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A Few Ideas

I’m on a mission here at MonDAVES to provide loyal readers (you MonDavers know who you are) with fun content that gives you a little break from the work week and the daily insanity that is the world at large.

This is getting increasingly difficult to do.

While I was stuck trying to think of a topic for this edition, my wife handed me a book of writing prompts she bought for the kids to help them in their creative writing classes at school. This particular book, The Amazing Story Generator by Jason Sacher, is essentially a flip book. It allows the reader, or, um, flipper, to combine three different elements (setting, character, and plot) together to generate new story prompts. Most of them come across as pretty wacky, but that’s the fun of it. It should spark the imagination of pretty much any writer, and perhaps help bring a new story, poem, novel, or play into being.

Unfortunately, fiction is not my forte. I’ve tried many times, but I have yet to write much of anything fiction-wise that I would deem suitable for human consumption. However, being the creative type, I was intrigued by the concept. Even though this book may not spawn any stories from me, I did enjoy playing with the combos. I think you may enjoy them too.

So I now present to you the top ten story ideas I got from randomly flipping through The Amazing Story Generator. who knows, maybe one of these ideas will help one of you write something. If so, feel free to share it with me, I’d love to read it!

Let’s start with the first page. The flipbook reads as follows:
“Upon winning the lottery,
a reformed hitman
meets the ghost of Ernest Hemingway.”

Each part of the sentence, as I have typed it here, is flippable, so you can have any character in the book meet Hemmingway’s ghost. Or win the lottery. Or whatever. There are hundreds of combinations to choose from. The following are my favorite ones that I have chosen while flipping through the book. Put on your writing hats, if that’s a thing, ’cause here we go!

-After a monthlong fast, an avid comic book collector joins the mafia.
-In a post apocalyptic world, a clown in training leads the charge against a zombie army.
-After prolonged exposure to radiation, a talking dog has a showdown with a sheriff.
-Vowing not to bathe for an entire year, the illegitimate son of a king forgets to mail an important letter,
-After misreading an e-mail, the drummer for a punk rock band founds a nudist colony.
-Hoping to disprove a long held superstition, a wise garbage collector travels back in time.
-Forced to join the family business, an unsuccessful comedian is initiated into a secret cult.
-Longing for a simpler life, a former child television star develops the ability to fly.
-Having poisoned the soup, an Elvis impersonator receives a message from God.
-Blinded during a freak lightning strike, an apprentice bee keeper inadvertently starts World War Three.

And it goes on from there.

You know, even if you’re not a creative person, it can still be fun to flip through all of these ideas. Maybe order yourself a copy of the book. Maybe write something. Or don’t. I’m not here to pressure you or tell you what to do.

But I will be here again soon with another edition of MonDaves! Assuming I can generate any ideas that is.

Quote Me On This

I’ve been thinking about some of the great quotes and sayings in American culture. These are the one that everyone knows and uses, even to the point of them becoming cliche. Yet we return to them time and time again because they’re so ingrained in our psyche, so useful, so wise, and so…wrong.

Yep. There’s a pretty good chance that many of the nuggets of wisdom that we’ve all been saying for years don’t actually mean what we think they mean. At least, they weren’t intended to. Sometimes this comes from an erroneous translation of early text, or just a simple misquotation. Often, the original phrases have been butchered and whole bits left out, or they have been taken completely out of context. Whether this was done on purpose or not is left for the individual to decide, but as these sayings have been passed down through the years, the mistranslations stuck. Because of course they did.

So let’s look into a few of these popular quotes and collective wisdoms that fall into these categories and see if we can’t find a little of the original truth behind them, and maybe blow some minds as well. Sound fun? Cool. Let’s go.

–“Curiosity killed the cat.”
Sure. However (there’s always a “however”) the original statement was a little longer: “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.” Kinda changes things, huh? Makes you feel better for the kitty-and also maybe not so guilty about exploring your own curiosity, and oh, I don’t know…maybe learning about the world and people around you? Pretty positive change if you ask me.

