rent Strokes”, “The Facts Of Life”, “Cheers”, “WKRP”, “Growing Pains”, “Family Ties”, the list goes on. Most network shows dropped their opening themes years ago, and we are all the worse for it as a society.
Saturday Morning Cartoons
Never mind that most of ’em stunk. Saturday mornings were the best time to be a kid. Back before cable, kids programming was mostly limited to 7am-11am on Saturdays, with a few programs here and there through syndication on your local UHF stations, and an hour or two on PBS Monday-Friday. But the network cartoons were where it was at. Not only did they have the best characters with new adventures each week, but you also got the scoop on all the latest toys through commercials. Some of the toys were even the stars of the shows! They also used to stick in little educational blurbs once every half an hour where they taught us kids how a bill becomes a law, what a conjunction is, and how to handle things when you were hankerin’ for a hunk of cheese. These days kids have entire channels devoted to them but when I was a kid that simply didn’t exist. Saturday mornings were the one time when kids ruled the airwaves (or at least we thought we did). It was our time, it was sacrosanct, and it was the best!
Music Television
I know, MTV still exists, but they have long forgotten what the M stands for. Apart from actually seeing your favorite musicians in their newest video, MTV showed live concerts, their own documentaries, had call in shows, and an attitude that was irresistible back in the day. Even if you didn’t like the music being showcased at the time, things moved fast enough that something would come along to entertain you in a little bit. Even their ads were awesome. Sure, times change, and they did kind of invent reality television so I can give them a pass on going in that direction to a point. But the fact is that most artists still make music videos, and there’s no reason why MTV can’t make music the focus of their network in different ways. Maybe I’m just too big a music fan to let it go, or maybe I’m just old and grumpy now, but I want my MTV…back.
Rax Restaurants
Remember Rax? Waaaaay better than Arby’s and Lion’s Choice combined. They were slightly more high end in presentation, but still fast food. I remember they kind of lost their way in the later years by trying to expand the menu too much, and they ran some commercials featuring one of the worst spokes-characters of all time in Mr. Delicious (look it up on YouTube to see this wonder for yourself. I actually like it in retrospect but the audience was not there for this type of marketing back then). There may be a few that survived, most chains that go under keep one or two open through franchisees, even if in name only. But I still have the “I’d rather Rax-wouldn’t you?” jingle in my head all these years later. And yes, I would.
Late Night TV
Now that everything is available 24 hours a day, late night TV has lost most of its meaning. Sure, you still get the late night talk shows, but they have largely grown commonplace and mundane. There are some networks with special late night programming, but again, it’s routine now and the shows are usually highly advertised so you’re not really discovering or stumbling into anything new. It’s just not the same at all. With streaming, you can watch any kind of crazy crap you want any time of day, but back in the day late night tv was special.
After Carson and later Letterman, tv became a no man’s land of weirdness. Fringe talk shows often aired during the week, everything from Tom Syder’s “Tomorrow” show to the early days of Jerry Springer, Morton Downey Jr, and yes, even Rush Limbaugh happened well after bedtime for most. But the weekends? Apart from Saturday Night Live you had SCTV (genius show), Uncle Floyd, Fridays, Night Flight, wrestling, British comedy on PBS, Friday Night Videos and any number of horror/science fiction movie shows to satisfy your need to see something a little out of the ordinary. Also, this is St. Louis specific, but on Saturday nights at midnight our local UHF station Channel 11 would show The Three Stooges for two hours straight, with poorly produced local commercials in between. This was before they were packaged with new intros ad trivia, it was just the shorts and everyone I knew watched until they crashed out. If I am awake at home that late on a Saturday night to this day I still want to see some Stooges!

Okay, that’s enough of my reminiscing. This was fun though. I hope this brought back some good memories for you too. Back next week!

A Sentimental Journey. Or journal. Something Like That. I Don’t Know, It’s Past My Bedtime.

