Colander List?

We are now firmly into Winter, and many of us are not only looking forward to warmer months on the horizon, but also to the possibilities they bring for travel. Some people have no doubt already begun booking hotels and transportation for outings near and far throughout the remainder of the year. I too have begun discussions with my family about what weeks would be good travel options and where we may like to go.

Most people have a handful of places they have been to time and again, and have dream vacations in mind for a “someday”, which may or may not ever come. A quick Google search will certainly bring up multiple blogs featuring “Bucket List Destinations” for both serious travelers and daydreamers alike.

This got me thinking about my travel goals. Not only about the places I’d love to see someday, but also the places I have no desire to go. I mean, there are thousands of destinations all across the world that may be interesting from a historical or architectural perspective, or filled with beauty, art, and fine dining that call to me-and others that just plain don’t. It’s not that they’re bad places to go to necessarily, they just don’t have any pull for yours truly. They represent almost an anti-bucket list. A colander list, if you will.

So let’s dive into that. Wait, can you dive into a colander? There’d be nothing to dive into. Never mind. I’ll start again.

So let’s explore this idea (much better!) of places I don’t wish to visit. Now, I don’t want to be too negative, or to dump on any specific location. I’m not out to insult the good people of the world, nor poop on the parade of anyone who does want to visit these destinations. Besides, me typing out a specific list would virtually guarantee that I’d wind up visiting at least a few of them just because I called them out because that’s how karma works. Instead of listing individual locations, I’m going to list the types of places I’d care not to go, and give a few examples just to prove the point. Got that? Me neither, but let’s roll.

-The Frozen Tundra
  Okay, I’m not talking about Lambeau Field here (although I could take or leave it, honestly) but destinations known for cold and snow. You don’t have to know me for more than one winter season to know that I can’t stand to be cold, not even for a few minutes. This automatically rules out places like Antarctica, all of Norway, and Greenland. Actually Greenland would be out anyway just because it’s named like a beautiful, lush, green paradise but is full of ice and snow. Conversely, Iceland is green and pretty. I’m not going to either one, just on principal.
  Look, I know a lot of people enjoy destinations like these. Some people love downhill skiing, or cross country skiing. People enjoy taking trips to see the Northern Lights, or snow capped mountains and frozen lakes. Admittedly, there is some beautiful scenery out there in the colder climates. It’s just the cold part I don’t like. Hey, I try not to go out of my own house in the Winter months, much less on a trip.
  Now, having said all this, I would consider a trip to some of the Northern states in the US, like Minnesota, North Dakota, what have you. I’ve even been to Alaska and Victoria, Canada. Well, I visited in Summer, which is when I’d go up north in the USA. As far as the countries where cold is your thing 24/7- I love y’all, and much respect to you, but I’m not coming to see you anytime soon.

-Volcano Land
  I am seriously afraid of volcanoes. Particularly active ones, but inactive ones too. What if they wake back up?
  My fear of volcanoes began in grade school. During the volcano unit in Science class, we read up on the eruption of Mount St. Helens. One of the books we had access to began with a scientist who was studying the volcanic activity, and recorded his last words as he spoke them over the radio to, um, whoever he was broadcasting to. Some university or something. Anyway, reading a guy’s last words (without knowing it in advance) really got to me as a child and kinda messed me up. So yeah, I’m afraid of a volcanic eruption happening. It seems like a horrible death.
  I know someone who climbed a volcano once. It wrecked her shoes. I have mad respect for this person, and in many ways, and I have been inspired by her, but I’m not going up Death Mountain. Some stories are best heard and not lived.
  So I guess what I’m trying to say here is that Hawaii is out. So is Yellowstone National Park, because it’s basically one big volcano that’s gonna blow one day and wipe out just, like, a lot of stuff. I will not be there when it happens. Pity, it looks awesome otherwise, but I am not taking that chance.

-The Middle East
  Okay, I know that visiting The Holy Land is supposed to be a moving experience, and that there is much beauty to be seen. I know there are some interesting and lovely people throughout the many countries, and that immersing myself in another culture would make me not only a more experienced person, but also perhaps more empathetic.
  But, I mean, there’s been war waging over there since forever, and I am a pacifist after all. I am also a coward. Self preservation keeps me far away from these shores. By the way, please don’t read any of this as a political statement. The reasons for conflict in the Middle East are many. They are varied and complex. I would never make light of anything happening over there- I just don’t like war. Any war. Nor do I want to be caught in the middle of one.
  Also, there’s lots of sand. Which brings me to…

-Anywhere With Too Much Sand
  Sand sucks. I hate sand. I am not a beach person, and it’s roughly 90% due to my dislike of sand. So beaches are out, unless there’s a full fledged city I can explore with the beach in the background for scenery. That’d be okay. But like, small resort towns are out. Along with a good chunk of Arizona I suppose. New Mexico. Mexico. Parts of Texas. There’s a lot, now that I think of it.
  Also, the Sahara desert is out. ‘Cause it’s a desert. I know I said I hated cold a little earlier, but just because I like warm weather doesn’t mean I’d like to melt to death.

-Creepy Crawly Country
  Mostly Australia. They have lots of snakes, and what can only be described as big-ass spiders the size of your head. Nope. No thank you. I’ve met some Aussies in my day and they have all been really cool people. Australia seems like an amazing country to visit. I just need y’all to fumigate it before I come over is all. Thanks.
  Ooh, and let’s not forget the Amazon Rain Forest. There are as yet undiscovered species of critters waiting to kill me there, along with all the animals that we know of which also want to kill me. Besides the creatures, going to the Rainforest and coming out alive just seems like a lot. I mean, I’m mostly basing this information on movies I saw on cable back in the 80’s and 90’s, but I think the premise is sound.

-Las Vegas
  I’m sure it’s fine, and I’d have fun. It’s just that I don’t gamble, and being diabetic I try not to go to buffets since I would surely overindulge. From what I hear, the buffets are legendary, and that’s too much temptation for this guy.
  Having said that, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that I may travel there for the right musician’s residency, or a festival of some kind. So Vegas isn’t totally out I guess, but it’s not real high on the list, even if Travis Kelce did make an impassioned endorsement at the Super Bowl.

Well, that’s a general idea of the type of travel destination that I would tend to avoid. Fortunately for me, there are literally thousands of places to explore in this great big world of ours, so there’ll be plenty of trips to be had and memories to be made.

Happy travels, and I’ll see you next time.