–“Rome wasn’t built in a day”.
True enough. There’s more though. How about this: “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it burned in one.” this one dates back to a 16th Century French proverb, and puts an interesting spin on things.

–“The early bird catches the worm.”
Okay so, “The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” Take that, you early risers! Kidding, of course. Nothing wrong with being an early bird, but being the first to do something doesn’t always bring you success or make you the best in your field. Especially if you’re a worm. This phrase first appeared in American newspapers in the early 1900s.

–“No rest for the wicked.”
This one is both a mistranslation and a misunderstanding. The original quote is from the Bible, Isaiah 15:21, which says: “There is no peace, saith my God, to the wicked.” Okay, so “rest” and “peace” are similar in meaning, but not interchangeable. The scripture is referring to inner peace and solace, not to a good night’s sleep. While both may be accurate, I have heard many people justify working too hard and losing sleep to their own detriment by using this misquote. Stop it. Take care of yourself physically and mentally. I think God might want that for you.

–“Money is the root of all evil.”
Another biblical misquote. What 1 Timothy 6:10 actually says is: “The love of money is a root of all sorts of evil.” Catch that difference? The Bible doesn’t say you should not have money-ya gotta live, right? It’s just that when your love of money overtakes other things, such as your family and your integrity-it’s a bad, bad thing. This also states that money is not the only cause of evil, but one of many. So, being rich doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, but not being rich doesn’t automatically let you off the hook either. Pretty deep, huh?

–“The customer is always right.”
Here’s a fun one. The original saying is: “The customer is always right in matters of taste.” This has been credited to Harry Gordon Selfridge, circa 1900. The intention here being that if a customer wants to buy the most horrid shirt in the store, the salesperson should not stand in the way. It does not mean that anyone should put up with abusive or inappropriate behavior from a customer because said customer is “right.”
Now, don’t hear what I’m not saying. Customer disputes or complaints should absolutely be handled with kindness, patience, and grace. Preferably, a solution will be found that not only satisfies the customer, but also doesn’t hurt the business. Still, if a customer is pressuring to go against store policy, reasonable action, or the law (which happens more than you’d think), a line does need to be drawn, especially if the customer is a jerk. Be nice everybody.

–“Nice guys finish last.”
This one is a misquote from baseball manager and hall of famer Leo Durocher who, when referring to another team said that they were: “All nice guys. They’ll finish last.” This was simply a prediction, and a little spirited jab at a rival. That’s it, that’s all. It was never intended to claim that you couldn’t be nice and come out on top. Durocher even said as much in later interviews, but the public perception won out over time.

–“Great minds think alike.”
Well, you’re halfway right. The original phrase, as near as I can find, says: “Great minds think alike, though fools seldom differ.” I like this one, because it kind of turns the tables on what is essentially a banal idea disguised as a compliment, or more realistically, self-aggrandizing behavior. Next time some sheep on an ego trip tries to use this saying to ride your coattails, hit ’em with the second half!
Another meaning to be found here is this: just because the masses have the same opinions doesn’t mean they are correct, or well thought out. We live in an era of purposeful misinformation, opinions over facts, and constant manipulation. This full phrase is a warning to stay alert. I think we all need this advice now more than ever, don’t you?

–“There’s a sucker born every minute.”
All right, so this one isn’t misquoted, but it’s misattributed, which normally may not be to important but in this case I think it is. This phrase is normally attributed to P.T. Barnum, but he didn’t say it. It was said about Barnum by one of his competitors as a condemnation of his business tactics. Over time, the saying stuck with ol’ P.T., and has been used in two main ways.
Firstly, this phrase is used by greedy businessmen (boo!) to justify their own despicable, money grubbing behavior. It is also used by the public to describe the unfortunate souls who fall into the traps laid by said businesspeople who get ripped off and don’t see it coming. It is seldom if ever used as a critique of big corporations or greedy millionaires who came by their fortunes in questionable ways. Something’s amiss here, no? Well, perhaps that only proves the point.

