An Open Letter

Dear Sandwich Makers of America,

First of all, let me thank you all for what you do. Designing and making quality sandwiches is a noble endeavor. From the local delicatessen to the neighborhood cafés, restaurants, diners and high class eateries of the country, your quest to fill our palates with a perfectly balanced bite of perfection has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. Sure, any one of us could whip up some cold cuts and American cheese on Wonder bread or a quick peanut butter and jelly in our own homes, but to pay six to eight dollars to have it done for us by artists such as yourselves is a decadent luxury and culinary treat that is a treasured, joyous delight for all red blooded American diners.

I know that you, the Sandwich Makers, are always looking for ways to better yourselves, improve the quality of your work, and push the envelope of what you do in hopes of making the “perfect” sandwich. The endless experimentation, tweaking, and testing of flavor combinations with fillings and condiments is of course necessary to the process of the pursuit of excellence and American Exceptionalism that makes this country what it is.

However, I fear that it may be going too far. In your desire to improve our sandwiches and “bring in the new”, we are beginning to lose sight of what made certain sandwiches so special in the first place. You have lost touch with your roots and are in danger of losing the soul of what we sandwich lovers hold so dear. We are in great danger of losing the classics.

I am speaking, of course, of the Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato sandwich, commonly known as the BLT. This fine sandwich has been around since the early 1900s, and owes its staying power to the fact that it is, quite simply, a perfect combination of ingredients and flavors.

Bacon. Lettuce. Tomato. White Bread. Mayo.

That’s it.

QUIT MESSING IT UP!!!!

The only alterations to be considered here are a.) Do we toast the bread? (Yes.), and b.) Could it use more bacon? (It could). If you wanna go nuts, make it a double decker, stick some toothpicks in it and call it a “club”. Outside of that, leave the thing alone! It’s basic, simple, and beautiful. It doesn’t need avocado. Or special sauce. Or Kale. Or greens.

Also, stop subbing out the bacon. Turkey bacon is an abomination of all that is good and holy in the meat section of the grocery store. And don’t even come at me with artificial vegetarian or vegan bacon. What even is that? Tofu?! Really?

If you don’t like the sandwich as is, fine. Don’t eat it. But don’t go changing it, trying to put your “spin ” on it, and ruining what is one of the greatest culinary delights of many generations, the almighty BLT!

Oh, and while we’re on the subject of “new and improved” sandwiches-quit screwing around with the grilled cheese too, willya? There’s nothing worse than going to some fancy bistro and having the waiter tell you about their “take” on the grilled cheese sandwich.

Here’s my “take” on it-leave it alone! It doesn’t need any meat in it. Or vegetables. Or tofu either, but then, what does? All we need is cheese. Good old American cheese, or maybe Velveeta, is fine. It does the job and it tastes the way that it’s supposed to. Okay, so a five cheese blend is nice, but it’s unnecessary. All that extra stuff is unnecessary. This is not gourmet dining, I am shoving a block of melted cheese on bread into my face, let’s not pretend it’s anything more evolved than that, okay?

And give me some tomato soup on the side too. That’s soup. Not bisque. You can’t dunk Velveeta in bisque, it’s unnatural and weird.

Look, I’m perfectly fine with you all making up new sandwich combos and creating new sauces. Put anything you want on there. Veggie sandwich? Great. Steak and sauerkraut? Fine. Peanut butter and pickle? You do you. But leave the classics alone. For me. For the children.

For America.

Your pal,

Dave

A Haiku

Sometimes writer’s block

Even affects us bloggers

That’s what happened here

Phone Troubles

Hi. My name is Dave and I am addicted to my smart phone.

We all are though, I think, to one degree or another. Most people either don’t notice or don’t really care because it’s a willful addiction.

True, we all need to stay connected, and there are many apps and features that do make communication faster and easier, and can certainly add to the quality of our lives. The fact that we carry computers in our pockets is a small miracle that we seem to take for granted in today’s world. Everything from entertainment to shopping to business meetings, or just a quick check in at home, and more, can be accomplished within seconds anywhere we are. That is undeniably cool. It is also incredibly useful and there is nothing wrong with any of that in and of itself.

If it is all kept in balance.

