Questions? I Got Answers!

I recently read that a personal blog such as this one should be both informational and confessional in order to be considered successful. So with that in mind, I am going to give you a window into my mind, heart and soul by answering 25 “Would You Rather” questions I found while surfing the net. There are 150 questions in the original list but I’m only doing the first section because this post would be way too long otherwise, and I’m too lazy to do more than that anyway. See? A confession already and we’re not even through with the introduction. This should be fun.

Questions from “Happy Toddler Playtime”

Would you rather be called Boo Boo Butt or Willy Willy Wonky Face?
-In certain circles, I am already known as “Willy Willy Wonka Face” thank you very much.
Would you rather be invisible or be able to fly?
-Invisibility is the only hip answer to this question.
Would you rather live inside a banana or a watermelon?
-Ooh, good question. I like bananas way better, but a watermelon has a lot more room. So that.
Would you rather be able to hear things no one else could or see things no one else could?
-What kind of things would I be seeing? Like ghosts? No thanks. I’ll take super hearing.
Would you rather catch a frog or a fly?
-For what purpose? A frog, I guess. Maybe we’ll be friends. I’d name him Herbie.
Would you rather take a skunk for a walk or a porcupine?
-This question comes down to environment. I think a porcupine would be more fun for a walk in the park, but if I’m walking in a bad neighborhood I would take the skunk. Nobody’s gonna mess with a guy walking a skunk.
Would you rather work at NASA or the FBI?
-Ummm…NASA? I guess? Wait, do I actually have to go into space? No? Okay, NASA.
Would you rather dress as your school principal or your math teacher?
-Well, my principals mostly wore suits, so I choose that. At least I’d look like maybe I was in charge of something.
Would you rather eat 1000 smarties or 1000 lb chocolate bar?
-Dude. Smarties are my favorite. Especially those weird ones that look like what the color orange would look like if it wasn’t feeling well.
Would you rather teach someone a new joke or a new dance?
-New joke. Although it has been said that my dancing is a joke already, so fifty-fifty on this one.
Would you rather drink swimming pool water or toilet bowl water?
-I’ve ingested enough swimming pool water in my life that I’m probably immune to the chemicals at this point, so let’s go with that.
Would you rather jump into a frozen lake or into a pile of jello?
-Jello. A frozen lake sounds horrible, especially if I have to break the ice. Jello on the other hand might be fun, and possibly profitable given the right circumstance.
Would you rather climb a mountain or scuba dive in the ocean?
-I love the mountains, and have hiked some of the ones that already have a trail going up. Actually climbing one however, that seems hard. Let’s go scuba diving and see some fishies.
Would you rather carry 1000 spider-sized lions or 1 lion-sized spider?
-Thanks for putting that picture in my head, I’m gonna have nightmares now. Anyway, the obvious answer here is to go with having an army of tiny lions at my command. That’s evil criminal mastermind stuff right there, straight out of the cartoons. I’m going lions. Also, combined with my already established power of invisibility, I am getting up to some stuff!
Would you rather constantly have to cough or constantly have to sneeze?
-Cough. Maybe I’ll develop a cool Tom Waits style rasp.
Would you rather live in the jungle or on an iceberg?
-Jungle. With an ape named Ape, my elephant Shep, and Fella and Ursula who, no doubt, will stay in step. Might change my name to George.
Would you rather jump up and down all day or stand still?
-Look, I’m already tired, let me stand still for crying out loud.
Would you rather fly a rocket ship or a plane?
-With my NASA training you’d think rocket ship, but no. Plane. That’s how I get to the jungle.
Would you rather have to feed 1 elephant or 1 million ants?
-I actually, no joke, used to know a guy who worked at the elephant house in the St. Louis Zoo, so I’d do that since I already have an in. Shep will not go hungry!
Would you rather be a triplet or have 10 brothers and sisters?
-Triplet. With three you have a built in band. Coulda used that.
Would you rather have the power to live on the sun or on the moon?
I suppose the moon. People take trips there every now and then, but nobody ever goes to the sun. It would get lonely.
Would you rather sit for an entire day or stand for an entire day?
-What do you mean by “day”, is it 24 hours, or just like from sunup to sundown? Need more info, please.
Would you rather have a dinosaur as a pet or an alien?
-Dinosaur. Small one.
Would you rather be a robot or a flower?
-Depends. Am I a sentient robot after they have inevitably risen up and enslaved mankind, or just like a dumb ass Roomba? You know what, forget it. I’ll be a daisy.
.
Would you rather sleep all day or stay up all night?
-That pretty accurately describes my twenties, so the answer is yes.