I heard a Steely Dan song come on the radio earlier today, and it got me thinking. You know the one I’m thinking of, even if you don’t know you know it. You should be able to sing along, even just reading the lyrics to the chorus. Ready? Here we go…

“Are you wheeling in the yeeeast? Stowin’ away the Tiiiiide? Are you gathering up the cheeeese?Have you had enough in miiiind?” -One of the best songs about shopping ever, right?

Okay, those aren’t the right lyrics, but that does sound like what they are singing.

The real lyrics are as follows: “Are you reelin’ in the years? Stowin’ away the time? Are you gatherin’ up the tears? Have you had enough of mine?”

As I listened to this chorus today I was pretty much bound to answer “Yes. Yes, Mr. Dan. I am”. I know there’s nobody named Dan in the group, but I just thought it was funny.

Surprisingly, this is not a post about Steely Dan. It’s about how I’ve been feeling lately, which is why I answered in the affirmative to that song. Lately I have been feeling all kinds of sentimental and nostalgic.

Recently we have lost two members of my family. I mentioned cousin Amy before, but this past week we lost my Aunt Sarah. Well, great Aunt technically, I think, but I always called her Aunt. Anyway, Sarah was a special lady. She was an English teacher for years in Arkansas. We used to talk about different books we were reading and authors we liked. She was always one to strike up a conversation with pretty much anyone and be extremely interested in what was going on in your life, and how you felt about whatever topic was being discussed at the time. I think she just liked to see what made people tick. Sarah was a very intelligent woman, also very kind and loving. I remember my wife meeting her for the first time and commenting on how Sarah made her feel like family right away. She and Uncle Eddie were also quite fond of the kids as well.

Needless to say, it very much saddened me to hear she had passed on. It all happened fairly quickly, with her graveside service following only a few days after she died. I didn’t go to the service, and I feel kind of guilty about it. I have gone to many other family funerals (and weddings too, which are the preferable alternative), but I couldn’t make this one. I wish I had, though.

One of the down sides to being part of a large family is that sooner or later, everyone begins to spread out. While I am thankful for the family I have here in town, most of my cousins live far enough away that I don’t really get to see them except for weddings and funerals these days. I try to keep up on social media, but it’s not the same. I’d to see my family and hug my cousins again.

So that’s where my mind has been. I just keep thinking about people and stories and remembering as much as I can, while getting that bittersweet feeling that you only get when thinking about the people and places you miss.

It’s not just family I have been feeling nostalgic about lately, though. I’ve been thinking about my teenage years, and friends I haven’t seen for ages. There are many stories I could tell, and some I never will. I hope to try and reconnect with some of my old friends. Once again, I try to keep up with social media, but it’s not the same.

That’s Middle Age talking. I don’t have what people call the “Middle Age Crazies”, I have the “Middle Age Melancholia”, which is probably better. I sometimes sit and watch compilations of old commercials on YouTube from back in those days, usually before bed. It calms me, and makes me happy, especially when I see a commercial I had completely forgotten about. It’s always fun to see a blast from the past.

Speaking of, last night I found a few videos about the old Jamestown Mall, which had a lot of relevance in my life. Apart from all the time spent in the mall with my mother as a child and my friends as a teen, it was also where I got my first job as a mall janitor. I used to go in about five hours before the mall opened. As a result. I got to see all the ins and outs of the corridors behind the scenes where most people never went. It was a good weekend job for a teenager, with more hours in Summer of course. I started amazingly early but was always done by nine or ten, got a nap in when I went home, and the rest of the day was mine.

Jamestown has been closed for several years now, and they are finally tearing it down. It needs to be done, certainly, but I can’t help but feel a little sad to see a big part of my past go.

That’s how it is though. Places and people both come and go. Our memories live on, as do the feelings attached. While we certainly live in the present and look to the future, I think it’s important that we keep the past alive, at least to a certain extent. As much as I may long for the places and, yes, the products of the past, it is the people I hold most dear. Which is as it should be.

