Pursuing Equality Through Movies and Rock And Roll

I was going to title this piece “Girl Power Weekend”, but that seems a little bit trite and flippant (if not condescending) and the intention is anything but. So bear with me while I discuss this weekends events and try not to sound like a total cloth head.

Saturday evening my wife and I went to a retirement party for a friend of hers. They taught in the same school for years and have been friends socially for just about as long. While I haven’t actually seen either of them teach, I know that they both put in hours of work both in and out of the classroom and give their all for their students. The retirement is definitely well deserved and we were happy to be a part of her celebration.

During dinner, there was much talk of the newly released “Barbie” movie. Any doubts I had as to whether or not I wanted to see the film in theaters were quickly put to rest, since everyone there were discussing the themes of the movie and what it had to say. Since it’s being sold primarily as a comedy this intrigued me. so a quick google search indicated that we could stay at the party a respectable amount of time and still catch the late show, so we did.

Okay, so I’m going to try to discuss this movie without spoilers, but I can’t promise I’ll succeed. If you haven’t seen the movie yet and want to avoid such things, feel free to skip ahead to Sunday, where I’ll tell you all about a cool concert I attended. No hard feelings if you do. See you there!

Much has already been written about “Barbie” the movie. There has been a large positive reaction from many people, and it is a certified blockbuster. There has also been a sizeable negative reaction. In my opinion, that’s exactly what any piece of art worth the price of admission should do. It means that the creators have hit a nerve, and you can’t do that properly without ruffling a few feathers along the way. So, naturally, I’m on board!

What I’ve noticed is that most of the negative reactions have come from people who have made a career out of negativity and a supposed superior moral stance. There have also been some complaints by some parents. I’ll try to address and/or counter these main complaints as best I can with my own ideas. Let’s start with the parents.

There has been a small but persistent outcry by some that there are some inappropriate jokes/scenes/ideas for children in the movie. Well, duh. It’s a PG-13 rated film. Your kids are not the intended audience. The anger you feel is your own fault for not doing your research before going to see the movie. Go back and watch some classic PG rated movies from the 1980s and see what used to be allowed in movies kids could go and see. Trust me, you’re getting out easy here.

The other argument from some upset mommies and daddies is that Hollywood shouldn’t be making movies for older audiences about a kid’s toy. Well, perhaps. I understand that idea, but the fact is that that’s not what happened. The film makers made a choice to try and elevate the concept of a movie about a doll into an examination of the human condition. Whether they were successful or not is up to personal opinion, of course, but that was the intent. Again, do your research before seeing the movie. Besides, most of the innuendos will sail over the heads of virtually all littles. What you’re angry about here people, is that your kids may actually have questions about what they saw, and you’ll have to (gasp) have a conversation with them about the film, and perhaps the world at large. Which is what a good parent should be doing anyway, but for some reason this scares the crap out of some folks. And we wonder why this country’s in such a mess.

Okay, let’s move on to the (mostly male) pundits who have problems with this movie and have condemned it. Let’s get sane!

Clueless Complaint #1-“Barbie” is anti-male.
Nope. Anti-Patriarchy, perhaps, but not anti-male. Seems like you’d have to be a fairly toxic male yourself to have this take. True, the Kens in the movie are not portrayed as the brightest bunch, but it digs into the reasons why. While Ken doesn’t really function well in Barbieland, his experience in the real world is confusing to him and he misunderstands much. When he brings a surface level understanding of the Patriarchy back to Barbieland, it is revealed that he can’t really survive in that role either. Ken’s story arc is that he must stop letting others define who he is and figure out who he really is inside. Only then can he be happy and successful. So…what’s wrong with that?

Clueless Complaint #2-“Barbie” is woke.
Y’all need to stop using the word “woke” to mean “anything I don’t like, or makes me uncomfortable”. That’s not what the expression means, that’s just the result in your case. “Woke” is also not a synonym of “liberal”. It’s just about being aware of the social problems in society, how they affect other people, and working towards a more fair and equitable world for all citizens. Being willing to help your fellow man or woman, and take steps for the betterment of our country/world shouldn’t just be a liberal idea, but a human one. It’s certainly a Christian idea, wouldn’t you agree? So again I ask, what’s wrong with that?