That’s the tricky part. When does the smart phone stop being a tool or a pleasant diversion and start becoming more? When is more too much? That is not an easy question to answer if we’re honest, and each one of us will have a different response. You may be perfectly comfortable with your phone usage. Perhaps you are a tech person and this stuff is fascinating for you academically. Perhaps you have the ability to look at your phone only two or three times a day in ten minute increments and set it down easily to do other things. Maybe it’s just a part of your life that you have integrated and don’t even think twice about. I don’t claim to know your situation or have any answers or advice to give to anyone else at all.

But as for me? I have crossed the line and hit the wall.

I feel absolutely tethered to my phone. Once I pick it up it’s all I can do to set the thing down. I’m playing with my phone as I watch television. I check it at the movies. During meals. On dates with my wife. It’s the first thing I do when I wake up and the last thing before I go to bed. I can’t even read more than two or three pages in a book without stopping to play with my phone. I feel like I am constantly scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. I even get online on my phone while I am online at the computer. It’s too much for me-I have to stop.

So how did I reach this conclusion? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because I am old enough to remember what life was like before phones and I am growing nostalgic. Maybe it’s because I was never a tech guy and now I can’t be without it, and that concerns me. Maybe I feel like I’m missing out on other more productive things I could be doing instead of just doom scrolling all the time.

One thing’s for sure though. It has been proven that phone usage can release dopamine (sometimes referred to as the pleasure chemical) in our brains. Dopamine makes you feel good. Really good. Once this happens enough the brain recognizes a pattern and begins to equate the two things. Then, the brain begins to chase that feeling as much as possible and pretty soon you’ve got a habit, man. That’s how addiction works. That’s what’s happening to me, I am constantly chasing the “phone high” and I need to quit.

So it’s time for a detox. A digital detox. I’m not throwing my phone into the river or anything like that, but I am going to be changing things up in here. Today I removed or deactivated all the social media accounts from my phone, along with as many ways as possible for me to surf the net (though I can’t disable it completely-not an option on my phone). I also got rid of any apps that give me multiple notifications a day that I don’t deem as essential, I already feel lighter in spirit. This is step one.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have my social media accounts. I will still check them and make updates but I’m going to be doing it by the computer, or possibly a tablet, at controlled hours of the day. Same thing goes with surfing the net. It will be more intentional, something I have to carve out time for instead of being at it any chance I get. So I’m sorry if I miss your cool post or don’t update like you’re used to seeing me do, but I’m getting my balance back, and that’s very important to me right now.

And again, I am not about to get rid of my phone. Certainly I need to stay in touch with family, work, and friends. I keep my calendar on my phone, my alarm clock, maps, an underused Bible app (sorry Jesus), a few notes I need to remember and more than one fast food ordering app. All necessary stuff. I just need the phone to go back to being a tool and not an obsession.

So I’m going to try this system for the next few weeks and make sure I can live with this arrangement and stick to it. Then, hopefully, it’s on to step two. I am going to need a new phone sooner than later. The screen has a pretty decent crack in it, and I am having problems getting the phone to take a charge. Not stay charged, but actually take a charge. That could be a battery issue, I suppose, but a new phone may be in order down the road.

I have been investigating different phone types. There are a few “minimalist” phones out there that do just the basics. You can find them online, like the Light phone, Mudita Pure, Wisephone, etc. None of these phones have the internet on them. They all have talk and text. Most have an alarm function, but then it gets all hazy. Some play music, some don’t. Some have calendars, some don’t. One has a flashlight but no maps, only one of the three has a camera (which holds about 6 photos). Most have group texting but not MMS. These are high quality, intentionally made phones with low carbon rates and low radiation and are fairly well thought out from a presentation point of view, they are just falling a little short when it comes to the packaging. Although they are better across the board than the Jitterbug/Lively phones made for Seniors.

It turns out though, that there are plenty of non internet phones out there that have pretty much everything else you could need, it’s just that many of them are kind of chintzy and still do a little more than I would like. But…IF I can keep up this way of living, and IF I decide a new phone is the way to go then I may temporarily buy one of these cheapos until the “minimalist” phone start up companies get it all straightened out.

To be clear, I am no minimalist-I still want all the things. However, this may be the way to go for me from here on out.

Then again, maybe I’ll be shaking my head a month from now wondering where in the world I got the cockamamie idea that I was addicted to the phone. Anything can happen I suppose.

Still, I’m pretty sure I’m right on this one. I don’t expect to start a movement here or for anyone else to come along with me, but I do think we should all take a look at how far our phones have gotten into our lives. We are constantly told by the major carriers and phone companies that we need the newest, fastest, biggest, and greatest phones we can get hold of.