–“An eye for an eye.”
Surprise! Here’s another Biblical quote that doesn’t mean what most people think. this one’s actually a twofer since there is a secular version too, but we’ll get to that in a moment.
The understanding of this doctrine is that if someone pokes out your eye, theirs should be poked out too. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. In modern terms, “let the punishment fit the crime.” As the phrase stands in the book of Leviticus, that is correct.
However (there’s another “however”) when one reads Matthew 5:38-44, and even on through verse 48, Jesus paints a different picture. To boil this all down, what Jesus says is that “You have heard it said an eye for an eye, but I say love your enemy.” That’s a paraphrase, I know, and it’s semi-hypocritical in the context of this particular blog post, but this is the meaning of the scripture’s passage.
Now, non-Christians may be confused by the importance of this, but a lot of what Jesus did when he came on the scene was not only explain the law to his followers, but also show them where they got it wrong, and how to correct their own behavior in context of his teachings. I believe that’s what’s going on here.
Just so this doesn’t turn into a sermon by a guy who is not a pastor, there is still that secular version to discuss, which is as follows: “An eye for an eye only makes the world go blind!” Which is pretty perfect, methinks.

–“Winning isn’t everything.”
This is often said as consolation after a failure, setback, or defeat. It is meant to encourage, to praise the effort involved, and help foster the learning and self growth that can come from these situations. All good things, certainly. The trouble is, that’s only taking half of the saying into account. the full saying is: “Winning isn’t everything. It’s the only thing.” Kinda changes it all around, doesn’t it? Many people attribute this quote to Vince Lombardi (who did say it), but college coach Red Saunders was the originator. Either way, ouch guys. You need that intensity on game day I suppose, but it’s not a good theory to live your life by, though many people unfortunately do.

And finally,
–“Jack of all trades, master of none.”
Here’s another incomplete quote. The full quote is as follows: “Jack of all trades, master of none…though often times better than a master of one.” Shout out to all the handymen out there! Look, mastering your trade or profession can be a great thing, and props to anyone who has put in the study and work to do so. However (there’s that word again), it can lead to not only rigid thinking, but a sense of superiority as well. These two things can be a little dangerous. Sometimes you need people to think “out of the box,” be flexible enough to go along with whatever happens and do what’s necessary to get the job done. Believe it or not, experience can often mean more than a degree.

There you are, folks. I hope you found this all as interesting as I do, and that you’ve perhaps learned something, or at the least found a different way to look at the phrases you thought you knew. Keep your minds open. Be nice to each other, and be nice to you.

See you next week, MonDavers!

Here’s A Story That’s Not Mine.

Folks, I’ve been a little overwhelmed here lately, and my carpal tunnel is acting up something awful over the last day or so. I’m not really in a place to write one of these this week.

So I’ve asked daughter Melody to step in. She’s going to wing it. I have no idea what you’re about to read but it will be…something.

Take it away, Mel.

What’s up guys, Melody here. To be honest, it was just a silly little joke when I said I would write the blog for my dad. He was like “I don’t really want to write anything,” and I was like “I’ll write it.” So he wrote an intro for me and let me take the wheel. My commitment to the bit is too strong for me to say no, and I don’t have school tomorrow, so there really isn’t any reason for me to not write a MonDave. Remember to like, subscribe, follow, comment, share, and whatever else you have to do so you never miss a MonDave.

So, as previously stated, I have no plan for this. Will I tell fun little stories that make you miss your childhood glory but simultaneously give you fear for today’s youth? Will I present you with my opinions that you won’t take seriously? Will I ramble on like this for the rest of the blog? Maybe. We’ll just have to see.

Even though I am in Honors English, I’m not that good at writing. This is one of the only times I have ever used the first person perspective. I never use it for fiction. It feels like I’m lying the whole time because I didn’t really do that stuff. Even though I am good at lying, I can only take so much. The point of that was that this blog won’t be very well written. I’m bad at writing, proper placement of commas, interacting with my peers, spelling, and plenty of other things, but let’s not dwell.