Clueless Complaint #3-“Barbie” is a feminist film-and that’s bad!
Okay..see.. I just… really? Hang on, let me… (deep breath)… okay.

“Barbie” is certainly a movie with a positive message for women, and if that’s all feminism means to you, then I guess it is. Here’s the deal though, there are lots of nuances here that people aren’t grasping. Barbie goes through her own crisis in this story. She has thoughts of self doubt, self-image issues, and a sense of not knowing where to fit in. Kinda like Ken does. She has to acknowledge her own responsibilities in her lot in life. She must choose to stop letting other people define who she is and figure out who she really is inside. Only then can she be happy and successful. So…what’s wrong with that?

At the end of the day, no one in the movie comes off as all bad. The central message is about finding yourself and being who you are no matter what the world tells you to be. This is not a bad thing. So why are people so upset?

It seems to me that it all boils down to the following ststement: “This movie challenged my ideas, opinions, and (possibly) identity, and I don’t like that. It made me think about things in a way that made me uncomfortable. Therefore, this movie sucks and no one should be allowed to see it.” Sound about right? You know, now that I think of it, this sounds kind of like what the conservative side accuses the liberals of doing all the time, doesn’t it? The “no cancel culture” people are canceling the doll movie. Give me a break.

Look, art, if it’s any good, damn well should make you think. It should make you uncomfortable every once in a while. It should present alternate ideas and force you to come to terms with them. Entertainment is one thing, and it’s all well and good, and there’s a place for entertainment for its own sake. Art, however, is special and, much to pretty much everyone’s surprise, that’s what “Barbie” is.

Is it a perfect movie? Of course not. I can knit-pick it as a film a little bit, in terms of pacing, stylistic choices, and the effectiveness of the humor. Still, I think the ideas and messages included are more important than the delivery here. It’s a fun film with serious undertones. Overall, it’s a winner if viewed with an open mind.

Okay, let’s move on to Sunday and a much less controversial topic. Probably.

I went to see a concert on Sunday by the band Paramore, who I’d never seen live before. In fact, it’s only been the last few years that I’ve become familiar with their music. They’ve been around, I just didn’t pay attention and rather unfairly dismissed them out of hand.

My bad.

I genuinely have enjoyed the band’s last two records, which were a bit of a departure from their core alternative/emo/pop punk/whatever sound. Since I liked these new records so much I went back and investigated the old stuff, and turns out I like it too. I think perhaps I was just into different styles when they were a newer band so they slipped past my radar, and I made the mistake of assuming I knew what they sounded like without actually taking time to investigate. I try not to do that, since past experience usually proves me wrong on my assumptions. Turns out they have always been more diverse than I gave them credit for and write highly enjoyable songs.

I bought tickets to the show based on both my own curiosity about the band and the strength of the entire bill. More on that in a minute. I had no idea how popular Paramore had become over the years! The Enterprise Center in St. Louis was sold out. That’s 22,000 people, most of whom knew and sang along with every word. That’s always a fun and exciting environment for a concert.

And what a concert it was! Paramore’s lead singer. Hayley Williams, is an amazing frontwoman. It’s almost impossible not to watch her. She is highly energetic, pretty much constantly moving, dancing, and leading the crowd in sing-alongs, all while belting out some powerful vocals herself. The band is also full of musicians who make it look easy-and those are usually the best ones. Production wise, they kept it fun and interesting all night with lots of confetti, pyro, and a moving light rig that made for a truly memorable evening.

If that wasn’t enough, the opening act was a band called The Linda Lindas. For those not in the know, The Linda Lindas are an all female pop punk band, made up of young girls between the age of 12 (whaaaaat?) and 18. They are fantastic. The band moves from down tuned slow punk rock groovers to fun, infectious, new wave-ish pop punk. Their songs are about the joys, disappointments, and insecurity of the teenage years, and, um, pet cats. Well, they are teenage girls after all. When they talk to the crowd it’s all semi-awkward, demure teenage girl speak, and then they start playing and blow the roof off the place. They are one of my new favorite bands and I can’t wait to see what their future brings. Well done.