Do we?

If Wishes Were Fishes…

We’d all swim in riches. Or something like that.

We’ve all heard a version of this saying at one point or another. Usually this saying is used in a negative context in which someone is told to quit wishing their life away. But I think it’s okay to wish. Wishing is a way to deal with the difficulties of life. Sometimes wishes are within our grasp, and can be made a reality with a little effort. Sometimes wishes are pure fantasy. Sometimes they are hopeful. Sometimes they are filled with, and fueled by, regret.

Wishes are normal and healthy. Granted, we have to live in the real world and deal with it as it is. However, our wishes can help guide us along our paths and be quite beneficial when kept in perspective and used in a positive way.

In our younger years we wish for things like riches, fame, looks, and the like. I find though that as one ages, our wishes change a little bit. While they may still stay rather self centered, they aren’t quite as self-ish. Most wishes do revolve around our own self image, they begin to expand to include the world at large. Not only do we wish to make sense of the wider world, but also our place in it.

Let’s face it guys, life is a lot. It’s too much, really. How do you get through it without going completely insane? I can’t answer that for everyone, but for me I have to laugh at it, yell at it, write about it, and hold on to some of my wishes (I don’t call them dreams anymore, that’s way too optimistic for the world we currently live in). I also overshare with friends and strangers.

That’s what this particular post is all about. I am going to share many of my wishes with you, both the ones that give me hope and the ones that hurt my heart. Hopefully, this catharsis on the web will not only make me feel a little better about life, the universe, and everything but also it just may help somebody else who’s reading this to not feel alone. By the way, I had a few one liners stuck in among this list but I took them out as it just didn’t feel right. Let’s get real, y’all.

-I wish my dreams weren’t so big as a youth. Perhaps I could have achieved more of them.

-I wish I was better at this whole Christianity thing.

-I wish I saw my cousins more. I wish I saw my best friend more too.

-I wish it were easier to make friends as an adult. Real friends I mean, not just surface level.

-I wish I still had the self confidence I had in my 20’s and early 30’s.

-I wish I didn’t know so much about a lot of people. This is the downside of social media (says the guy blogging his inner dialogue).

-I wish more people were open to the possibility of God. I also wish conservative Christians weren’t so good at turning people away.

-I wish the two major political parties in our country weren’t so far apart on everything.

-I wish good grammar and manners were still a thing.

-I wish I weren’t so judgmental.

-I wish we’d seriously think about what kind of world we are leaving for the next generation. Environmentally, politically, spiritually, and culturally.

-I wish parents would listen more to today’s youth and not just dismiss them.

-I wish everyone had food to eat and a place to sleep.

-I wish everybody knew somebody loved them.

-I wish more people cared more about their fellow humans than their own pocket.

-I wish the best tasting food didn’t make us fat.

-I wish I had finished college. I also wish I was still young enough for it to matter if I did it now.

-I wish physical media wasn’t dying.

-I wish animal shelters weren’t so full.

-I wish big, scary, diseases weren’t a thing.

-I wish everyone would just do their part to bring this damned pandemic to an end.

-I wish I didn’t overthink things to the point of inaction.

-I wish I was better with math and money.

-I wish I didn’t have so many wishes.

Labor Day Cook Out

So here we are, another Labor Day weekend. That uniquely American holiday in which we celebrate work by not doing it. Actually, no, that’s not quite correct, but I always liked that joke. We are actually celebrating the American worker, without whom we would be nowhere. So here’s a big “thank you” to every person in every factory, every janitor, trash collector, retail worker, construction worker, nurse, teacher, and everyone else who shows up day in day out, sometimes in less than ideal conditions, and puts in an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay to keep this country going. And an extra special salute to those who had to go in today anyway.

Hopefully we have all spent this day/extra long weekend enjoying some fun, and more importantly getting a little rest. One thing that is pretty certain though, is that most of us have been pigging out on some cook out foods. That is the American way to celebrate pretty much everything, right? This is traditionally one of the biggest weekends for breaking out the grill and making some comfort food. Whether it’s for just our immediate household or a full on party (if COVID doesn’t put a stop to that) we Americans have been making some burgers, brats, and hot dogs this weekend, along with whatever else we choose.

I am no different. I have dutifully fired up my smoker too. Though, to be fair, I do that every few weeks anyway, weather permitting. As a result, this blog was going to be all about my pellet smoker grill, how much I love it, and maybe even a few examples of what I have cooked.