I’m also bad at transitions. So here’s one of the things I’ve done in my Honors English class. One time, during one of the first weeks of school when everyone is still doing those get to know you games, my English class was playing one of those games. This game was called magician, which didn’t have anything to do with performing mediocre cards tricks (which sucked because I know a really cool mediocre card trick.) Our teacher would select one person to be the magician, who had the special power of getting people out. Then, once a magician was selected, everyone would get up and make eye contact with each other. If you made eye contact with some random person, you were still in the game. But if you made eye contact with the magician, they would blink at you, and you’d be out. You could guess who the magician was at anytime. If you got it right, you won, and if you got it wrong, you were out. The magician would win if nobody ever guessed correctly that they were the magician. The prize for winning? Candy.

Trust me that it’s a lot simpler than it sounds and I’m just bad at explaining things. We played a couple rounds. I was doing pretty good. I never won, but I also didn’t get out. I don’t normally make eye contact with people while I’m walking so I just kinda stared at the floor the whole time. Eventually, it was time for the last round. And I was selected as the magician. You make think, “Oh that’s so cool you’re like the important person whose important and stuff.” But it was not cool.

Like I said, I’m bad at making eye contact while walking. But the magician is supposed to make eye contact. That’s the thing that makes the entire game work. So, I was a really bad magician, we were two minutes in, and I had only gotten one person out. My teacher kept saying things like “c’mon Magician” and “I would get people out if I was the magician.” All this pressure was really getting to me. No magician before me had succeeded, all of them had been discovered and defeated. The odds were stacked against me. Things looked hopeless. How could I ever win? But despite the odds, I managed to go down in magician history.

I got more and more people out, blinking like mad, taking away their numbers and-

Just kidding, that didn’t happen. I’m not that candy motivated. Here’s what I did instead. I needed an easy way out. And there was only one way you were guaranteed to get out. By guessing the magician wrong. There wasn’t a single rule that said the magician couldn’t guess who the magician was. So I guessed the first person I could think of that wasn’t myself.

The teacher looked at me for a moment, clearly deciding weather or she would let me carry out my slightly stupid plan. Finally, she said, “No… they were not the magician.” And I got to sit down and watch as everyone looked at each other with no one getting. All while the teacher and the one person I managed to get out looking at me.

Eventually, the people who were left to walk and look at each other did figure out something was up. I confessed and everyone was a little mad at me for giving them a slightly awkward experience where they were forced to make everyone’s biggest fear, eye contact. And though I tried, my teacher didn’t give me any candy (Even though I was technically never guessed by anyone. But I did guess wrong on who the magician was, so I suppose those two things cancel each other out. Maybe I would have won if I had guessed myself…)

Anyway, the moral of that story was to always use exploit the system for the funniest outcome possible. It’s past my bedtime and I’m tired, so I’m signing off for the night. Catch ya later MonDavers.

Okay, thanks Melody! Well, there you have it. A few notes from my perspective:

1. I think she’s a little better at writing than she gives herself credit for, don’t you?

2. From here on out, you are all going to be referred to as MonDavers. That’s all there is to it. Get comfortable with your new title, and wear it proudly.

See you next week when I promise to write my own stuff.

P.S-Since Melody wrote this, should it technically be called a MelDave? Eh. Probably not.

Colander List?

We are now firmly into Winter, and many of us are not only looking forward to warmer months on the horizon, but also to the possibilities they bring for travel. Some people have no doubt already begun booking hotels and transportation for outings near and far throughout the remainder of the year. I too have begun discussions with my family about what weeks would be good travel options and where we may like to go.

Most people have a handful of places they have been to time and again, and have dream vacations in mind for a “someday”, which may or may not ever come. A quick Google search will certainly bring up multiple blogs featuring “Bucket List Destinations” for both serious travelers and daydreamers alike.

This got me thinking about my travel goals. Not only about the places I’d love to see someday, but also the places I have no desire to go. I mean, there are thousands of destinations all across the world that may be interesting from a historical or architectural perspective, or filled with beauty, art, and fine dining that call to me-and others that just plain don’t. It’s not that they’re bad places to go to necessarily, they just don’t have any pull for yours truly. They represent almost an anti-bucket list. A colander list, if you will.