I include this concert review in this topic because there is still, for some unfathomable reason, a bias against women in music, and rock in particular. The thought is that women just don’t rock as hard as men do. They’re not tough enough, they pretty up the songs too much, or they don’t understand the music like men do.

What a crock. Sure, sometimes women have a slightly different perspective on things and approach certain aspects of the music in ways men might not instinctively do, but that’s what makes it interesting. That’s what makes it good. The music business is no joke, even on a local level, much less the national stage. Anyone who has the guts to step on the stage is tough as nails in my book, no matter what the genre or the gender. Last night’s show was proof positive and case in point.

So the theme of the weekend seemed to have been one of equality between the sexes, although I didn’t know it going in and certainly didn’t plan it that way. It just kinda happened. I was inspired by strong women this weekend, both on the stage and in my life. I saw a movie that made me think about equality and my own role in the process, both as a male and as a human. Never once was my masculinity threatened, nor was sex an issue with the enjoyment of the arts.

I guess we still have a ways to go when it comes to equality. You’d think we’d have this together by now. All we can do is keep working together for a better tomorrow, I suppose. Keep up the good fight, y’all, and I’ll see you next week.

Elvis Has Left The Building

Sad news to share, friends. We’ve lost a furry friend.

Regular readers will remember back at the beginning of the year when I announced that we had adopted a senior dog named Elvis. I told you how he’d been very sick, but nursed back to health and we welcomed him into our home and our hearts.

When he first arrived, he was dealing with food insecurity. We got him through it.

While we weren’t sure of his backstory, it was pretty obvious that Elvis had a hard time of things before coming to live with us. We gave him snuggles, cuddles, and loved him until he felt secure.

He got to where he was a real part of the family. He followed us around the house. he jumped up on the couch when he wanted snuggles. He dug at the mole hills in the back yard to help guard his territory (good boy!). He didn’t like being put in his kennel, but eventually felt secure enough to know we were coming back for him.

I mention the kennel because it was actually necessary to put him in one when we left the house. Elvis was, let’s just say, a rapscallion. If there was a way to get into food while we were gone he would do it. He figured out early on that he could climb on the dining room chair to get onto the table, so if any one of us absent mindedly left food behind it was fair game for Elvis, wrapped and boxed or not. To his credit, he would happily share his ill gotten gains with his new big sister Zoey (our other dog), but Elvis was the main culprit.

If he could get the pantry open he would do that too, so we lost a few boxes of cereal and some crackers. Elvis also enjoyed a snack in the middle of the night, so he’d often go hunting in the wee hours for any food he could get hold of. Once he got hold of some chicken broth and chewed open several boxes. All over the house. While we did work him through his food insecurity, his appetite definitely remained. As a result, for the first time in years we had to buy a baby gate so we could put an end to the midnight munchies and get a little more sleep. It wasn’t his favorite thing in the world, but he accepted defeat graciously.

Don’t get me wrong, Elvis wasn’t always a scamp. He was a very sweet boy. Even if he did jump off of our son’s bed into the window as if he could fly and proceed to break the blinds in the process. Still unsure what that was all about.

Sorry. Got sidetracked. As I was saying, even with all the shenanigans he got up to, Elvis was a very sweet boy. He warmed up to people quickly. He loved getting pets and snuggles, and seemed to enjoy learning to catch pieces of popcorn thrown to him from the couch during movie time. He wasn’t particularly good at it, but he liked the game. Elvis always wanted to be around the family and a part of things, even if it meant just curling up beside the couch or the easy chair in the living room. We opened our hearts to him, and he did the same for us.

Elvis also liked to sleep a lot. In hindsight, that was probably a clue to what was coming, but since he was a senior dog we just figured he was old and tired. One of his favorite spots was under our son Pat’s bed, which the boy was totally cool with, so they hung out together a lot. It made for some cute moments, but a very sad young man at the end.

