Safe Home

Over the past few weeks, we have been interacting more with our kids’ friends. There have been a few school functions and some birthday get togethers here at the house that have helped us get to know the kids our kids are hanging out with. Our kids are a bit of an eclectic group, and their friends even more so.

All of our children are teenagers now, so we are entering a season of new experiences as parents. Unlike some parents, we haven’t forgotten what the teenage years are like. You see, my wife is a teacher and therefore constantly around young people, and I have resisted adulthood as much as possible. Therefore I think we may be a little more in touch with the teenage experience than some other parents, many of whom seem to get old before their time. This is not a judgement, just an observation that may or my not be all in my head.

Anyway, these kids are all in the beginning stages of figuring out who they are, where they belong, and how they function in the world. We’ve met a lot of people lately, and been able to put faces to names from the stories our kids tell which is nice. We have met pretty much every category of kid you can imagine.

While we have met plenty of your average boy or girl next door types, there have been others too. We have met church kids, and non church kids, with multiple religions being represented (or not). We have met kids who are highly autistic and those who have other special needs. We’ve met popular kids, nerds, and misfits. We have met gay kids. We have met transgender kids. We’ve met kids of different ethnicities.

Here’s the thing though, none of these kids are categories. They are people. Each one is different, special, and in need of the same love and respect as everyone else. This is where we come in.

It’s a big world out there, and there are a lot of angry people in it. Some of these kids we’ve been introduced to will go out into it and be okay. Some won’t. The troubling fact is that many of these people will be targeted and discriminated against because of who they are. Not because of what they do or say, but because they exist in their own identity. Let’s get uncomfortable for a minute.

We all know racial discrimination is on the rise here in America and elsewhere. This is incredibly stupid and dangerous. No one asks to be born any particular color or race, you are as God made you. You are a combination of your parents. Not your fault. Also not your fault that others judge entire races based on stereotypes and incorrect assumptions, or the extreme acts of a few. This should not be allowed in any civilized society and it certainly will not be tolerated in our home.

There is also, somehow, still a bias against people on the autism spectrum. While we as a society have made great leaps in understanding autism and mental health as a whole, there are still those who would belittle others due to their differences. Special needs folks are marginalized, insulted, pushed aside and undervalued by many. Instead of lending a hand and discovering the greatness that lies in every human being, these people are written off or just plain ignored. Not by us.

How about LGBTQIA+ kids? Some of these kids have been aware of their sexuality from an early age. Some are just now beginning to come to grips with it. The same goes for transgender youth. Well, not only youth, but adults too. I know full grown adults who are still wrestling with their own identities well into middle age. I know gay and bisexual adults who have never come out to their parents for fear of how they will react and what it will do to the family unit, not to mention their own social standing. If this is all so difficult for adults, imagine what kids must be going through.

Much is made of the suicide rates among LGBTQIA+ teens. It is estimated that these kids are more than four times more likely to attempt suicide as their peers, and the numbers are higher among youths of color. I hope we can all realize and agree that these young people aren’t thinking of suicide because they are gay/bi/trans/asexual/whatever. It’s because of how stigmatized they are, and the hatred, bigotry, slander, and abuse they are met with on a regular basis-not only from strangers, but from the people who are supposed to protect them in their schools and communities and often, sadly, from the families they love.

Being a teen is hard enough, and a lot of these kids have the potential to live a much harder life than their peers. They don’t need fixing. They don’t need to be shown their place. They need to be treated with respect and shown kindness. They deserve an environment that encourages them to be comfortable with who they are, even if they’re not sure who they are. We have encouraged our kids to be the kind of people who provide that quality to their friends, and have assured them all that we will provide the same in our own house.

We have intentionally built a home of love. Certainly we have house rules, and a strong sense of right and wrong, but everything we do in this home is based upon love. First and foremost, we love in this family.

We are called to “love others as we love ourselves” (Leviticus 19:18). “Faith, Hope and Love: But the greatest of these is love.”-1st Corinthians 13:13.

Did he just drop some bible verses after talking about being supportive of gay and trans kids, and people of other faiths, and those who are different than us? And did it make sense?

Yes and yes.

I don’t get into matters of faith much here on the blog, and I don’t have time to break this all down for you here in this context, but here’s the takeaway. I am a Christian, though not a conservative one. There’s actually a lot of us, most people just don’t know because we’re not as loud as some of our sisters and brothers on the other side. Look, guys, we can bicker and argue amongst ourselves over what the Bible says vs. what it means all day long, but when it comes to how we treat others, there shouldn’t be an argument. Jesus himself said that people “will know you are my disciples if you have love for one another”(John 13:35). That doesn’t mean just us, it means everybody.

Also, stop using the Good Book as a weapon y’all. It’s supposed to heal not harm.

Alright, I’ll get off my high horse. The point is, I will not turn away my kid, or anyone else’s who needs a safe, supportive environment. If one of the friends has had a fight with their parents, or just needs to get away for a little bit and maybe get a snack and a fist bump they are welcome here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not out to judge these kids or their parents. I won’t keep a kid out of their home (unless there is real danger) and I’m not putting anybody up long term. I will make sure their parents know their kid is at a friend’s house and the parents are home. I don’t want to cause any trouble, legal or otherwise.

Still, I have told my children and they are to let their friends know that this is a safe place. Their friends are welcome here. Only one rule: You don’t judge the way I keep house, and I won’t judge the way you live your life. In other words, don’t judge my mess and I won’t judge yours.

You know, maybe if we all started thinking that way and living it out, we might just make this world a better place. Think about it.

Thanks for sticking with me during all that, faithful readers. I’ll come back to the random silliness next time. Until then, have a great week and meet me back here for more MonDAVEs.