I started out with a Steely Dan song in my head, and now this seems to have turned into a situation where “In My Life” by The Beatles would be a better soundtrack. I’m not typing out the words to that one.

This is the part where I’m supposed to wrap this all up with some sort of grand statement or big idea. Don’t have one. Sorry. Sometimes you get a post that is well thought out and fun. Sometimes you get a rambling journal entry. What will you get next week?

I have no idea. Come back then, and let’s find out together.

MonDAVE on a Friday-y’all know what that means- Another New Marvel Movie Review!

Well, here we go again! Tessa and I have just returned from seeing Marvel’s new movie “Doctor Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness” which will henceforth be referred to as “Dr. Strange 2” since that is way too long a title to keep typing out.

As usual, our scale is from 1 to 5.

I give this film 4.5 out of 5 Daves.
Tessa rates it 4 Y’s. (Y, of course, stands for Yaaaas!)

Tessa, your thoughts.

T: That movie was wild. I feel like I have to go back and watch it again to be able to process everything that happened. Some things were really good and some things were really boring and unnecessary, but I actually thought a lot of the more gory stuff was pretty cool. The CGI was really good, and a lot of the world building they added in was cool too. And you know I love a good Wanda moment, and this movie contained lots of Wanda moments, even if some of her moments are downright concerning (my girl needs to see a therapist).

And now, for the stuff I didn’t like that much. America is amazing and I love her, but they gave her virtually no development or backstory or anything. She deserved way more screen time, and it’s possible she originally had more and those scene got cut, but with the content we got it was hard to root for her when we didn’t know anything about her. It was almost like they didn’t want us to root for her with how little they gave us. And yeah, she’s a side character, but she deserves a more fleshed out story than what she got. She just showed up at the beginning of the movie, and it took very little convincing to get Strange to be on her side, which didn’t make any sense. I get that we as the audience know as much about her as Strange does at the beginning of the movie, but I just wanted to see more. It felt like a missed opportunity, and she’d better show up later so we can learn more about her.

Also, throughout the entire movie I was confused about something or other. The first scene in the entire movie confused me. Bro, I’m still confused. That’s why I say I need to watch it again, because half of it didn’t make any sense. Overall, it’s not as bad as some people say it is, but it isn’t as good as some people say it is. It’s better than just okay, but not amazing, if you know what I mean.

D: I totally get your perspective and I think it’s fair, but I don’t quite agree with your final analysis.

You’re right in that the whole Wanda/Scarlet Witch storyline was very good, Elizabeth Olsen completely owns that role. She’s awesome. Benedict Cumberbatch (best name ever) is also very good in this film. He plays Dr. Strange so effortlessly that it’s easy to forget he’s acting, which is what makes him so good. I liked seeing multiple versions of the same character and the nuances he brought to each. It’s also nice to see a little more humanity creep in behind the very high wall that Strange builds around himself.

As far as the plot being confusing, I think it is a little bit, but purposefully so. I think anything important gets explained fairly well, and what is left open generally is there to add mystery and set up new adventures.

The effects in this movie were incredible too, which one would expect from not only Marvel, but a Sam Raimi directed picture too. As a Raimi fan it was nice for me to see him bring more of his bonkers style to the MCU, especially all the moments that reflected his horror work.

Speaking of, we should let people know that this while this is not a full on horror movie, there are some jump scares, a few tense moments and some scary visuals. I think using the word “gore” is a little strong, but it’s pretty in your face for a PG13 super hero movie. I mean, I thought it was cool, but small children or those who are easily disturbed may want to watch at home with the lights on, or just get a summary from a trusted adult about most of the third act. Again, it’s not super scary (it’s Disney owned after all), but there are a few fantasy/horror moments.

Having said that, I quite enjoyed the thrill ride/roller coaster movie that this turned out to be. It’s got a few flaws, but overall this is a great popcorn flick that helps expand the MCU nicely.