For as much as we cared for Elvis, and gave him his old man medications he needed, the dog was always a little underweight. No matter what we tried he just wasn’t gaining anything, and he was already underweight when we brought him home. I think he gained some in the first month actually, but couldn’t get any bigger. Elvis was a terrier with a big scruffy, stringy coat, so we didn’t really notice how skinny he was until he got his Summer haircut. It looked like he’d lost a whole other dog! We bought more food and started feeding him extra meals in hopes that that would do the trick. It turned out not to be the case.

Just a week or so after we realized his weight problem we had to call the vet. Elvis was dry heaving constantly and making all kinds of horrible noises. We were afraid that he had something stuck in his intestines or maybe his throat. Our vet told us to go to the ER, because they suspected bloat. I wasn’t sure how an underweight small breed dog could get bloat, but we took him anyway. Actually, my wife took him in since I was at my day job at the time.

The ER vets did an x ray to figure out what was going on with our boy and discovered that he had lung cancer. It was big, spreading, and untreatable. The only thing we could do was to make him as comfortable as possible until the time came to put him down.

This was two weeks ago.

The prescribed medications actually did wonders for the boy. He got back a lot of his energy and was a genuinely happy dog again, curious, loving, and still hungry. He spent two weeks having a great time and living his best life. We knew he didn’t have long, but as long as the medicine was working and we didn’t see much of a decline we decided to keep him on the meds for a few weeks anyway. We had decided that when the meds started to show signs of not working we would do what needed to be done to avoid him going through unnecessary pain.

Well, that was a nice plan, but plans go awry. This past Friday he was happy as could be. Saturday night, he had trouble keeping food down. Overnight he got worse, and by Sunday morning it was clear the end was coming. We had hoped to get him through the day so that we could go to our own vet to put him down instead of the ER. It became clear very quickly that an ER trip was in order, but he passed away before we could make it there.

It’s a sad story to be sure. Especially when you think about it and realize that he’s almost certainly has cancer the whole time we’ve had him, but nobody caught it. The dog came into the shelter with no medical history at all. They cured him of the pneumonia he caught when they took him in, but no one knew about the cancer. He’d had a few ailments but we were all treating the symptoms and not the cause. Unfortunately this happens sometimes, and this is one of those times. It sucks, but it happens.

When we decided to adopt a senior dog, our goal was to give an older dog a good end of life. Often the older dogs go un-adopted in favor of puppies and young dogs. Sometimes they spend years in and out of different no kill shelters, or they meet their end in the city pound. Obviously we can’t help them all, but if we could make one dog happy, we wanted to do that. We just thought we’d have two or three years as opposed to six months.

Still, mission accomplished. We gave hearts to Elvis and gave him a happy end with a family that loved him. That’s my comfort. No regrets.

Rest well, Elvis. You were the cutest. You were the sweetest. You were a good boy. You brought much love and happiness into our home, even if just for a short while. Thank you very much.

And thanks for reading this. I’ll be back next week with what I certainly hope will be a much happier edition of MonDAVEs.

Last picture taken before the decline. We miss you buddy.

You know how when you’re binging a show and you get to that one episode in the season that doesn’t quite stack up to the rest? That’s kinda what this is. Only in blog form.

Sometimes when I think about blog topics I go through three or four topics in my head. I then pick two of the strongest ones and, considering the topics item by item and strength to strength I decide which will be the winner that particular week. Usually this process works.

Today, not so much.

I was going to write about something specific but life, as it does, took a slight detour and I can’t write about that thing yet. Sorry to be so vague, but it may be coming up again soon so no spoilers. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it together to properly think out my back up topic either. Which leaves me with very little to say this week.

So here’s two random thoughts I’ve had recently.

1. If I have a super power, it’s enabling people. If you’d like proof of this, track down my brother and ask him about the guitars in his collection he can blame me for. My wife could probably also have a comment or two about my enablist instincts. Wait, is enablist a word? Well, it is now.

Anyway, I think that “The Enabler” would be a decent super villain name. Or possibly a pro wrestler, but I’m not sure how that would work. Of course, this is a power that can be used for good or evil, depending upon which side you’re on. So maybe an anti-hero? Hmmm.