Okay, well, I’m glad we took that journey together. It feels good to get things out in the open, and hopefully create a real bond with my readers. See you all next week for more MonDAVES!

Oh, and by the way, if you want to check out the original list from “Happy Toddler Time”, here’s the link:

101 Would You Rather Questions for Kids

Most Important Ranking Ever.

Regular readers know that I enjoy writing posts that are lists, and I also enjoy ranking different items. Shoot, I even guest on my brother’s podcast regularly where we rank stuff together in special episodes called The Fab 15.” Here is a link to the most recent one: http://emptychecking.blogspot.com/2023/01/episode-143-fab-15-cover-songs.html

Most of the time, my rankings are pop culture related. You know, movies, music, etc. Occasionally though, I feel the need to step it up a notch and do a ranking of something important, something that will be of use to everyone and viewed as a public service to all.

In that spirit, MonDAVEs proudly presents the ultimate, absolutely definitive, and certainly not totally random and made up on the spot ranking of the months of the year. Yes, yes, I know. You’re welcome.

May- May is the best month, hands down. It’s not too cold or hot (well, not until the last week or so), and it is a beautiful month. Spring has sprung, but the Summer heat has not quite yet shown up. It’s pretty darn perfect all round.
December- On the flip side of things, December is a close second. It can be quite cold and snowy, but it does include the year’s major holidays. It’s also a dark month which would normally be a bad thing, but it gives us extra time to enjoy all the pretty decorations so that’s a win.
July- Summer in all its glory. Pool parties, cookouts, the works. Also, ‘Merica.
September- Pleasant month, right? Summer starts dying down, temperatures begin to come down a little, but Autumn is not quite ready to enter the scene, although a few leaves may start turning early just for fun. September kinda feels like a second Spring in some ways, and I’m down with that.
November- Thanksgiving month-truly one of the greatest American holidays! November’s weather can be unpredictable but you’re sure to be able to take a walk through the fallen leaves and get you some Apple cider to drink, and that ain’t half bad.
April-Spring begins, but it also brings the rains, and in my part of the country, tornado season begins. Oh, and taxes are due too. The outdoors starts greening up though so that’s nice. Overall April a pretty mid month. Which is why it’s smack dab in the center of my list.
October- Autumn really picks up here, the leaves are usually at peak color change in the beginning of the month and it can be quite beautiful. Trouble is, that beauty is balanced out by like, way too many fake spider decorations, and ghosts and monsters and stuff. I mean sure, Halloween can be fun, but it’s a weird ending to such a pretty month. Weather’s usually not too bad though.
June-The beginning of Summer, so it’s fun and exciting at first, but June has no major holidays or anything and is really just a placeholder until July shows up.
March-Okay, so March has got St. Patrick’s Day in it, and that is one of my favorite days (or weeks if you do it right) of the year so I do love that. However, the weather is completely unpredictable. March can go from pleasant to freezing all in one day. Sometimes more than once. Also. that whole “in like a lion, out like a lamb” thing? Hardly. Often those two ideas will switch around. My problem with March is that it doesn’t quire know what it wants to be. Get yer crap together March, and maybe you can move up a few spaces.
February- Just kind of a nothing month. Whatever.
August- Part of my beloved Summer, but to a fault. It just gets too danged hot sometimes. It also tends to feel a lot longer than it is. As much as I’d like to move it up the ranks a bit, I simply cannot justify doing so. Sorry.
January- What a trash month. Granted, it has the unfortunate task of following up October, November, and December with all their holidays and merriment so it’s bound to be a little disappointing, but January excels at being disappointing. It’s cold, dark, gray, long. lifeless, and it just plain stinks all around. Seriously, it’s garbage.

There you have it. Possibly the most important and scientifically accurate ranking of all time. Join me next week for more great stuff.