So let’s dive into that. Wait, can you dive into a colander? There’d be nothing to dive into. Never mind. I’ll start again.

So let’s explore this idea (much better!) of places I don’t wish to visit. Now, I don’t want to be too negative, or to dump on any specific location. I’m not out to insult the good people of the world, nor poop on the parade of anyone who does want to visit these destinations. Besides, me typing out a specific list would virtually guarantee that I’d wind up visiting at least a few of them just because I called them out because that’s how karma works. Instead of listing individual locations, I’m going to list the types of places I’d care not to go, and give a few examples just to prove the point. Got that? Me neither, but let’s roll.

-The Frozen Tundra
Okay, I’m not talking about Lambeau Field here (although I could take or leave it, honestly) but destinations known for cold and snow. You don’t have to know me for more than one winter season to know that I can’t stand to be cold, not even for a few minutes. This automatically rules out places like Antarctica, all of Norway, and Greenland. Actually Greenland would be out anyway just because it’s named like a beautiful, lush, green paradise but is full of ice and snow. Conversely, Iceland is green and pretty. I’m not going to either one, just on principal.
Look, I know a lot of people enjoy destinations like these. Some people love downhill skiing, or cross country skiing. People enjoy taking trips to see the Northern Lights, or snow capped mountains and frozen lakes. Admittedly, there is some beautiful scenery out there in the colder climates. It’s just the cold part I don’t like. Hey, I try not to go out of my own house in the Winter months, much less on a trip.
Now, having said all this, I would consider a trip to some of the Northern states in the US, like Minnesota, North Dakota, what have you. I’ve even been to Alaska and Victoria, Canada. Well, I visited in Summer, which is when I’d go up north in the USA. As far as the countries where cold is your thing 24/7- I love y’all, and much respect to you, but I’m not coming to see you anytime soon.

-Volcano Land
I am seriously afraid of volcanoes. Particularly active ones, but inactive ones too. What if they wake back up?
My fear of volcanoes began in grade school. During the volcano unit in Science class, we read up on the eruption of Mount St. Helens. One of the books we had access to began with a scientist who was studying the volcanic activity, and recorded his last words as he spoke them over the radio to, um, whoever he was broadcasting to. Some university or something. Anyway, reading a guy’s last words (without knowing it in advance) really got to me as a child and kinda messed me up. So yeah, I’m afraid of a volcanic eruption happening. It seems like a horrible death.
I know someone who climbed a volcano once. It wrecked her shoes. I have mad respect for this person, and in many ways, and I have been inspired by her, but I’m not going up Death Mountain. Some stories are best heard and not lived.
So I guess what I’m trying to say here is that Hawaii is out. So is Yellowstone National Park, because it’s basically one big volcano that’s gonna blow one day and wipe out just, like, a lot of stuff. I will not be there when it happens. Pity, it looks awesome otherwise, but I am not taking that chance.

-The Middle East
Okay, I know that visiting The Holy Land is supposed to be a moving experience, and that there is much beauty to be seen. I know there are some interesting and lovely people throughout the many countries, and that immersing myself in another culture would make me not only a more experienced person, but also perhaps more empathetic.
But, I mean, there’s been war waging over there since forever, and I am a pacifist after all. I am also a coward. Self preservation keeps me far away from these shores. By the way, please don’t read any of this as a political statement. The reasons for conflict in the Middle East are many. They are varied and complex. I would never make light of anything happening over there- I just don’t like war. Any war. Nor do I want to be caught in the middle of one.
Also, there’s lots of sand. Which brings me to…

-Anywhere With Too Much Sand
Sand sucks. I hate sand. I am not a beach person, and it’s roughly 90% due to my dislike of sand. So beaches are out, unless there’s a full fledged city I can explore with the beach in the background for scenery. That’d be okay. But like, small resort towns are out. Along with a good chunk of Arizona I suppose. New Mexico. Mexico. Parts of Texas. There’s a lot, now that I think of it.
Also, the Sahara desert is out. ‘Cause it’s a desert. I know I said I hated cold a little earlier, but just because I like warm weather doesn’t mean I’d like to melt to death.