Somebody get Marvel on the phone. No, scratch that. Get D.C., it seems like more their thing. Either is fine, actually, as long as I get credit for the idea. And a check.

2. Sometimes, when life gets too stressful, I daydream about moving to the country and operating a small goat farm. I could tend the land, look after the goats, and use their milk to make cheese or like, soap maybe. Then I’d sell my wares in farmer’s markets on the weekends, and maybe have a small online store. Then I could live a quiet life away from the hustle and bustle, and perhaps find a more peaceful life.

Okay, so it sounds nice, but I don’t actually know anything about goats. Or farming. Or making soap. Or cheese. Or soap cheese. Goat soap cheese, if you will. So it’s probably best I don’t follow through with it. Stupid reality.

Well, that’s all I have for you this week.. This is what happens here at the the ol’ blog when a plan does not come together. Sorry.

I’ll be back soon with stuff about music, movies, family, dad jokes, and all the stuff you’ve come to expect around here, in future editions of MonDAVEs.

Safe Home

Over the past few weeks, we have been interacting more with our kids’ friends. There have been a few school functions and some birthday get togethers here at the house that have helped us get to know the kids our kids are hanging out with. Our kids are a bit of an eclectic group, and their friends even more so.

All of our children are teenagers now, so we are entering a season of new experiences as parents. Unlike some parents, we haven’t forgotten what the teenage years are like. You see, my wife is a teacher and therefore constantly around young people, and I have resisted adulthood as much as possible. Therefore I think we may be a little more in touch with the teenage experience than some other parents, many of whom seem to get old before their time. This is not a judgement, just an observation that may or my not be all in my head.

Anyway, these kids are all in the beginning stages of figuring out who they are, where they belong, and how they function in the world. We’ve met a lot of people lately, and been able to put faces to names from the stories our kids tell which is nice. We have met pretty much every category of kid you can imagine.

While we have met plenty of your average boy or girl next door types, there have been others too. We have met church kids, and non church kids, with multiple religions being represented (or not). We have met kids who are highly autistic and those who have other special needs. We’ve met popular kids, nerds, and misfits. We have met gay kids. We have met transgender kids. We’ve met kids of different ethnicities.

Here’s the thing though, none of these kids are categories. They are people. Each one is different, special, and in need of the same love and respect as everyone else. This is where we come in.

It’s a big world out there, and there are a lot of angry people in it. Some of these kids we’ve been introduced to will go out into it and be okay. Some won’t. The troubling fact is that many of these people will be targeted and discriminated against because of who they are. Not because of what they do or say, but because they exist in their own identity. Let’s get uncomfortable for a minute.

We all know racial discrimination is on the rise here in America and elsewhere. This is incredibly stupid and dangerous. No one asks to be born any particular color or race, you are as God made you. You are a combination of your parents. Not your fault. Also not your fault that others judge entire races based on stereotypes and incorrect assumptions, or the extreme acts of a few. This should not be allowed in any civilized society and it certainly will not be tolerated in our home.

There is also, somehow, still a bias against people on the autism spectrum. While we as a society have made great leaps in understanding autism and mental health as a whole, there are still those who would belittle others due to their differences. Special needs folks are marginalized, insulted, pushed aside and undervalued by many. Instead of lending a hand and discovering the greatness that lies in every human being, these people are written off or just plain ignored. Not by us.

How about LGBTQIA+ kids? Some of these kids have been aware of their sexuality from an early age. Some are just now beginning to come to grips with it. The same goes for transgender youth. Well, not only youth, but adults too. I know full grown adults who are still wrestling with their own identities well into middle age. I know gay and bisexual adults who have never come out to their parents for fear of how they will react and what it will do to the family unit, not to mention their own social standing. If this is all so difficult for adults, imagine what kids must be going through.

Much is made of the suicide rates among LGBTQIA+ teens. It is estimated that these kids are more than four times more likely to attempt suicide as their peers, and the numbers are higher among youths of color. I hope we can all realize and agree that these young people aren’t thinking of suicide because they are gay/bi/trans/asexual/whatever. It’s because of how stigmatized they are, and the hatred, bigotry, slander, and abuse they are met with on a regular basis-not only from strangers, but from the people who are supposed to protect them in their schools and communities and often, sadly, from the families they love.