But instead, let’s talk about global climate change, its relationship to free market capitalism and the resulting effects on the psyche of the average citizen.

Nah, only kidding, we’ll do the grill thing.

For those who may still be unaware of just what in the world I am talking about here, a pellet grill, sometimes called a pellet smoker, is an outdoor cooker that combines elements of smokers, gas grills, and ovens. They are electric, instead of gas. It cooks using pellets made of wood, fed into a fire pot by an auger. A system of fans helps control airflow and temperature. Basically it’s an outdoor oven. The operator makes sure that there are plenty of pellets in the hopper, sets the controls, and lays the food on top of the grill grates. There is generally no open flame, although many grills have the option to open the grill over the flame and cook on direct heat, mostly for searing purposes.

I have had my pellet grill for two years now and I absolutely love it. This is mostly “set it and forget it” cooking. You have to keep an eye on the amount of pellets in the hopper since you don’t want to run out of fuel mid cook. Otherwise, make sure you check the internal temperature of the meat and you’re good to go. These grills can pretty much everything you’d need them to. You can smoke, grill, sear, bake, roast, braise, char-grill, and barbecue. I pretty much just use mine to smoke and grill, but I am trying more recipes and experimenting more all the time.

There are multiple types of pellets you can purchase, made of a variety of wood. The choices range from Apple, and Cherry wood to Mesquite, Hickory and more. I like to use hardwood/competition blends to get that serious smoky flavor but the fruitwoods make a nice light addition to the meat if that’s more your thing. You can’t really go wrong since the smoke infuses the flavor while it cooks.

Okay, I know there are still a lot of purists out there who decry the pellet smoker grill, and state that it’s not “real” grilling. The grills only go to about 500 degrees or so, which is quite a bit less than open flame in traditional grilling. There is also less of a need to stay at your post, since the pellet grill more or less stays a consistent temperature the 50/50 modified technique is pretty invalid, and flare ups are fairly rare. The art of the cook, they argue, is missing. While they do have a point (albeit a small one), I believe they are overlooking one important factor: the end result.

Everything tastes fantastic when cooked on the pellet grill. It doesn’t taste like charcoal-it tastes better! The richness of the wood comes through, as does the smoke. If you’re a barbecue sauce person, either put a little on during the last few minutes of the cook to tack up, or just have some handy for serving (or both!) and you won’t miss a thing about the way you used to cook. Trust me, you are in for a treat.

I chose a Pit Boss grill, a smaller “portable” version that was at the lower end of the price range but it cooks for my family quite well, and we have hosted a few get togethers as well. If you are looking at investing in one of these grills, there are lots of manufacturers out there and the technology is more or less the same with each one. Just do your homework and making sure you get a company that you trust and a grill that will fit your needs both in size and features.

There are a few downsides to these grills, however. First of all they are electric, so if it’s going to rain you may be out of luck, unless you want to cook in your garage but I don’t recommend doing that because the smoke really rolls off of these things and you may find yourself gasping for air in an enclosed space. Always have plenty of ventilation. And don’t trip on your extension chord.

Also, there is a bit more maintenance involved with these grills than a normal charcoal or gas. I have to clean the grates and the surfaces before pretty much every cook, and due to the burning of the pellets there’s a lot of wood dust that needs to be vacuumed out on the regular. I like to do a deep clean on it once a year too as there’s lots of grease that gets inside the guts of it, and you don’t want a grease fire. It may be electric, but there is an actual flame to be mindful of.

And just as a nit-pick for the model I purchased, the claim is that my grill is portable. Technically this may be correct, but it’s pretty impractical and a pain in the butt to break down, move, carry, and set up again. There are also wheels on the thing but not so you’d notice.

These are minor drawbacks, however, since the food is SO GOOD and the cooks are much easier than traditional grilling. I love my Pit Boss and cook on it as often as I am able. I have made everything from smoked brats, burgers, and dogs, to chicken, pork, and steaks. My smoked pork steaks seem to be the big winner, with smoky bbq chicken legs a very close second. There’s still a good month or two of grilling time left, and these bad boys should be on sale soon, so if you are in the market, or are curious, get out there and start looking. Then buy some rub (if you’re in Missouri, seek out a shop called Beer+Sauce, they have excellent products all around), grab your favorite sauce-but not too much, don’t drown the meat and kill the flavor- and let’s get to grilling!