I share lots of Dad jokes here at the ol’ blog, jokes for every occasion. I see no reason why Valentine’s Day should be any different. Here are a heart shaped box full of funnies to make you giggle. Also, if you haven’t gotten anything for your sweetheart, print these out and give them to him/her in a card. Way better than flowers. Trust me. Actually, no, don’t do that.

Here’s the jokes, folks:

-Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day?
A calendar.

-Why didn’t the skeleton get a present for his Valentine?
His heart wasn’t in it.

-What did one piece of toast say to the other?
“You’re my butter half!”

-What did the couple say after getting struck by Cupid’s arrow?
“Ouch!”

-What did the tortoise say on Valentine’s Day?
“I turt-ally love you!”

-Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love, and got married on Valentine’s Day. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy, but the reception was excellent.

-What is an octopus’s favorite love song?
“I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand.”

-Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn’t suit his taste.

-Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They’re getting married in the spring!

-Why was the ghost sad on Valentine’s Day?
Because he didn’t have a boo.

-Why did the astronaut couple break up?
They needed space.

-What did the thread say to the needle?
“I’m sew into you!”

-Did you hear about the vampire wedding?
It was love at first bite.

-Did Adam and Eve have a date?
No, they had an apple.

-Why do Valentines have hearts on them?
Because spleens would look pretty gross.

-What’s the difference between a $25 steak and a $55 steak?
February 14th.

Okay, that’s it for this week. I’ll be back next Monday with more stuff, although there may be a tiny update this weekend. Stay tuned.