Being a teen is hard enough, and a lot of these kids have the potential to live a much harder life than their peers. They don’t need fixing. They don’t need to be shown their place. They need to be treated with respect and shown kindness. They deserve an environment that encourages them to be comfortable with who they are, even if they’re not sure who they are. We have encouraged our kids to be the kind of people who provide that quality to their friends, and have assured them all that we will provide the same in our own house.

We have intentionally built a home of love. Certainly we have house rules, and a strong sense of right and wrong, but everything we do in this home is based upon love. First and foremost, we love in this family.

We are called to “love others as we love ourselves” (Leviticus 19:18). “Faith, Hope and Love: But the greatest of these is love.”-1st Corinthians 13:13.

Did he just drop some bible verses after talking about being supportive of gay and trans kids, and people of other faiths, and those who are different than us? And did it make sense?

Yes and yes.

I don’t get into matters of faith much here on the blog, and I don’t have time to break this all down for you here in this context, but here’s the takeaway. I am a Christian, though not a conservative one. There’s actually a lot of us, most people just don’t know because we’re not as loud as some of our sisters and brothers on the other side. Look, guys, we can bicker and argue amongst ourselves over what the Bible says vs. what it means all day long, but when it comes to how we treat others, there shouldn’t be an argument. Jesus himself said that people “will know you are my disciples if you have love for one another”(John 13:35). That doesn’t mean just us, it means everybody.

Also, stop using the Good Book as a weapon y’all. It’s supposed to heal not harm.

Alright, I’ll get off my high horse. The point is, I will not turn away my kid, or anyone else’s who needs a safe, supportive environment. If one of the friends has had a fight with their parents, or just needs to get away for a little bit and maybe get a snack and a fist bump they are welcome here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not out to judge these kids or their parents. I won’t keep a kid out of their home (unless there is real danger) and I’m not putting anybody up long term. I will make sure their parents know their kid is at a friend’s house and the parents are home. I don’t want to cause any trouble, legal or otherwise.

Still, I have told my children and they are to let their friends know that this is a safe place. Their friends are welcome here. Only one rule: You don’t judge the way I keep house, and I won’t judge the way you live your life. In other words, don’t judge my mess and I won’t judge yours.

You know, maybe if we all started thinking that way and living it out, we might just make this world a better place. Think about it.

Thanks for sticking with me during all that, faithful readers. I’ll come back to the random silliness next time. Until then, have a great week and meet me back here for more MonDAVEs.

Do You Believe?

Conspiracy theories used to be fun. Remember that?

Remember when people would read the articles in rags, er, magazines like The National Enquirer and Weekly World News while standing in line at the supermarket, and laugh about them? Used to be you’d know maybe a few people that read those things regularly, like maybe your Grandma that didn’t get out much, or your weird Uncle Fred, but that would be about it. Maybe you worked with a guy who was all in on one particular theory, but he seemed harmless enough, just a little out there, so you didn’t worry about it.

Now seems like every third or fourth person you meet is spouting some new nonsense like it’s universal, indisputable truth. Not in a fun, silly way either, these people are serious about it all. So serious in fact that they are willing to lose friends and sometimes even family members over their new dark web gospel. It’s insane.

But it wasn’t always thus. I remember a time when you could talk about the conspiracy of the day (aliens among us, Elvis is alive, they saved Kennedy’s brain, what have you) with other people, whether they believed in it or not, and still be friends the next day. You could have a drink and laugh it off if things got heated.

I miss those days. We were being able to chuckle at somebody’s crazy theories and respectfully disagree with no harm done. Now it’s a shouting match and possibly fisticuffs, or worse. What’s a fun loving guy or gal who likes a silly conversation and a bit of a wind-up to do? Can we still have fun with conspiracy theories? Can we find a few that won’t get half the populace all riled up? Can we pause to appreciate the fact that I just used the word “fisticuffs”?

