Okay, so, McDonald’s, right? I have issues. Things have changed man, and I don’t mean the food.

McDonald’s used to be a lot different. It used to be fun, bright, and colorful. Along with the 1970s brown decor were splashes of red and yellow to brighten up the place. The color scheme changes slightly on the 80s but was still identifiably and unmistakably McDonalds.

Kids were rewarded with trips to McD’s for good grades, academic or athletic achievement, or even just good behavior. Every kid loved going to McDonald’s and getting their happy meal with the free toy inside, no matter how crappy the toy may be. We loved collecting those, and also begging our parents for an extra buck or so in order to get the collectible Garfield or Peanuts glasses.

Their advertising was great too. Like the restaurant itself, the ads were big and happy, bright and beautiful. Sometimes they told a nice story. Remember the one with the senior citizen going back to work? Or how about the commercial with the little girl’s recital? Heartwarming stuff to be sure.

There were more campaigns you’re sure to remember as well. “You Deserve A Break Today” was a big one. Remember which sandwich kept the “hot side hot and the cool side cool”? Sure you do. The McDLT. Remember when they started staying open for late nights and the Mac Tonight campaign had us all singing along?

Then, of course, there were the McDonald Land characters. Ronald McDonald took us to a fantasy world full of Fry Guys, little puppet McNuggets, Mayor McCheese and the Hamburglar, and, um, whatever it is that Grimace is supposed to be (someone once said a taste bud, but I have no idea how correct that is), and more. Some have called a few of these creations creepy in retrospect, but as young children, most of us loved the characters and their silly adventures as much as we loved going to the restaurant itself.

But that’s all changed now. Somewhere along the line, the vibrant colors all went away and were replaced with drab, boring shades of tan and beige. McDonald’s decor has gone from tesembling an excited child with a joyful future to that of a depressed middle-aged man who’s given up on the even the most remote possibility of fun. Which, of course, mirrors the fates of its core audience, but still. Next time you go inside, take a look around you and notice how drab and awful your surroundings have become.

The ads are just bad now, too. Dull, uninspired, and boring, it’s a shame what the once brilliant McDonald’s ad campaigns have become. They have officially “Ba dap ba ba bad” their way into irrelevance. I’m supposed to be loving this? I think not.

The last straw has to be this whole “Grimace Shake” fiasco. Problem one is the fact that nobody can seem to agree on what the purple concoction actually tastes like. Problem two is, although they brought our beloved Grimace back, they changes him into a three year old boy…er…thing, instead of the ageless, Dim-witted, but good hearted lump we all knew and loved.

Okay, so I was actually excited at first that they brought Grimace back. “If this takes off,” I thought to myself, “we might actually see the McDonald Land characters come back, and Mickey D’s become a happy place again. They a re actually fixing it!” My celebration, however, would be short-lived.

What happened next was not McDonalds’ fault, but instead that of the social media menace known as Tic Toc. Or was it Twitter? Doesn’t matter. Anyway, the “Grimace Shake Trend” started when some little punk with no respect posted a video wherein people who drank the Shake immediately died. Funny in an anarchic way I suppose, but then it became a “thing” and just about everybody with a cell phone started doing it too, all trying to outdo one another by making each video feature more “gore” in the guise of purple shake being strung everywhere.

So, as a result, the promotion has basically been ruined, and unless the McDonald’s people are willing to let their characters be perverted like that, the characters have virtually no chance of coming back. Thanks for wrecking it, Tic Toc, or Twitter, or whatever. Now instead if a bright, happy Mcfuture we have to go back to a drab, boring, no future, which may make for a great Sex Pistols song, but sucks for a Hamburger joint.

Look, McDonald’s is in no danger of folding anytime soon, I know. It’s still fast, convenient food that is tasty, and will satisfy when you want it too. It’s just that it used to be an almost magical thing and I feel like it could be again. But we are a long way off, and we’ve got a long way to go.

Thanks for indulging this rant. Let’s all grab a quarter pounder, or maybe some nuggets and fries, and meet up here next time for another edition of MonDaves.