Another One Of My Big Ideas

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Have you ever wanted to use big, impressive sounding words, but were afraid to do so because you weren’t quite sure you knew their meaning? Well, worry no more friends because I have just the item for you. Coming soon-ish to any bookstore that will carry the darn thing, it’s Dave’s Incredible Inaccurate Dictionary*!

This pocket sized book will give you loads of new words to slip in to presentations, work e-mails, or even casual conversation. Dave’s Incredible Inaccurate Dictionary* is different and, frankly, superior to other dictionaries in that it doesn’t tell you what these words actually mean, but what they ought to mean. Okay, so you still won’t know what these words mean, but then, let’s be honest, most of the people you use them with won’t know what they mean either, so you’ll still come out looking like a smarty-pants in front of your peers and isn’t that all you really want?

The following are some excerpts from this sure to be world changing book.

Abundance: An abandoned musical about baking bread choreographed by Michael Flatley.

Antithesis: A Greek tragedy with several humorous scenes.

Brouhaha: A person, usually male, who has had one too many beers and thinks he’s funny.

Conundrum: The thing that wraps itself around an enigma.

Dubious: That feeling you get when you know that you and your group are the ones currently being spoken about.

Enigma: A thing usually found wrapped in a conundrum.

Gallivant: A medieval knight used in literature of the period to teach children how to behave properly. Usually appeared with a serf named Goofus.

Kumquat: I don’t know, I think it’s some kind of a bird, maybe?

Lollygag: The act of making someone else stop talking by shoving suckers in their mouth.

Metaphor: An inside joke.

Nincompoop: Very expensive laxatives.

Nosegay: Flowers. What, you thought I was going there? Come on man, give me a little credit.

Oxymoron: A dumb guy who’s clothes are really, really clean.

Reiterate: To make something cold, over and over again.

Vernacular: A type of hat popular in the 1930’s.

There now. Don’t you feel smarter already? All these words and many more will be at your disposal when you purchase Dave’s Incredible Inaccurate Dictionary*, coming soon from Brinkcorp Industries**!

*Not a thing.

**Also not a thing.

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