And we both can agree that it kicks “Eternals'” sorry butt.

T: That’s facts.

Thanks for reading everybody. See you soon.

This One Gets A Little Rant-y

I gotta stop getting bad news on Mondays, man. I get all bummed out, and then it gets kinda hard to write one of these light hearted blogs. Okay, sure, I could write over the weekend and just publish on Mondays, but that’s just not the way I do things.

Anyway, I’m feeling a little down this evening. There are some people in my family who I love dearly that are not doing very well. Emergency surgery. Hospice. Non operational. All those words that fill a person with dread the moment you hear them.

Another family member just passed away last week, my cousin Amy. She was five years younger than me. We weren’t exactly close, but I always enjoyed talking to her. She had seen a lot of tragedy in her life, but became a loving mother and wife, and I always thought she was a really good person. So even though I hadn’t actually seen her for years, family is family no matter what and it’s a shame she is gone so soon.

Of course, there’s also the state of the world today. I don’t get political on this blog very often but allow me a moment or two to vent here. The war in Ukraine is still going on, and it is insanely unjust. I am against war in any way, shape, or form, and to watch the genocide that is happening overseas fills me with anger and a profound sadness. When will the world learn?

It’s not any better on the home front either. Basic human rights are under attack, mostly by people who claim to be pro family, and paint themselves as “patriots” while they hide behind the Bible and they hide behind the flag, while passing laws that do nothing but insult both of those things. They operate on fear, greed, and hatred and I’ve just about had it with the lot of ’em. I have seen too many people hurt, too many lives wrecked, and too many otherwise reasonable people duped into following their rhetoric. It’s bad out there, folks, and it ain’t getting better any time soon.

So. What to do? How do I pick myself up and move on? I look for hope, and I try to spread a little good. To be honest, hope is mighty hard to come by these days. Yet it’s there if we look for it.

There are still plenty of people out there fighting the good fight. I donate to causes I believe in. I also give to charities that help the less fortunate (I am the king of rounding up when I buy fast food). I vote. I do my best to support the oppressed (hey, that rhymes!) and take every opportunity I can to listen and to learn. If only those in power would do the same.

That’s part of “spreading good”. I also try to make people happy as much as possible by entertaining. Not only do I have this blog, which is usually a lot more upbeat than it is today, but I try to keep my social media fairly light, and I have just started a new feature with my brother on his podcast which should be premiering soon. Perhaps these aren’t the most noble examples but if I can make somebody smile, or even give them a momentary distraction from their troubles, then that’s a pretty good thing.

Now. Hope. Where does it come from? Well, for me, I see hope in this generation coming up now, Gen Z. They have a really good handle on things from a humanitarian point of view. I see in them the possibilities of fulfilling the good works we Gen Xers thought we were starting, but got too cynical and hardened to really finish up. I have hope that they may help save the soul of this country. It’s slipping away, but they have the power to grab hold of it and bring about a better future. I hope to God they can do it-and that it’s not too late.

I also have hope in the spiritual. I still believe in a gracious, loving God who loves us all. I hold on to my faith. I’m not always good at living it out, but I try. I also think that if all of us believers, no matter what denomination or faith, focused more on the love and less on the dogma, maybe some of that peace we’re all looking for might just start to manifest.

There’s still more hope though. I see hope whenever someone holds open a door for a stranger loaded up with bags. I see hope when people laugh together. I see hope in hugs from old friends and family. I hear hope in music of all types-even the sad or angry stuff. There’s hope in the rainbow after the storm, and in the sunshine that follows.

So yeah, there’s a lot of darkness out there right now. Things pretty much suck. But still, if we hold on hope, find a little light, and spread it around as best we can, well, then we might just make it through all right.

Thanks for indulging me with whatever that was. I’ll be back with more of the usual soon. Happy day to all you mothers and please come back for more MonDAVEs.