I think there are a few that would still fit the bill. Let’s talk about them here. Some have been around for a while, some are new. I’ll let you decide which side you come down on with each. Just remember, this is all in fun.

William Shakespeare didn’t write all his plays.

This one has been around forever. It’s a fun one because apart from a few literary/theater geeks and maybe Shakespeare’s remaining relatives, nobody’s going to get mad about this one. Besides, everyone involved has been dead for a really long time, so who are you going to offend?

Theory #1 states that many of ol’ Wil’s plays were written, or co-written, by a guy named Frances Bacon. Which of course makes them the ever popular duo of Shake and Bake. This theory is a popular one, so much so that it inspired the name of a food product in the late 20th century. Pretty sure.

Theory #2 is a little more recent. This theory speculates that Shakespeare was even more of a thief than previously imagined. Apparently other playwrights would present Shake with their scripts asking for constructive criticism or approval. Shakespeare would read the plays and invariably tell the ambitious author that the play “sucked hard” which I believe was a popular expression at the time. The other playwright would destroy the play and go back to square one while William would take their idea and rearrange it so he could pass it off as his own.

Either way you go, this is an interesting thought exercise and some good, mostly harmless, literary fun. This is also a good theory to bust out at a party where there are smart people around and you want to look like you belong in the room.
Bigfoot exists.

People are really into this one y’all, and have been as long as I can remember. Bigfoot hunters are no joke. Even some scientists have weighed in on this one. This is a fun theory, because it actually does have a small amount of believability to it. Forests are big, and it isn’t completely out of touch to think that maybe there are some species we haven’t discovered yet. Turning that species into a man-monster hybrid just lends a cool, cheesy sci-fi/horror movie vibe to it that is irresistible to some folks.

While I’m not about to sign on for this one, I am all for the Bigfoot truthers out there keeping on with their search. It gives them something to do with their free time. I just hope they never find him. Not because it wouldn’t be cool, but because then they’d have nothing to do. Then what? They may start turning to more dangerous ideas. Better to keep ’em busy with Bigfoot.

By the way, you can replace the forests with the cosmos and Bigfoot with aliens, and this whole section still works.
The Moon landing was faked.

I love this one.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I really don’t care if the Moon landing was real or not. I just enjoy watching people get so worked up over an idea that is so patently ridiculous. The fun part though, is that the people who get so dramatically upset are the people trying to disprove the theory that the landing was faked. It’s a classic role reversal and it fascinates me.

You can see this in person pretty easily. Next time someone mentions the moon landing (which happens more often than you’d think) just roll your eyes and say “yeah, allegedly” and watch ’em go. That’s what I do. I never make any real arguments, I just kind of shrug and say “ehh, maybe” or “well I mean, we went to the moon eventually…just not that first time” and then I see if I can count how many veins pop out of their forehead. Then they get upset by the fact that I am so nonchalant about the whole thing and that I am not as wound up as they are!

Okay, so it’s probably not very nice to purposefully wind people up like that, but it is funny.
Birds aren’t real.

This is the newest conspiracy theory I’ll be looking at here. It is also by far the weirdest, and possibly my favorite. I stumbled upon this one a few years ago and was just completely enraptured by it. I have no idea if the people behind this are serious or not, but it’s gold either way.

Okay, so the long and short of it is that birds are not what we think they are, hence the idea that they are not real. Well, they used to be real, many years ago. However (there’s always a however) over time the government got involved because of course they did, and replaced all the birds with drones so they could spy on citizens.

Real talk. This is clearly a joke, but it’s a good one. The “birds aren’t real” folks sell merchandise and have literature you can spread around to be in on the joke as well. Thousands of people are.

It was started as a satire of modern conspiracy theories and how nuts it’s all gotten. Yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if there aren’t a handful of people out there spouting off about the “Deep State” and God knows what else, who are falling for this one hook, line, and sinker. Let’s not tell ’em.

All right, everybody, that’s about as far down the rabbit hole I’m willing to go with this topic. Hope you had some fun with this one, and nobody got upset. It’s just me being a little uppity and having a laugh. I’ll be back soon with more stuff.