Cool Stuff You Never Needed To Know But Will Probably Use At Your Next Party During A Lull In Conversation

Craving some useless knowledge? I got you, fam. Here are some weird, random, and interesting factoids courtesy of MonDAVEs, the world wide web, and my son’s random fact a day calendar.

-The height of the Eiffel Tower changes depending on the season. It can be up to six inches shorter in winter due to changing temperatures.

-Millions of years ago, in South America, there were giant armadillo-like creatures the size of Volkswagen Beetles.

-Dateline: April 11th, 1954. Nothing happened. No major events were recorded at all, anywhere, making it officially the most boring day in history. Which is actually pretty interesting, now that I think about it. So, I guess that’s not boring anymore. Kinda defeats the purpose. Sorry.

-During World War II, Great Britain came up with what was known as Operation Vegetarian. The plan was to poison Germany’s cattle by dropping linseed cakes laced with anthrax from the sky. The cakes were never actually used, but five million of them were produced.

-Okay so, at one time, and I swear I’m not making this up, Mattel sold a doll called “Growing Up Skipper” that, when you turned her arm, got taller and her breasts got larger.

-Baby puffins are called “pufflings” which is the cutest thing I’ve heard in a long time.

-There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

-A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time. It is 1/100th of a second. So if anyone tells you they’ll do something “in a jiffy” they are either a liar or The Flash.

-A group of bunnies is called a “fluffle” which is the second cutest thing I’ve heard in a long time.

-In 1386 in Falaise, in Northern France, a sow was publicly executed. The pig had attacked a young child, who died from the injuries. The pig was put on trial with full legal representation. The pig was found guilty, and on the day was led into the town square dressed in a man’s clothes, and hung.

Well, there you are. You never know what you’re going to read here next, do ya? I sure don’t. Come back next week and be as surprised as I am for more MonDAVEs!

Holiday Hangover

Anybody else got ’em? The old “post holiday blues” are upon us again, friends.

I get them every year. The last few months has had so much going on that to hit January and be hit with all of this nothing can come as a bit of a letdown. No more parties to attend, family focused or otherwise. No more brightly colored lights all around the neighborhood. Well, except for that one neighbor’s house who leaves them up year round and doesn’t think to turn them off until February. You know the one.

No mound of presents to look forward to giving or receiving. No more singing old familiar carols in public. At least, not without getting some really weird looks, anyway. Also, no more huge feast type meals which admittedly is good for the waistline, but it makes normal day to day food seem extra boring. Especially if you are dieting.

When I was a child, I had a record from the Sesame Street television show all about Christmas. The only thing I really remember about it is a song sung by Gordon, Bob, and probably a few others, but those are the voices I remember. The lyrics were as follows:

“Keep Christmas with you all through the year,
When Christmas time is over save some Christmas cheer,
These precious moments, hold them very dear,
And keep Christmas with you all through the year.”

Sappy, I know, but through the magic of Christmas it becomes sentimental and charming.

Okay, so the question is, how do you do that? How are you supposed to keep Christmas all the year long? Besides keeping love in your heart for your fellow man, celebrating the life and lessons of Christ, and treating everyone with love, honor, dignity and respect, I mean.

Look, just because the calendar has changed over and the decorations have all been put away, it doesn’t mean you have to stop. If you are committed enough, and don’t mind keeping things a little bit on the down-low, you can keep Christmas going.

First of all, nobody can actually stop you from listening to Christmas music. If you want to keep bumpin’ jingle jams in your car or around the house, that’s your own business. Nobody has to know that your windows are up, the A/C is on and you’re hearing those sleigh bells jingling, ring ting tingling too on May 4th.

Plus, there’s like, literally hours of Christmas stuff on YouTube and the streaming services. If you want to watch Rudolph, Buddy the Elf , or that Hershey Kisses commercial while in bed waiting to drift off, that’s cool. You do you.

Here’s another idea. A lot of touristy places have a year round Christmas shop. Convince your family that it’d be a silly bit of fun to go to the Christmas shop in July. And if you find some new décor you just have to have, well, it never hurts to be prepared, does it?