-Creepy Crawly Country
Mostly Australia. They have lots of snakes, and what can only be described as big-ass spiders the size of your head. Nope. No thank you. I’ve met some Aussies in my day and they have all been really cool people. Australia seems like an amazing country to visit. I just need y’all to fumigate it before I come over is all. Thanks.
Ooh, and let’s not forget the Amazon Rain Forest. There are as yet undiscovered species of critters waiting to kill me there, along with all the animals that we know of which also want to kill me. Besides the creatures, going to the Rainforest and coming out alive just seems like a lot. I mean, I’m mostly basing this information on movies I saw on cable back in the 80’s and 90’s, but I think the premise is sound.

-Las Vegas
I’m sure it’s fine, and I’d have fun. It’s just that I don’t gamble, and being diabetic I try not to go to buffets since I would surely overindulge. From what I hear, the buffets are legendary, and that’s too much temptation for this guy.
Having said that, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that I may travel there for the right musician’s residency, or a festival of some kind. So Vegas isn’t totally out I guess, but it’s not real high on the list, even if Travis Kelce did make an impassioned endorsement at the Super Bowl.

Well, that’s a general idea of the type of travel destination that I would tend to avoid. Fortunately for me, there are literally thousands of places to explore in this great big world of ours, so there’ll be plenty of trips to be had and memories to be made.

Happy travels, and I’ll see you next time.

English Is Lit

As has been discussed on this blog before, I love the English language. It’s weird, unnecessarily complex, and is an ever evolving entity. In short, it’s a mess, and I am a big fan.

I don’t want to get too pedantic here, or discuss college English major type stuff, but as an example of the absolute off the charts weirdness of the language let’s talk about a single word: lit. “Lit” is a verb, and most often used as the past tense of the word “light”. For example, “the room was lit by candlelight.” or, “Jennifer lit her cigarette.” However, it can also be used to mean something is exciting, impressive, or very good, like someone saying that the “party was lit”. Incidentally, the word can also be used in future tense, as in the party “is gonna be lit”, which is a presumptuous statement, but still an interesting evolution. Other uses for the word include as an abbreviation for the word “literature”, and as slang for a drunkard, i.e. “Josh is all lit up again.”

Just the other day, I accidentally referred to something as being “litted” which isn’t a word and was a slip of the tongue, but I kind of like the word and may start using anyway. “Litted” is a word that is the past tense of a word that is in the past tense. You just have to use it correctly. I would not say, for example, “The party’s going to be lit!” Instead I would say something more along the lines of “This party is going to have been litted!” I believe that is a future-past past participle, but maybe we shouldn’t get too hung up on it.

Anyway, English is super weird. Here are some more weird facts about the English language for you to enjoy.

-The alphabet was not written in alphabetical order. In fact the last letter added was “J.”
-There are no states featuring the letter “Q.”
-The shortest word in the English language is “I.”
-William Shakespeare added 1,700 words to the English language in his lifetime. So far I only have “litted.”
-There are more people in the world who have learned English as a second language than there are native English speakers. In fact, more people in China speak English than in the U.S.
-The shortest grammatically correct (non fragment) sentence in the English language is “Go.” It has the implied subject of “you”, and is what is known as an “imperative sentence.” There are those that would argue that “Go” is cheating since the subject is implied, and would claim the shortest sentence as “I am.” I would claim that these people are no fun.
-The word meaning “the day after tomorrow” is “overmorrow” which is a lovely word that no one ever uses.
-English is not the official language of the United States. We don’t have one. So there’s still hope for all those Trekkies who learned Klingon, I suppose.
-The little dot above the lowercase “i” and “j” is called a “tittle.” Which means that the word “title” includes a “tittle” and that makes me happy for some reason.
-The word “goodbye” comes from an Old English phrase meaning “God be with you”.

I think that’s a good place to stop. See you next time for another enlightening (enlittening?) edition of MonDAVEs.

Hey, wait, I made up the word MonDAVEs too. HA! That’s two words! Take that Shakespeare! I’m coming for your record…