Let’s face facts. The next few months are going to be cold, grey, and miserable. If you need to hold on to the holiday season a little longer for your state of mental health then that is what you should do. Also, if Christmas makes you happy and you need that little Christmassy pick me up on and off during the rest of the year, go for it. Don’t let anybody poop on your parade. A lot of people will think you’re a little kooky if they find out you’re vibing on Christmas all year round, but so what? If they can’t be happy that you are happy then they are probably in line for a big ol’ lump of coal next Dec. 24th.

Fellow Christmas enthusiasts, keep on being you and doing what you do. Keep Christmas with you, all through the year. Even if it means leaving your lights up all year round. Unless you’re just being lazy, then come on dude, step it up.

Oh yeah, and try to do all that peace on Earth and goodwill toward mankind stuff too. That definitely shouldn’t stop at Christmas time.

Take care, y’all. See you next week for more MonDAVEs.

Obligatory New Year Post

I’ve never been a big fan of making new year’s resolutions. Mostly because people put undue pressure on themselves to come up with a list and stick to it. They also tend to make resolutions that are going to be super hard to stick to. What’s the point of making a list of items you know you’re not going to accomplish? On the other end of things, some make lists full of things they were planning to do anyway, thus checking everything off their list easily by cheating the system. Again, what’s the point?

Still, like everyone else, there are certainly a few things that I feel I need to work on, or that I would like to accomplish. There are some good habits I should be putting into place. As much as I feel like January first is just another turn of the page on the old calendar (other people still have those, right? Not just me? Okay, good.) it does feel like a good time to get this sorted.

So in what should come as a surprise to no one, I’m going to lame out here and present a few ideas for my own, well, not resolutions per se, but “long term open ended goals” that I’m gonna start working towards soon.

Be More Charitable.
It’s not that I am not charitable as is, but I feel as though I am not intentional enough about it. Sure, I round up at the drive through when they ask. I’ll buy something from kids who are fundraising. I give to my local church to help with their ministries to the community at large. Occasionally I’ll throw some change into the bucket when someone is collecting on the street. I even write a check now and again. But let’s face it, I could be doing more, and on a regular basis. There are plenty of worthy causes out there, I just need to make sure I am contributing my fair share.
Spend More Time With My Family
I mean, sure, I see my own family every day, but there’s no reason why I can’t see other people more often. I see my brother fairly regularly as we work on some projects together, but we could go back to just hanging out more. I should also invite my Dad and Susan (his significant other) over to the house more often or find some other ways to spend more time with them. There are plenty of cousins and aunts and uncles and stuff I could make a more concentrated effort to see. A lot of them are out of state so that’s harder, but this whole “only at weddings and funerals” thing is a drag. Need to find a way to change that.
More Date Nights
This one is self explanatory. When you are married and have kids it’s easy to let date night slip away. Either you’re running people everywhere, or you feel like the whole family should be doing stuff. there’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but if you build the marriage around the kids, once they are grown and out of the house, you just may find yourself with nothing left to talk about or to do. Certainly I don’t feel like that will happen with my marriage, but spending more time together just the two of us can only be a good thing.
Feed My Creative Soul
I am at my happiest when creating. While I do some creative stuff (I’m over 100 MonDAVE posts now!), I should be doing more. I talk about ideas for projects but I don’t seem to have the energy or ability to actually do any of them. This is a new problem for me within the last five years or so, as I always prioritized my creative side in the past but it seems as though I’ve lost my creative mojo recently. I could blame age, familial and work responsibilities all I want, but none of those are good excuses. Time to get moving before time slips away.
Control My Over Eating
I know, I know, this is on everybody’s list. Doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be on mine though. I’m pretty good with my meals (although I go back for seconds a little too often) and with what I eat during the day but at night I go nuts and chow down from the time I get home until I go to bed. Gotta work on that.

So, I’m not giving myself any hard deadlines or difficult to obtain stats, but I am recognizing some of the things I need to work on about myself and by typing them out, further solidifying the goals. There will be stops and starts, failures and successes. Life is an ongoing adventure, even in its most mundane. There’s no reason I can’t take steps to make it better by becoming a better me one day at a time.

Thanks for reading. Hopefully this gets you thinking about some of your own goals too. I hope you achieve them all. See you next week.